Trying to do everything on my own and deal with him too

[LittleDsMomma]

My boygfriend is from Bermuda and I live in Maine. In December we will celebrate our 3 year mark which is very exciting. We met in high school and since then he has been going home every summer to work and I stay here. During the rest of the year we live together. This type of cycle was possible because of school. Since my boyfriend is not a U.S. citizen he cannot stay here in the United States for no reason. So while he was in school he was here on a visa. In January I found out I was pregnant and in the middle of May he went back home to Bermuda to work for the summer. He came back here in time for me to deliver the baby at the end of September.  Currently he is back in Bermuda working so he can make enough money to help support me and our baby and plus he can't really be here anyways because he chose not to go back to school. Typically it would be ok for him to be there but since we have a baby it is very hard now. He was here for the first two weeks of our child's life and then left and since then I have been doing everything myself. My baby is now a little over 6 weeks and though its gotten a little easier I still find everyday to be a struggle. Not only do I have to deal with the fact that I miss my boyfriend dearly but also that he is missing out on so many mini milestones that my son is having. He will never get those moments back. How can he stand to miss them? I get so frustrated sometimes because I don't have him here to help me. I feel like he is getting it easy by just working everyday. He only works 9-5 but I'm working a full-time 24/7 job here! My mother is always eager to help me out and I greatly appreciate it but I would be happier if my boyfriend was here helping me. I often times get stressed out because I think about the future. He will be filling out immigration paperwork soon so that he can stay here with us but I have no idea how long that will take. How long will I have to raise our son by myself?!! I just want us to be one big happy family but I am so afraid it will never happen. I want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend and eventually have more babies but I just don't know how much longer I can do it on my own. Its so hard. I also feel guilty sometimes because I am so consumed with taking care of our baby that I barely have time to think about my boyfriend or get to talk to him. I hope he understands that I still love him greatly but I am just a little stressed and busy. I will finally get to see him on December 22nd and I know I will be happy but I also feel like I may be resentful of him not being here all this time. He can't just come back here and pick up where he left off because things have changed. My baby has grown and developed and I have worked out a perfect system and schedule and thats how we live. My boyfriend will want to come and do everything his way. I hope we don't argue but I just don't know. I don't even know if I am the same person that he left. I hope our relationship can last because this may be the hardest thing we have had to deal with since we have been together. I'm just so frustrated!