Ok so i had to work all weekend... PLUS i work at home as a foster mom to 2 special needs women so yea its like i never get a day off... I love both my jobs i really do but even i need a break from it all. And low and behold where was hubby ooohhh all stressed out from just working with the girls all week... mind you from the time they get home 330pm till 730pm bed time.. WTF! and he takes off to the cabin cuz he needs some HIM time WHHHAATT him time what the hell about me. I havent had a day a whooollleeee day to myself in my OWN home since christ i bet MAY! Then call me up telling me hes so busy with projects at the cabin ohh kiss my ass

im home here not feeling good getting a cold busting my ass at the nursing home to come home at 10pm and sleep and get up deal with the girls THEN do it all Fuckin over again ..

Oh and not to mention my Period hasnt shown up yet thats another post... BUT walmarts gonna run out of HPT's pretty soon and then me and god are gonna have a showdown as to why its ALWAYS negitive... FIrst he teases me with a positive in April and then takes it away! Yea a M/C.. Holidays just around the corner and i would have been due at Christmas time... I Love xmas ! Would have been perfect! But nope that was taken from me too... I see lil babies and i just want to break down right there and cry.. ANd i see pregnant women and i just want to sock em in the face.... ( not really but in my head its a good idea) Im super stressed i think...


Not to mention my husband goes to jail on this comeing weekend for a super moronic move he made in March of this year... I dont even know if i believe his story but right now im mad lol so nothingmakes sence to me. He Got a DWI ok um hello mc fly we all know its against the law but nnoooo my husband goes ahead and does it and we arnt talking had a couple drinks we are talking DREWWWLLING passed out in a snowbank with the truck stuck drunk ... in a trailer park.... hmmm ne way that was before we were married and has now so called got some help with his drinking... Doesnt drink any more but none the less my whole family and life gets upset because he wasnt smart enough NOT TO DO IT.... Never mind thinking about everyone at home or your family or anyone else other than numero uno ...AKA why hes not got a job here yet.. he moved up here htis summer when we got married. WIll get a job when hes out of jail... WE yea i like that HE does the wrong doing and i have to say WE decided it so he can still be in his sons life while hes in Jail ...So me i got to get the job FUCK... sorry ..

I dont mind working i really dont. But the sole reason I got a job at home was so id never have to punch a time clock ever again.

ANd then my one day off this week before he goes in he fuckin stays at the cabin ... after all he needs to have dinner with his parents to say good bye OH COME ON he was down there alllll weekend long couldnt have had dinner with them???

I sit here hormonal and feeling miserable cuz i cant help but think about the fact that if i had not lost that baby i would be a mom next month... And that makes me so crazy sad and mad.

Its ever so frustrating that some women just think about being pregnant and then bam... What the hell is so wrong with me that i cant have a baby... Oh then you 've got hubby telling me oh lets just wait lets just wait ooohhh sure you can wait you have a lil boy ... someone to call you daddy someone who looks just like you who looks up to you who loves you unconditionally OF COURSE you would want to wait... NOT ME i want those things so badly my whole being has always wanted to be a mom but who understands me NO ONE unless on here where there are women who share my pain. Im sick of feeling so worthless fertility wise. It makes me feel like less of a woman . Tell me to wait well i ought to tell you to wait till next bow season or fishing season to do what you fuckin love to do then tell me what its like to be told to wait


Then its nice out today would hav eLOVED to get the xmas outside decorations out and up but NOOO 4wheeler is in the damn way and the big table saw that i cant move if i wanted to WTF its like for christs sake

OF course then theres the Budget oh fuck the budget lol i need retail therapy! Come on i bring in ALLL The money All of it every last fucking penny and im gonna get the third degree for buying a few small things go to hell!

whew that feels a lil better.....

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Comments:

divin...
Nov. 3, 2008 at 1:32 PM

Sure glad you got that off your chest and didn't kill anyone - like hubby.

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BethInWI
Nov. 3, 2008 at 6:27 PM

lol i know lol i had it built up for a while

 

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Aniyu...
Nov. 16, 2008 at 10:08 AM

clapping

I know (well in a sense) how u feel

ttc # 1 for 2 years on Nov. 17th.

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