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Am I a bad wife?
- Oct 29, 2008 at 9:56 PM
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- Comments (12) Total Views (217) Everyone can see this journal post.
I feel like a bad wife.
I'm 16 weeks pregnant and type 1 diabetic, both of which impact my life and health.
I work full time and commute almost an hour each way. I am overworked and stressed and my job, and not very happy there lately.
I'm not very domestic and cleaning is not at the top of my priority list.
My hubby works 2nd shift and does have about 10 hours more in a week than I do only because I have to take a lunch break and have a longer commute.
I up at 6am, leave for work around 7:10, work 8-5 most days and get home around 6:00pm. Then I make dinner (whatever I can make quickly) and feed our son and eat dinner myself. I play with Corbin a bit and then get him ready for bed by 9:00pm. Most nights, getting him to go to bed is a big struggle and I'm lucky if he's asleep by 10:00 or later! Once he's finally asleep, I clean up the dinner mess and tidy up a bit. Then, if I'm not too tired, I like to get on Cafemom, watch TV or read.
I feel bad though, because I don't do enough to help out around the house. Whenever I do try to get a lot of work done, I end up getting low blood sugar and having to rest and can never find the motivation to get going again. I don't get much time to myself and I tend to procrastinate a lot.
My husband is very anal about tidyness and the house being in perfect condition, but I'm not. I'm a bit of a slob and though things are clean, they are not necessarily organized. I feel like I'm rushing to get things done before he gets home at 11:30 so he doesn't think I'm lazy and pathetic, but I never get it all done and there is always something I just know he is dissappointed about.
When he asks me things like, "what is all this paper and mail on the table" or "what the heck happened at the desk", I get all snippy and defensive, because I just know he's thinking, she's lazy and messy and I do all the work around here.
I really do appreciate my husband and all he does and I know I need to get motivated to do more, but I feel I put all my energy into my job and when I get home I just need to unwind and relax and do something I enjoy and spend time with my son. Not to mention being exhausted because I'm pregnant and high risk and then factoring in the diabetes and the affect that has on my daily life.
I don't want to snap at him, dissappoint or upset him, but sometimes I just want to be lazy and do what I want to do, ya know?
We barely see eachother and I've been very sick this pregnancy and I feel like we're just on two seperate planes right now and we really need to connect.
He got pissed at me tonight because I snapped when he asked what all the stuff on the table was that I had taken out of my bag and left there and he stormed into the bedroom and I haven't seen him since. I know he's just blowing off steam, but I don't want him to be mad at me.
He's on vacation right now for 36 days, so he's really being Mr. Mom, and I want to take advantage of some of that time and just veg once in a while, since I NEVER get a vacation myself (I spend all my sick and vacation time being sick and going to many many doctor appointments - haven't had a real vacation since my honeymoon, over 6 years ago).
I don't know, I just had a bad day and was looking for a new job on line and just wanted to focus on that and now he's mad at me because I snapped at him when he asked about a mess I made and I feel terrible. Ugh.
Comments:
You definitely need to take care of YOU! Cleaning a house is NEVER ENDING- I used to have a spotless house, now I know I just can't do it all anymore and I don't even try...my hubby makes comments every now and then too, but I just can't run around after everyone like I used- I'm not even going to try :0}
Put your feet up mama!!
Thanks ladies. I think the hormones are getting the best of me today.
Don't get me started on men. Hey, you're doing a great job. You really need to take care of your body because you only have this one opportunity to carry this precious baby and enjoy it too. Since your husband doesn't have to carry HIS child he needs to buck up and do his part, which I feel should be taking care of you physically AND mentally as well as keeping up HIS home and helping with HIS other child. Keep up the good work Momma and don't let the hormones get to you too bad. Sometimes we can't help it tough. Take Care. Carrie
You are NOT a bad wife but why don't you ask your doctor what you can do to better control your diabetes. I was diabetic with 2/3 of my kids and I know it is hard. Trust me I was high risk w all three of them but getting low blood sugar like that you need to eat more or they need to cut back on your insulin some. I have mainly had high blood sugar.
Sweetie, you're not a bad wife. It's hard enough working full time and taking care of 1 child. I can only imagine adding a high risk pregnancy and diabetes on to that. Really, you need some time to focus on you, and if he gets upset about it explain to him that it's not just for you, it's for the health of the baby that you 2 made together.
Oh honey! You really need some rest. Seriously. You need it so you can be happier and less stressed!
Girl me and you need to talk! First you ARE NOT a bad wife......sounds like you have a bad husband. Men have problems with realizing that we alot on our shoulders. Do you know that being a housewife/mom is one of the most inappreciative jobs?? I mean I wonder whatever a man would do if he had to FIRST carry the child, get up in the middle of night, change a million diapers and then get up and get the kids off to school, go to your full time job and then come home cook, baths, homework, phone ringing, kids screaming, cleaning.....GIRL he would fall to pieces. You need to tell him he needs to pitch and help if he things are not to his par. You need to start enjoying life and your child. Sounds like you need to take a time out for yourself and make yourself happy and then worry about him.
Thanks again girls. I just feel bad because I do tend to get snippy sometimes and he does a lot more around the house than I do. I don't want him to think I don't appreciate him and all he does for us.
i don't work outside the home but am a pt photographer, as well as care for my 3 children , pregnant AND also a type 1 diabetic.. my hubby will make comments like "what'd you do all day?" or when i go out on the weekends for a photography session, he acts as if it's "for fun" and not part of bringing in some money!
anyway, men do not appreciate all we go thru. i always tell me hubby when i am preg he gets to care for the other kids while he is home because i already have a human i am creating and IT IS hard work.. ESPECIALLY like you said when you have high risk complicated preg by diabetes which can drain you from the hi's and lows like nobody's business!!!
i am sure he appreciates you! hormones certainly do not help these situations :( *HUGS*
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I honestly don't see anything you've written that says you are a bad wife. Heck, I stay at home and don't get the housework done. My kids are 20 months and 7 months, so I often times have those fellows keeping me busy. I think the same you do, "He probably thinks I'm a lazy do-nothing." Ah, but come to find out, that isn't the case at all. He understands.
I know you have sugar problems and are pregnant on top of it, so when you are feeling ok (meaning not defensive) try talking to him about it. You can never go wrong with a good sit-down-talk-about. Don't snap (I know how hard that can be sometimes...) and just listen to his thoughts, and share your own.
He is probably more understanding than the back of your mind gives him credit for. ;-)
Cheer up, ok? If it makes any difference, you're doing the best you can for your family, and that's what's important. :-)
- Mangy_Momma
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