Triage!! The Mission of the Church!

[Trust_HIM_Ps57]

About 5 years ago, memories of very traumatic abuse started resurfacing for me... I was met with allot of painful responses within my church where I was a member for over 13 years!  I almost believed their LIES when they told me I was bad, defective, not wanting to be healed (because if I did, I would be already/I must not have been trusting enough or believing enough!), dwelling on my past, and a number of other accusations!  Their words brought even more pain and damage to my already bleeding, hurting heart!  Oh, how I hated myself for failing!!  But still yet, I cried out to GOD and He sent me a true friend!  She is not an abuse survivor ...though she has known pain.  But she has been the most intrumental tool in the LORD's hands to bring healing to my heart!  I want to share how the LORD showed me my friend before we met in person.  :)  GOD is amazing!

I will simply post a message here that I've previously written:

I dreamed that I arrived at a church, where I was met at the doors by 2 blond haired women, wearing nurses' uniforms and stethescopes.  They said not a word, but led me inside, down a hall, and placed me in a room where I was to put on a hospital gown.   (This represents vulnerability.)  When they returned, they still spoke not a word, but laid me on my back on a hospital bed.  The one woman with the longer blond hair laid on the hospital bed to my left, shoulder-to-shoulder with me,  but still did not say a word.  Then, the other woman leaned over from my right, and placed her stethescope on my chest.  (My heart had been physically in MUCH pain!)  She then looked over at the other "nurse" and said, "She was born with this;  This has been from birth." 

The statement, "She was born with this;  This has been from birth"  was referring to my being born with DID (dissociative identity disorder... alter personalities).  If you have questions about how that can happen, please feel free to ask!  The second part of that statement, "This has been from birth"  refers to my being born into SRA (generational).

That was the totality of the dream... come to find out, the one who was "shoulder-to-shoulder" with me(?)  ...this was my friend I was soon to meet ...and she at that time, had a friend who was praying with her while she ministered in Biblical prayer counseling.  (My friend is a trained prayer minister as well as teaches psychology in a college.  She ministers to women and children, sometimes men... in prayer counseling, called Theophostic Prayer Ministry.  Her friend would be in on the ministry meetings and pray while she ministered.)      

Upon our first meeting, my friend "L" was completely shocked, as she met some of my alters ...one little one in particular.  She had never ministered to a multiple, and was unsure if she was the one GOD wanted ministering to me.  We were to meet the next two days as well.  And the next day only confirmed her feelings of inadequacy!  The third day, she and her friend requested we meet outdoors in the fresh air so that she could talk to me about her concerns.

When she mentioned her uneasiness and reservations..... what immediately came out of my mouth was, "The LORD will teach you!"  It was TOTALLY unlike me to speak out like that, but I had such a peace about her and us working together... and plus, the previous night, I was reading in my Bible and came across Ps 32:8, "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go:  I will guide thee with Mine eye."  And I wrote L's name and the date next to it! 

When I said those words to her, she looked over at her friend, with laughter and amazement!  Why??  Because the night before, she had been up praying before she went to bed, asking the LORD if she was the right person to work with me... it was really bothering her!  And after she was asleep sme time, the LORD woke her up... about 3am, and spoke to her from Ps 32:8 ...and she, too, wrote my name and the date next to that verse in her Bible!  Amazing, huh?! 

There was a time when I could not speak, or even read or write the "L" word (LOVE) without becoming physically sick, and getting a migraine! The LORD revealed this to L ....that the concept of love was a very very difficult one for me (and my insiders/alters).  She would not even say, "I love you" to me, until the LORD specifically revealed to her it was safe (for me) to hear that!  She showed that, though, with her actions... she, herself, is NOT of a background such as mine, or anything close to it!  She has had many life challenges, but not SRA or multiplicity.  But the LORD has used her more than ANY person in my life, to further my healing!  The LORD helped me allow a heart connection to her.... something so so very scary for me!  But He said it was safe and okay... and He showed me how.  That was this past spring.  I'd never been able to allow my heart to connect to a person...  it just was not safe!!  If we loved, we'd be punished!!  Things and people taken away....  we could not risk that!  My hands tingle as I write these things... always do when I think (or remember) someone might be hurt, because we loved when we were not supposed to!  BUT...  these are all things we are being freed from!!  The LORD is patient with us! 

(Please understand... when things get a bit difficult for Kim and some others, we step in to help... so she is near by, but we are helping her write this!  Maybe, sometime, we will give a little "crash course" on us!)  We just wanted to explain to you that you do not need to be "expert" in anything... just LOVE HIM, and LOVE PEOPLE!!!  :)  I/we think you can do that pefectly well... with His help!!  ;)

We would like to share some of our writings with you!  When things are difficult, the LORD helps us write... as we pour out our heart in writings, He speaks, and then we write what He gives!  He is AMAZING that way!!! 

Daughter of the King! A message of HIS love!

Maybe, we will post it in a separate post as well.  :) 

Also, I wanted to share something that I recently wrote to my friend, concerning these things: (this includes her words to me as well, tho none of you know these ppl, I've chosen to omit names)

tri·age

Pronunciation:

\trē-ˈäzh, ˈtrē-ˌ\

Function:

noun

Etymology:

French, sorting, sifting, from trier to sort, from Old French — more at try

Date:

1918

1 a: the sorting of and allocation of treatment to patients and especially battle and disaster victims according to a system of priorities designed to maximize the number of survivors  b: the sorting of patients (as in an emergency room) according to the urgency of their need for care


L, I wanted to come back to this. ---> In my process of trying to understand why T and I are doing things so differently, the Lord has shown me  that we each help Him, but we help Him do different things.  But as far as I know, yes, her approach is TOTALLY different from what you and I share as the Lord works in you.  ABSOLUTELY!!!  It's very exciting to me that you wrote this, and then the LORD brought me back to the dream He gave to me before we met in person. :)

Remember, He showed me you and T, both!(?) ...and you both were wearing nurse's uniforms (this is very exciting to me!) ...and wearing stethoscopes.  I realize that neither of you spoke one word, L, until T took her stethoscope, placed it on my hurting heart, and listened... then the LORD gave insight to her, and she spoke, "She was born with this; this has been from birth."
 
L, T  was "up there" but still close by ...but you were there in the sickbed with me, shoulder-to-shoulder, coming alongside.  (There's the difference in how the LORD uses you and how He uses T.  I'm not supposing it looks and works the same with every person you minister to... but there is a definite difference in how He uses you both.)  Yes, you had a stethoscope as well, and I remember that day when we met outside the church, and you said, "We just want to listen to your heart... "  (Do you remember that?)  I loved that you said that, because it was just more confirmation!  I love how the LORD does that, L! 

I think the whole dream is an amazing picture of how the LORD wants to use the Church!  I arrived at the church with my hurting heart, and was met by 2 of HIS nurses! :)  When we walked inside, it was obvious that pretty quickly, it became a hospital... it was a very safe place!  (L, when I write those words, internal reactions are amazing!  ...like someone waiting to exhale, finally able to let that out and begin to breathe!  I can hear them!)  I was placed into the room and had to put on a hospital gown... hurting people should be able to come into a church and feel safe enough to be vulnerable!  This saddens my heart a bit, L, when I realize how rare this is!  But it's very very amazing and exciting to me that I've been so privileged and blessed to have met you, and T... both functioning in positions He has placed you in! :)  It is my firm belief, that all GOD's people should be such (part of HIS "medical staff") ...how that plays out in each of our lives will look different, whether we be prayer ministers, teachers, preachers, counselors, or whatever.

When I go back up and read what I wrote about you being in that "sick bed" with me... it brings up so many emotions for me!  Sadness... because we've been and felt so very unlovable, filthy, contaminated ...I remember how so many of my insiders have felt that we shouldn't let you "touch" us because we might get you dirty??!  Deep deep gratitude, joy, thankfulness... that you were willing not only to get closeby, but also to even touch us!(??!) We feel LOVED!!  And that is AMAZING... HIS doings!!!