It gets easier...

[kira110782]

I know the pain lessens.  I know it gets easier to remember the good times without crying.  Like remembering the time a group of us rented an SUV to go to King's Dominion.  We were driving by the mall with the windows rolled down and the radio blarin a song, "Move b!tch, get out the way"!  A convertible with a group of black guys rolls up...Steph, girl!  Remember how we could not stop laughing as we rolled up the windows!!  Or the time the roller coaster got stuck!  Girl, you were terrified and laughed so hard about it later.

Right now, it is so difficult.  I miss her.  She was, and still is my best friend, my "unbiological sister", the one I chose.  I don't know how to say goodbye.  And I don't know how to let go.  I cannot bring myself to remove your number from my phone.  And yet, I find myself, even though I know you're gone, trying to call you.  Like right now...I want to pick up the phone to call and tell you that Katelyn is ALF reincarnated!  She was trying to eat Buddy!  Starting at the ears, just like Alf!  You would laugh, and say, "Awww!!" And I can remember your voice and the tone you would use like it was yesterday.  And we would laugh even harder at the fact that Katelyn literally gave Buddy a bath!  And then laugh uncontrollably at the fact that she is gonna have one helluva hairball and Buddy is now traumatized for life!

It sucks.  Writing helps.  But I find myself crying more.  I start out by laughing.  Then the sadness kicks in and the hurt.  And then the realization that I will never hear her voice, there for me when I need you...And you no longer need me.  I cry over the stupidest things.  I know you are in a better place, Steph.  I know you are no longer hurting.  But I also know how much I still need you...How many plans we had and things we still had left to do!  And it hurts. 

I think about how you never got to meet Katelyn.  And how my kids adored you...Alan and Haylee...I don't know how to tell them that they will never see you again.  That you are now their guardian angel and I know you will always protect them.  Writing helps, but it also hurts.  Steph, I don't know what to do without you.  You were there, even after I left and joined the military.  Even after I moved 3000 miles away.  You were there.  I never had to ask. 

My mom says you were a once in a lifetime friend.  And you know what?  Steph, she is right...

I miss you...already...and I love you, Girl. 

[Sarebare]

Nov. 11, 2008 at 10:09 AM

I'm sorry. That's really all I can say. Some souls are just too good to remain in this place for long. I hope your heart will heal and all you will remember are the good times and not the pain and loss. You're in my thoughts hun.