My Husband...

[AusAshMommy]

Good Evening Girls!

 

I know I have been absent from the loop - been reading when I can, work has just been busier than all get out lately!

 

Anyhew, I have a HUGE issue I need some guidance with and I will attempt to break-it down as best as I can:

 

On Wed (10/15) I called my husband James on my way to pick-up Ashley (which is the norm) and he tells me I wouldn't believe the day he's had - he went out to the prison in Castle Hayne (20 mins away from Wilmington) for a sales meeting and both his store manager and another co-worker left him there.  Then, on the way home he asks me to drop him off at the Sheriff's office here in town for another meeting Thurs (10/16) morning on my way to work instead of the store where I normally drop him off.

 

On Thurs (10/16) my husband James called me at work and told me he needed to speak with me on my cell outside - so I go downstairs and call him back. He's upset and tells me he no longer works for Lowe's Companies, Inc. and that he's been charged with embezzlement. Initially I go into manager mode and begin spitting off orders for him - he's going to go to Soc. Sec. on Friday and get us Food Stamps (never thought I'd see that day), State Health Insurance for the kids, he's now in charge of the house, kids, and keeping things in order. I will try to do what I can at work to maintain our income.  However, the more I thought about it, the angrier I got! I starting running through what went down on Wed - come to find out he was ARRESTED on Wednesday and put before the Magistrate on Thursday, where he opted for an Attorney versus immediately pleading guilty/not-guilty. He's cooperating with everyone and not denying his actions.

 

Here's the thing, starting Aug 18th until Oct 8th he generated orders on Lowes' system, refunded the order and then pocketed the cash on 11 different occasions, stealing all in all $900. I didn't have CLUE 1 what was going on - only to find out later that I was lied to for 2.5 mos.  He took the monies for groceries and activities with the kids and family - not once for gambling, drugs, alcohol, or anything so unsavory.  When I got home on Thurs my Mother-in-Law had arrived and I just kept to myself.  I reviewed his paperwork and he's being charged with 3 counts class H Felony Embezzlement - which carries up to max 30 mos each count in prison - though the likelihood of this is rare.  So we're more looking at restitution to Lowe's for the $900, and 2-3 years probation with the felony indictment on his record. 

 

I spent the weekend thinking things through and sent him off to his Mom's hotel on Thurs night so I could clear my head - I've got three options as I look at it, his family is backing him 100%, my family and me are not backing the criminal trial, process, none of it. I want no part of it! In fact, my family is pushing me to leave and move up to MD...so here are the options...

 

1. Stay with Jimmy and try to rebuild the trust that was lost - giving him the chance to regain my love and trust.

 

2. Go home to MD and file for formal separation, custody and eventually divorce

 

3.  Kick him out, sell the house, and begin my life anew with the kids...

 

I am babbling...

[onegirltwoboys]

Nov. 4, 2008 at 6:06 PM

Oh Lara, what an ordeal!  I saw your post on CC in the Jan Moms thread and came over here via your MySpace.  I don't even know what to tell you, I'm so shocked.  :(  I'm just so sorry that you even have to deal with something like this at all.

[onegirltwoboys]

Nov. 4, 2008 at 6:06 PM

Oh, by the way, it's Sherry.  Sorry, forgot to say so.

[lara33]

Nov. 21, 2008 at 7:52 AM

Lara,

I just saw your response when coming over to write a chat note about Twilight.  I'm sorry I didn't see this earlier! :( I'm so sorry.  What a difficult position to be put in.  And what a stupid thing for your husband to do! No money is worth this trouble and shame.  And you didn't even "need" the money really.  At least it doesn't seem there was any dire situation to explain his stealing, not that stealing is good in any circumstance.  Regardless, I do wish you ALL the best.  Please let me know how things are now. 

xoxo

~Lara

[AusAshMommy]

Nov. 21, 2008 at 9:39 AM

Lara ~ Honestly, we're still in a holding pattern after 6 weeks...I am trying to decide if I can trust him again, if I can love him again, etc...its been a long six weeks with a LOT of arguing and a LOT of talking...we're seeing a marriage counselor in Dec, so maybe she can guide me toward some kind of decision.

Thanks for your concern

(Original Poster)

[lara33]

Nov. 22, 2008 at 7:48 AM

That sounds like a good idea.  And there is absolutely no rush to decide what to do Lara.  It's great you are taking the time to work through all of this to come to a good decision for you and your family.  Make the best decision for YOU.  In the end that is what is most important and will trickle down to your children.  If you are happy, no matter what you decide, then that is what they will see.  I feel for your husband too.  Geeze, what a mess! But it will be OK.  It hurts and will take time, but it WILL be Ok.  I'm here in the best way I can be for you too mama! xoxo