I feel like I want to quit my deaf church.. Read and tell me ur opinion.

[LilApplesofMine]

8 yrs ago i joined a wonderful deaf church in my hometown at 19 yrs old. Things were good and it is a small. My paster and his wife have 10 children. His wife handles most of the things for choir, singing in church and etc.. I and some of the members use to have the heart without pressure to volunteer to sing and etc. We have like regular events for thanksgiving, retreats and etc.
  A couple joined in 2 years ago. Beth the Hearing woman and her husband whos's hard of hearing. Both do sign language. i have no plm with her husband, he's very nice and always greets everyone.
As for Beth, she has taken over control of our church. She's very blunt and has no mercy.. She created a few new groups like for the deaf teens and etc. I think that is wonderful but is pushing more and more.. Our church is small and has so much activies now. It's alot of pressure. Since she has joined and taken over, some hearing has joined and sings in church. Things has changed the past 2 yrs and my spirit has totally gone downhill and I am strugglin to lift my spirit up. I use to sing in church and ppl loved it. But for over a year now I had quit.. Beth is in control now and my pastor's wife has given some of her place to her and some hearing members as well. Doenst feel like a deaf church.. Recently there was pastor appreaction. Most of us deaf have limited income and we were pushed to pay for pastor's suit, boots, and etc same thing as last year and cover for them to go to the small vacation place. I think it's nice to do soemthing like that but it was too much. Then for a ladies retreat. we were pushed to pay for some gifts for the pastor's wife and even she doesnt want us to pay for anyting, Beth insisted! She demanded we pay over 10.00 no less. recommended we put it in gift cards.Both in the same month.
So i brought a gift card for pastor's wife from joe beans..
Adrive thru coffee thing but has protein shakes and etc that she likes (knowing she doesnt like coffee) but the shakes. I was told by a friend of mine that she had a smirk on her face and laughed it off like i was stupid.  Another thing I learned was when i followed for the 1st time to go to the ladies retreat in another state. Shes the leader in driving and when we went to walmart. I had to use the bathroom twice cuz i had the virus. A friend told me she was frasrated and in a hurry and was going to leave me and a few moms who rides with me to myself to find my way to the beach house..  Unfortunaly it didnt happen. but when i see Beth, she like totally different. Friends are telling me things that she doesnt tell me in person.Before the retreat. there was a meeting i couldnt last to wait cuz i felt so sick and whatever i missed, she had told my friend "too bad" that's my plm about what i missed even my husband asked her was there anything i needed to know before we left, she said no. She even has the nerve that if no one is willing to pay for the gifts and etc. WHy go to mcdonalds and not give up 5.00 for that? But neways. i feel she looks me down. She rarley said hi to me or anything. I have never done anything wrong to hurt her and i have no idea what is wrong. She's very involve with those who are very commited in serving in church. I want to so bad but feel so disencouraged. She has no mercy and that is in her personailty. I feel she looks me down and i feel like a failure and worthless. I just want to quit church. I have had enough of it already and have been dreading of going. I love god and love hearing his words.  But as for her being in my view and the things she says and etc. I just cant seem to tolerate it.. She says hi and hugges the others and hold their babies even I have a 4 month old. I feel im the ugly person to her.. I use to do things that was used to fill my heart with joy and then i feel like i got step on like a bug. Im a very sensitive person and always a great mentor for other moms. I know Im a great influence for my friends and love them dearly. The only thing I dont want to quit on is my children to go to church. That's my heart for them. Even If i try to move to another church , my pastor's wife would be heartbroken and doesnt want me to leave. She's so wrapped up in what she has to do with the lord and i totally understand. I use to have a close relationship with her and she was like my god mom or big sister. My heart just breaks and i never felt so alone. It's like she forgets that I and some of the ladies (some of been going hardly atl all that used to be faithful members) are there and have been for a long time. til Beth came and a few hearing joined in. U can see them always getting together and talking and NOT SIGNING in front of the deaf which is rude in our opinion.. As for Beth, so many activties are planned and planned and planned and our church is so small that some are burning themselves out. Family time of visiting others is hard to fit in, spending time with family at home, making other plans to get out and enjoy our own life.. It's always something every month. Imagine this.. Sunday service at 9 am, then church service at 10 til 11:30 then drive an hour away for antoher church service at 2 pm then finishes at 3 30. then drive back an hour again for awanas and class at 6 pm.. then finishes about 7 30.. then weds at 7pm..  i dont know. i really can say alot more on this but i think this is enough.. I like to hear what are ur opinions.. My heart is for the lord and i desire to serve but at the same time without encouragement and etc is really hitting me on the ground and i feel depressed about my church than i have ever been in my entire life.. What is ur honest opinion?

[Kellyjude1]

Nov. 5, 2008 at 8:59 PM

 I am sorry you are going through this.  From your posting your heart seems to be with your church and I would think it would be a shame if you had to leave because of this woman.  Don't allow her to take complete control or charge of you.  It is one thing if she wants to control some things at church, however you are your own person.  You should not feel down because of her.  My aunt is deaf and she tells me sometimes hearing people just do not understand deaf people or now how they  feel.  I am hearing and I do sign language - I have been in my aunt's company when hearing people have ignored her and just kept talking as she would just stand there.  I know where you are coming from with that statement.  I think you just need to do what your heart tells you.  Church should be a place of peace- don't allow her to upset you. 

[Dare2Bme71]

Nov. 6, 2008 at 8:23 AM

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