The emminant death of a loved one...(UPDATE!)

[jencrazywith2]

I struggle with LOSS all of the time, but I am not prepared to handle this... Let me explain...

On Friday, my grandfather, a very young 89 year old, fell and broke his hip. Fine and no big deal until his hip replacement surgery. During surgery he had a stroke and he is not recovering as planned. Despite the hope and happiness we are feeding my grandmother, his death is likely and probable within a week. I have left town to be with my family during this time, although I am choosing to stay with my best friend rather than family.

Being bipolar has impacted this in so many ways. First, I left in a hypo-manic state for the hospital and ended up beginning the crash while I was in the middle of the four hour drive. (Thank god again for my best friend as she talked to me for the rest of the drive.) Second, I am here and the thought of the loss is frightening...almost paralyzing. third, I came unprepared, forgot socks for both kids, brought all casual clothes - what will I wear to the funeral? Finally, I am plagued by a horrible mixed state. I am depressed - normal for the situation, and hypo-manic with racing thoughts and glitchy thinking.

I will not be here on a regular basis, because I need to focus on my family and myself. As much as i love all of you, the "additional" emotions I feel on here are more than I can handle right now...

Please forgive me if that sounded "off", it is not intended, i just wanted you to all know, I love you and I will miss you!

UPDATE: MY GRANDFATHER IS OUT OF ICU AND HAS BEEN MOVED TO A LONG TERM ACUTE CARE FACILITY. HE IS RECOVERING FROM THE STROKE, NOW THE CONCERN IS REHAB FOR THE HIP WHICH WAS NOT MOVED FOR OVER A WEEK WHILE HE WAS SEDATED AND INTUBATED. I HAVE RETURNED HOME AND AM TRYING TO GET BACK INTO MY ROUTINE!