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Feeling Bad
- Nov 1, 2008 at 5:35 PM
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- Comments (6) Total Views (85) Everyone can see this journal post.
I woke up to the sound of the baby crying. My girls were already up, my husband had already served them breakfast. It was so nice of him to let me sleep.
I started my routine pretty much the same as every weekend. Don't know when I began to feel cranky; the baby writing on the wall or the girls spilling juice on the carpet? Anyhow I tried to just wipe everything up and keep going.
Make myself a quick breakfast because I needed to keep an eye on my son -- he was running around the apartment grabbing everything... I saw him with a marker (again!) and so I abandoned my breakfast to take it away from him.
So basically I was putting out fires until about 11:30. By that point, the girls were re-decorating their Halloween pumpkins and the baby was napping. My husband and I were trying to watch a movie (and of course, there were the interruptions of the girls every few minutes, but we're used to that.
I ordered a pizza pie -- the baby woke up when it arrived. He was ultra-cranky. He's almost 20 months old, and he doesn't like to sit in his high chair, but if we leave him to sit with his sisters, he doesn't eat.
Sooooo, put him in the chair, cut up the pizza in tiny pieces, and give him his little fork -- he has been feeding himself for the last two weeks.
My husband needed to ready to leave and I was really hungry, and I was in such a rush to sit down and eat that I forgot to bring the girls juice. That's when the baby starting crying (shrieking) because he couldn't pinch the pizza onto the fork. The girls were complaining at the same time, and I was trying to get the pizza onto the fork but the baby wouldn't let go of it, he just screamed louder.
It just became a wall of noise and I got stressed out. My son pushed the plate and all the little pieces jumped off of it. I began to yell at him to stop, then he cried more. My husband was getting the juice for the girls and didn't see what happened, he got upset. He didn't eat lunch because he was going to be late. He stormed out of the house.
The baby kept crying and I just had enough! I found myself screaming, '"Just stop! Stop it!"
I sat there and cried. I lost my appetite and felt so terrible. What is wrong with me? I deal with this sort of thing everyday, why did I blow up today?
I fed my son the rest of his lunch, and he ate everything. He didn't try to take the fork away from me. Hindsight is 20/20 they say. It's true. Had I just served the kids first, it would have been better. I know this, but my hunger and stress got the better of me.
I feel like such a bad mom. I kissed my little boy and apologized to the girls for my outburst. My husband is not back yet, I just hope that I can clear my head and not get react like that anymore.
I am so embarrassed to even put this on my journal, but I know there are other moms out there who feel the same. Sometimes it gets to be too much! I have one friend who has 4 children, all around the same age as mine. I don't know how she deals. She's a lawyer and works all kinds of hours, I rarely get to speak to her. And none of my friends have 3 children. They've got one or two, and while they feel stressed, too, they say things like 'I don't know how you do it.'
It's only times like these when I wonder the same thing.
Comments:
I know I don't have 3 kids, but with my 2, my 19 yr old brother, mom, and Pete all in the household there are times when I just can't take the stress of it all and I find myself blowing up at the stupidest little things. I have to wake up my mom to make sure she gets to work on time, stay on Pete's case about his school work since he's in college, stay on the kids case to clean up after themselves and to do their homework and stay on my brother's case just to get him to do one or two chores here and there since mom still does EVERYTHING for him when she's home.... I swear it feels like I am the only "adult" here and sometimes I just can't take it.
By the way, don't feel bad. You're only human too and the kids should learn by example that it is ok to have a bad day sometimes. You lost your temper and you apologized, admitting you were wrong to them. Most parents don't take the time to explain themselves to their kids, so you did alright.
you blew up today b/c you hit the fucking wall of not beign able to deal anymore. everyone has a threshhold, you hit yours. no biggie....it's just life sista.
I've had an episode like yours as well....and i can't admit what happened. i removed myself from the house...and called al from outside. luckily he was almsot home...everyone was physically fine and safe but we were all crying from the tripwire being set off on me and me losing it BIG TIME and i literally had to leave them to keep from making the situation much worse. my kids push and push and push and scream, with me naturally, not with Al.
look point being, you're not a bad mom, you tried an experiment (allowing all to feed themselves, including you) and it failed, creating dramadramadrama. you recouped, moved on, and all is well. kids are resilient little bastards. and when ppl say 'i don;t know how you do it with 3' they really mean it in admiration...I know i do!!!
hang in there G, we;re all in the same boat doing the best we can!!!!
i understand....i have 3 also and there have been times when i have yelled "STOP IT!" too. you are not alone. i would just do what you did.....hug and apologize and let them know that everyone has a bad day here and there. we are all human. you love them and you care for them 24/7 and that is huge. it's ok. we have all been there and can totally understand losing it here and there! hang in there. it will get better. my youngest is 3 1/2 and life is getting almost somewhat normal now. baby yrs were hard.
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Its so hard being a mom!! I have two boys that are 22 months apart and they drive me up the wall!!! YOur a great mom, Big hugs to you.
- mcqueenmom
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