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My Epiphany Regarding My Son...
- Oct 15, 2008 at 9:10 PM
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- Comments (4) Total Views (152) Everyone can see this journal post.
Have you seen the V-8 commercials lately? It's a guy yumming over a glazed donut when his wife suddenly reaches over and smacks him square in the forehead. "Shoulda had a V-8". I had a similar moment today, that all the while were preceded by little flicks in the forehead, if you will. None the less those flicks were each as overlooked as the one before it.
Today however, I cannot overlook how I am feeling and cannot stop thinking about all those flicks. My Ah-ha moment was this: I think my soon-to-be 3 son is PDD-NOS.... I think my first born son is Autistic. My son who hugs and kisses and tells me he loves me and excuses himself along with total strangers when they belch appears to be Autistic.
My Flicks
When Holden was 9 months old he threw his first temper tantrum. It was straight out of the movies, only when it is in the movies the character is usually around 9 and a product of horrid parenting. My little baby, on his stomach kicked his feet and pounded the kitchen floor long enough for me to conjure up a game plan to ignore his behavior and walk away. If he doesn't get the attention he will give up....NOT.
Holden watched his first movie from beginning to end when he was a month old. It was Ice Age, cute movie , BTW. At the time I thought it was funny when he would cry if anyone blocked the screen. Now he is totally obsessed with learning all the words to his movies. He can recite some of his favorites verbatim and with all the physical motions as well. He also memorizes commercials in entirety after only viewing them a few times.
From birth Holden did not ever have a normal bowel movement. I kept waiting for it as I did his other milestones (as if normal bms were a milestone, ha) and it never came. He passed his second birthday and we fear potty training would never be possible. How do you train a kid that always has unpredictable diarrhea how to use the potty??
Holden has become obsessed with certain toys and their order. He becomes deeply engaged with his Thomas the Train sets and he is in another world, The Island of Sodor, perhaps where only him and Thomas and Percy and the other trains exist. Trying to stop him while he is engulfed results in a total meltdown. He can play for hours alone, scripting from the Thomas videos. If his 18 month old brother messes up his trains or track Holden apologizes to the trains as if they are his real friends.
Holden cannot take a picture. Over 700 pictures of my sweet son are with his eyes closed. Tightly clenched shut eyes that react sensitively to the flash of my camera. Ninety nine percent of his pics come out this way, while only ten percent of my younger sons pics result in squinting. He is also sensitive to the vacuum he folds his ears over to block out the sound.
He went to the Y for 6 months eagerly to play with the trainset there while I worked out. A few visits in all the staff loved him, but each pointed out how he doesn't play with even one of the other children. He wont go at all now. The last visit he decided he was tired of the Y and his meltdown included throwing chairs, knocking an adult over and screaming and hitting himself. We haven't tried to go back and I am not sure if it's because I am afraid he will throw another tantrum or if I am still embarrassed from the first one.
He chews his shirts, he wont eat anything green unless it's candy, he makes funny faces when working on stuff, he has a speech delay, he won't make eye contact with everyone, he is obsessed with numbers and letters being in order and he has to fall asleep to Jack Johnson every night while sleeping with his cars blankie and on my mom's pillow she left here when she last visited.
Yet, he knows his alphabet backwards and forwards and can count down from 30, knows his colors and shapes and the names of every single Thomas charactor, and all of his body parts, and what every animal is as well as what sound they make. Do you know what a Caribou says? Do you? My 35 month old does!
The Smack!
I have been trying to deal with all of these things separately: It's allergies, control issues, OCD, separation anxiety, frustration, lack of being able to communicate, you name it. Today however, a thought crossed my mind, my V-8 smack in the head. It is more possible that he has a bunch of symptoms of one issue than it is that he has 30 issues. Realistically it's more feasible. One disease or 30?
The Clincher
My bachelors degree I earned from Kent State University was for Psychology. My main area of study was and still is even as a SAHM is Child Psych. For the past 6 years my focus has been on Autism. I worked as an Autism Therapist before starting my family. I helped recover one child almost completely. Yet, here I am having a V-8 moment about my own son. All this time...no hand-flapping, humming, teeth grinding, lack of eye contact, no head banging, no! None of that, therefore my son was not in my mind.
Yet, something in my gut said things just didn't add up. They don't... They say you know you child and I do, but I guess not as well as I thought. Or maybe I just ignored the signs. Or maybe, just maybe, everyone telling me his signs were "normal toddler behavior" aided me in ignoring them!!
Anyways, he has to be evaluated now and fortunatly I know just who's door to knock on, but I cannot help but feel totally overwhelmed. I guess there really is something to be said about "knowing too much about a situation". I know what I have ahead of me, for the most part, so I know just what to be afraid of. This will be a total test of what I can withstand to help my son, but I will love him no matter what.
Tessa
Comments:
i wish i had some great words of wisdom, since you were kind enough to give me some advice back in december or january..................but alas all i have is a big hug, from one mom who has been there to one that is only beginning the journey. you are not alone. i will say a prayer for you.
Tessa,
As much as you don't want to hear that he is autistic, you have described a carbon copy of my son Logan right down to the aversion to vegetables. My son is 5 now and in Kindergarten. He was just diagnosed in August with Asperger's. He was obsessed with Thomas the train. He was a nightmare to potty train and still has accidents with #2. #1, not a problem. He knew all of his colors, shapes, numbers, etc. and even could tell you how to say them in Spanish from watching Dora the Explorer. I have a daughter who is 14 months younger and she does not have Asperger's. However, Logan was my first and you learn to live with his symptoms. You don't realize things are abnormal because there is no one close to compare them to. Also many of the things they do are considered normal anyways. Logan is smart, and it sounds like your son is also very smart. This is common. My son lines up all of our shoes. They must point the same way. Obsessiveness and ADHD are also common with Asperger's. My son never played with other kids except his sister. He would go to birthday parties and drag his grandfather to the swing set or outside to play. He had bad separation anxiety even as a baby. He never would sleep in his crib and we tried everything, everything! He sleeps with me in my bed. My husband (thank goodness is forgiving) sleeps in Logan's room. Getting the diagnosis was upsetting even if it wasn't unexpected. As you know, there is loads of help out there. Our school system has gone above and beyond to help him. (As verified by his counselor, Dr. Griffith in Cuyahoga Falls) I keep hearing Nevada Reed and wish I could afford her. If meds are recommended for Logan we probably will go see her, but for now we are using the school who is providing occupational therapy for fine motor skills, social counseling by the speech teacher, and individual/small group help with reading courtesy of the special ed teacher. They are trying to included Logan in as much of the regular classroom activities as they can and his class is a regular Kindergarten classroom. Dr. Griffith is working on his attention span and trying to determine if he needs meds or not to help him stay on task. E-me anytime and we could get together for a play date soon. (this weekend is bad, I am hosting a shower on Sunday)
Hang in there. There is comfort in knowing you are not alone.
Lisa
thanks for sharing this. My son was 17 years old before someone said to me do you know anything about Aspergers? I was like no why and she said you should do some research because it sure sounds like Evan. I was thinking NO WAY! my son is smart beyond believe (well 1st sign I should have picked up on)
When I did research I just began to cry as this was a carbon copy of my 17 year old son. Now I know this sounds really bad but my idea of Autisim was the child who sat and rocked or beating his head on something who showed no emotion. I didn't know it came in the face of a child who was very smart, loving, compassionate, would never even kill a spider. Now I was kicking myself in the arse for not seeing it. I grew up with a handdicaped little brother, worked with handdicapped kids when I was in school. Was the first to defend and care for the child who didn't queit fit in. How could I have missed it in my own son. All if his little oddietys where just 'normal' to me. When I finally got up the nerve to mention it too him ( I was really worried how he would take it) he just said oh yeah mom I figured that out a long time ago. I was like WTH is wrong that I missed it? He couldn't get through school even though he has an IQ of like 160 on some days (good days). At 16 he became a father. Wow is he an awesome daddy. Now we have this soon to be 3 year old who we just know in our hearts has Aspergers. Her momma just wants to right it off as just being a toddler. The OCD is just out of control. When playing with a group of say animals they all have to be doing the same thing if even one of them is in a sitting postion while the others are standing that one is not allowed to play. If you put sitting and standing ones together she will just throw one of the groups across the room. When walking up steps if you interupt her and she misses a step she has to start all over. She is the most verbal 3 year old I've ever seen in my life. Her mother wants to put her in a school for gifted children and my son really feels that will sit her back. It would mean that she would be seperated from her daddy as this school is 100 miles away from him. She is so attached to her daddy. As my son was a teen before we knew I really don't know how to go about getting her help. Can you suggest help? Thanks
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Aww.I'll be thinking about you. I think the more informed we are as mom's the harder things are to admit! I'm sure you'll feel relieved once the eval is done and you have some more answers. There are so many new treatments around now-and lots you can do!
If you need to vent..I'm here =)Nicki
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