Is that normal I see on the horizon?

[bettyboopfla63]

Well, what to say.....we are nearing week #4 since the tragic death of my ex, father of my little girl.  As most of you know, I have been trying to get through this unfortunate event with all the grace I can muster, and just a little bit of dignity, if that's possible.  The good news is that his most recent girlfriend (aka the bitch) is not pregnant.  Once again a piss poor attempt on her part to get attention I guess.  But what I still can't wrap my mind around is what kind of person would do something like that and then tell the grieving family members that she doesn't think she's going to keep the baby, leaving everyone to wonder what does mean (adoption?, abortion?).  At any rate, I am still sizzling hot over that one, but I have come to the realization that if I am ever going to get back to my pre-tragedy zen bitchness I'm gonna have to let it go, which is exactly what I'm trying to do.  I realize that the bitch did not put the gun in his hand, nor did she pull the trigger, but I've got a pretty good suspicion that she used the pregnancy card with him before he did the deed.  I knew that man better than he knew himself, and if she was using the faux-fetus as a tool that would have been just enough to push him over the edge.  Therein lies my anger; however, karma is a bitch and she will make sure you reap what you sow.  Oh, and just because my anger is subsiding does not mean I will not stomp her ass into a mudhole if I pass her on the street!

So, with each passing day I feel normalcy creeping back into our lives.  My daughter is doing surprisingly well, although I continue to be concerned regarding her lack of emotion.  She is not "shut down", but she is also not very open.  She rarely, if ever, speaks of her father, and she does not cry.  She will be attending the Brightstar Camp Saturday, which is a camp for grieving children sponsored by the local Hospice.  I actually took her to the Hospice counselor and they have group therapy meetings every other week, but unfortunately the office is nearly an hour drive from my home, they meet on Thursdays and it starts at 6:30, ending at 8:00 pm.  I don't get out of work until 5:00 which means we would have to leave straight from work, have no dinner and not get home until after 9:00.  Sorry, but had to pass on that one.  I work for a psychiatrist and he has given me the name of a really good private therapist locally who works with children and is highly respected in the local medical community.  I report to my boss daily how she is doing and he feels that she may need to talk to someone in about a month, or so, but he doesn't feel that this is something I should push on her.  He says I will know when it's time...I hope so.  My biggest fear is that this whole tragedy is going to scar dd for life.  She is such a great kid and I am ever so proud of her.  She's my little trooper!

You will probably notice that I am posting and responding a little more as time goes by.  I have really missed all the fun I have here at CM and I can't wait to get back into the swing.

 

[jlknudsen5478]

Oct. 23, 2008 at 9:15 AM

{{{HUGS}}} for you and your daughter.  My thoughts are with you.

[MSugarKane]

Oct. 23, 2008 at 9:34 AM

My prayers are with you and your daughter.

[chocolatluver]

Oct. 23, 2008 at 9:28 PM

Do you have any idea how healthy you sound gf? You are going to be just fine. I know you're hurting and I'm so sorry, but your humor and sanity is kind of amazing to me at this point~ With a Mother like you, how could your daughter not be okay? Something tells me you are both going to get through this and come out on the other end with happiness and peace in your lives again.  Hang in there Mama~~!  Praying for you both~