Thoughts of today...

[DOJOkarateMom]

I have had so much going on today that I'm boggled. Run down. Exhausted. In desperate need to just cry and fall into someone's arms for comfort. Only there is no one there to catch me and let me know that everything will be alright.

Today is the Anniversary of the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald. To most of you, this means nothing. I'm originally from Duluth Minnesota, the Great Lake Superior harbors in Duluth. Many ships of all types come in and out of Duluth. One of the most famous ships is the Edmund Fitzgerald. She was sunk one late stormy night on Lake Superior. Waves so high that they crashed over the sides of the ship. One of those waves cracked the ship in half. It sank. All died aboard. In Duluth it is a recognized anniversary. There are descendants of those from the ship who still live in Duluth. Some of them are friends of mine. This is one thing on my mind today... as it is every year.

My supervisor at work informed me today that my job is more or less on the line. Apparently there are those that I trusted at work who are reporting things that are rediculous to be wasting time on reporting. The fact that I'm parking in front of the building instead of the back as the rest of the people I work with in my department do, is an issue. Why? Not sure why that is an issue... it seems like a pathetic issue. I keep my things (purse and coat) in another co-worker's office as there is no "safe" place to keep them in my department. I trust this co-worker, we have kids who are in karate together, we have a lot of things in common. There are people I work with in my department that I do not trust to leave my things unattended. There are no places for our things to be kept in our department except on a shelf. No thank you! There is also that I have to be reaching a certain time limit when getting my work done. I'm not reaching that time as soon as I expected to. I wish I was. I have found one reason why my time is down. I'm cleaning up after another new worker (whose time is getting to that expected time) as I'm going through my things. It takes a little to get through my stuff when I'm playing maid and mother to capable coworkers. I have to reach the expected time by the end of the month or I will lose my job.

I am once again dealing with my mother. I'm not sure how many of you know, but I'm living with my mother. I have the top floor of her house for my son and I. She has the basement and we share (not completely it feels though) the main floor. I agreed to this situation to help save some money on my part, be there to help my mother (who has in the past come close to burning down the house due to neglect), get help from my mother with my son, and try to create a better relationship between us. As previous posts have stated... that's not working so well. She's always yelling at me. In front of my son no less. He goes to see his grandmother on his father's side one weekend a month. This last time she called me up yelling at me about what's been happening at our house and the stress it's been putting on my son. I'm afraid that she may try to take custody of my son or convince my son's father to get custody. I mention this to my mother tonight when she decided to go on one of her rant and rave moments. She said "that will solve your problem" and then walked away. How rude! How horrible! How insulting! How hurtful.

On the smaller issues but still on my mind... my son needs to get his chicken pox vaccine updated as there is chicken pox going around his class. I'm worried he may already have the virus in his system and it's just wishing to come out. I have to schedule his check-up to get his second flu mist, the chicken pox vaccine update, talk with his doctor about his meds, and an over-all check-up. There are financial issues that I'm trying to deal with. My car needs new breaks, rotators, tires, and some very expensive part. Christmas is coming and I have no money to get gifts for people in my family. Course if things continue on the course it is going with my mother... I won't have to worry about that side of the family.

Anyway, these are a few things that are going through my head today...

Getting it out, seems to be less heavy on my mind.