is your child a perfectionist?

[elananme]

ON wed i went to parent teacher conference and my daughters teacher said she is the best behaved, does all her work on time and is very helpful to her and other class mates, but she is concerned that she is a perfectionist.  Now by perfectionist i mean she is almost devastated by a wrong answer, if she answers a questin and its wrong she is reduced to tears at times.  I dont know what to do.  what has caused this or how to let her know that its okay to have a wrong answer.  I will say that i always tell her how smart she is and how much  i love her, i also tell her that c's are okay as long as thats the best work she can do, in other words if she tries her absolute hardest and does the best she can and still gets a c then i am good with that but if shes getting a c because she isnt trying or following the directstions, etc then no i will not accept a c.  shes in the third grade and loves school but i dont want her to stop trying cause shes afraid to get it wrong what do i do?

[amber1216]

Oct. 17, 2008 at 4:53 PM

I knew a girl who freaked out if she got an A-, this was in high school though when high school girls had other priorities like boyfriends, driving privileges and such, I believe it was because her parents were REALLY strict. I would've killed for a B or C LOL Not sure about your daughter though. I wouldn't worry....striving to have a perfect GPA isn't that bad. Be Proud!

[elananme]

Oct. 17, 2008 at 6:15 PM

but shes crying at school because of this and it worries me that her friends will start making fun o fher because of it which will only exacerbate the problem

 

(Original Poster)

[2BoysMom99]

Nov. 6, 2008 at 6:06 PM

My son is also a third grader & is a perfectionist. Everything has to be just a certain way, and if it's not perfect in his eyes he needs it to be made right. We keep talking to him, praising him for all the things he is so good at, and bolster him up as much as we possibly can. His teacher last year called him a sweet boy. Made me want to cry because he tries so hard to please everyone along the way. Just keep loving your daughter & reinforcing the great job she's doing. I don't normally watch Dr. Phil (or Dr. Fiddlesticks) as my 10  year old used to call him, but he had someone on that's a perfectionist & her big thing was being afraid of not being in control. That mede me think a little bit differently. I'm not saying he's right, but I never thought of that.   Hang in there, you've got lots of support!

[aks1382]

Dec. 4, 2008 at 2:10 AM

I was that perfectionist when I was in elementary school. I don't remember what my parents did or what changed, but eventually I was okay with a grade lower than a 100.  Just keep reminding her that it's okay & not everything can be perfect. I still have a bit (okay...at times alot) of perfectionsit streak, but have taught my self to just let go. Our 6 year old son has exhibited SOME of this, although not as much as what I did apparently. I did cry, according to my parents, but not at school. I just reminded him that he was still learning & that he'll get it next time.  So far, it seems to have worked & we haven't had an issue lately.  Again, just keep encouraging her & good luck. =)