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I have Trichotillomania and I'm not ashamed (Repost)
- Nov 11, 2008 at 10:50 AM
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- Comments (65) Total Views (2491) Everyone can see this journal post.
After my 7 Random things about me post people have been asking me about my Trichotillomania so I thought I would repost this in order to answer their questions
Now I know the first thing everyone is going to ask is, What is Trichotillomania?
Trichotillomania is an impulse control disorder that results in pulling one's hair out. Most often it is scalp hair that is pulled out, but it can be from anywhere on the body that hair grows. This includes legs, arms, eyebrows, eyelashes, underarms, pubic hairs, etc. In my case it is the scalp, legs and eyebrows.
Recurrent pulling of one's hair often results in noticeable hair loss. On the scalp it is usually seen as a bald spot, but can also mimic general thinning. With eyebrows and eyelashes it is often seen as extremely thin hairs or patches of missing lashes. Most people who have trich hide their hair loss with makeup or wigs. In cases of hair pulling on extremities it is hidden with long pants or sleeves.
People with trichotillomania usually feel "alone" in dealing with their condition. I feel part of this is due to how little is known about Trichotillomania, but it is also due to the person not wanting to admit that they are the result of their hair loss. They often feel that there is something wrong with themselves that causes them to pull. Often this is a result of being ridiculed as children by family members and peers alike who do not understand the condition. This leads a lot of people with trichotillomania to blame their hair loss on other conditions such as alopecia or chemotherapy.
I find trichotillomania tends to occur in cases where the person with trichotillomania is either under-stimulated, over-stimulated or both. Over-stimulation usually occurs when the person is stressed out over something. In these cases it is easier to recognize the impulse as the impulse is being used to relive stress. In under-stimulation it is much harder to recognize the impulse because the person is usually unaware that they are pulling. This can happen when sitting at a red light in traffic, reading a book, watching TV, or any number of relaxing situations. In my opinion this is the worst case because the person doesn't realize they are pulling until a bald-spot or thinning has already occurred.
Trichotillomania is also a chronic biological condition, meaning it is life-long. Biological means it is caused by the way the chemicals in your body work and how your brain is hard-wired. There is no cure for Trichotillomania, however there are many treatment options available. One of the most common treatments is Habit Reversal Training(HRT). In this people are taught to identify certain things that "trigger" their pulling and learn how to redirect the desire or impulse to pull into something else. Now on to my story.
I have dealt with trichotillomania since the age of twelve. I didn't realize what I was doing in most cases and didn't even know what it was called until I was seventeen. I used to think there was something wrong with me until I researched trichotillomania more. I have gone through times when I had no eyelashes and I covered it with eyeliner, a receding hairline of 2 inches with bald patches that I would cover by styling my hair differently, and a period of not wearing shorts in 100 degree weather to hide my legs and blaming the scars on mosquito bites. I would clean up piles of hair from the floors around me, enough hair to think it was a small dog. I have come a LONG way since then. My first step was coming to terms with my trich and accepting it as a part of my life.
"I have trichotillomania, I will always have trichotillomania and it is up to ME to control my trich and not let it control me".
After coming to terms with my trich it as time I learned my triggers. I am likely to pull in stressful situations, whether it be while taking a test, a death in the family, or I simply feel I have more than I can handle. It is also in these instances that I tend not to care if I pull or not. I may say I don't care but really I DO. I also pull when I am bored, at traffic lights, reading books, watching TV, or just before bed and just waking up when I am still tired. I also try to avoid too many mirrors as seeing the hair makes me want to pull it. Even sitting here and typing as I gather my thoughts I must redirect the impulse to pull.
I allow myself some pulling "freedom". This helps me to control my impulse to pull. I allow myself to pull hairs from places that hairs would be "unsightly" for example I have a mole on my chin that I llow myself to pull hairs from. Also right after shaving my legs if I missed a few hairs on my knees or around the ankles.
Yes I still pencil in my eyebrows where I have pulled and yes I still wear jeans more often than I do shorts. However the scars on my legs are starting to diminish in appearance and my eyebrows are growing in. I do still pencil them in but it is to maintain a normal appearance while they grow in. Will I do it forever, I'm not sure. I am well aware that my currnet life and fiture life with Trich will include relapses in which I will feel I have no control. This is when I will have to again with coming to terms with my trich again. It will always be an uphill battle but it will always be within my ability to control.
I'm afraid this is where I must stop. My train of thought is being interrupted. Should you have any further questions regarding Trichotillomania or my experiences with it feel free to ask. I also encourage those of you who may be dealing with your trich in silence to check out the groups here on cafemom for those who have it or know someone who does.
Trichotillomaina in Children and Adults
I hope this post has brought a greater understanding of Trichotillomania to you.
*** I wanted to add for those of you who do suffer from Trichotillomania I would suggest getting the book "The Hair Pulling Problem: A complete guide to Trichotillomania" By Dr. Fred Penzel. It was reading this book that helped me to come to terms with my Trich and has allowed me the ability to manage it effectively ***
Comments:
Thank you for sharing that.......this was very interesting to learn about.
Great post Kristi.
I enjoyed this the first time and here I am enjoying it again! Thanks for providing such a wealth of info for those who may not even be aware that they have a problem!
Gee. I must have started a new trend with the journals (again,lol).
Thanks Kristi for the explanation. You and I have talked on the phone about it. But, not in this great of detail.
There needs to be more awareness out there for this.
I'm so proud of you being able to talk about this condition. You're right, in that, not many people know about it because of the shame that those who have it keeps them from talking about it. I knew what it was because my mom and sister both have it. At one point, when I was younger and being abused, I believe I had it too. I would catch myself pulling my arm hairs out. I stopped because I didn't want them to grow back making me look like a man - LOL. I have to admit though, I still pluck my gray hairs out. I catch myself doing it after stressful situations. My DIL is always telling me to "STOP IT!"
I just didn't know about the triggers and such, so the info you shared was very informative and educational. As long as I can remember my mom has plucked hairs from her head, and like you said, she wasn't even aware she was doing it. I remember one time asking her if that hurt, and she asked me, "Does what hurt?" I didn't pursue it because I didn't want to embarrass her.
Knowing the kind of life my mom had, it's a wonder she didn't do more than pluck her hair out! I'd much rather have a person do that than turn into a sociopath and blame the bad childhood they had for being a serial killer.
It's nothing to be embarrassed, or ashamed of. There's probably someone all of us know that has this. Again, thank you for educating us.
Thanks for this post. My mom and my niece both have this condition.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I voted this one poopular for you.
I'm always amazed how many women relate to you when you post this, Kristi.
I am too Joye, I am too. Each time someone relates it makes me feel as though I'm helping others with this condition. Just that little bit of extra understanding and compassion can go a long ways.
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Thank you for sharing Kristi! It is very interesting.
- gypsysmiles
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