Where to begin?  This is just a bunch of random thoughts so it might jump around and have no purposeful direction.  Consider yourselves warned :)

I am helping my daughter research for a project that she's doing on the Hopi tribe.  Two things about this:  A)  I fucking hate helping other people do research papers.  It's very frustrating to try and follow someone else's train of thought or figure out what is important and pertinent information for THEM.  Okay.  And B)  One part of the paper is supposed to be about religious aspects of the Hopi tribe.   Here's what I found interesting.  And, quite honestly, infuriating.  Almost every link that we went to for research listed their religious beliefs as "mythology".  Really?  Mythology?  So, the Hopi Gods are mythological creatures, but the Christian God is a religious figure?  Someone please explain this distinction to me.

(next thought)

I am suffering from depression again.  This comes and goes.  I'm typically used to it.  However, this is the worst episode that I've been faced with in years.  Really.  Years.  It's scaring me.  I'll leave that at that.

(next thought)

The economy is extremely scary right now, isn't it?  Man.  I know several people who are really and truly suffering right now.  It worries me to think that this is only the beginning.  2009 and 2010 are supposed to be MUCH worse than what we're seeing right now.  I shudder to think of what lies ahead if this is 'nothing' in comparison. 

(next thought)

I told my hubby that I want to move to a cabin in the woods somewhere.  I want to homeschool and grow our own food.  I want to raise our own grass-fed beef.  I want to reconnect with The Divine.  

But here's the catch.... (and there's always a catch)

I want "The Divine" to be bug free, snake free, bear free, mountain lion free..... well, you get the idea, right?  LOL  I don't expect much, huh?

(next thought)

I'm suffering a case of angry and bitter right now.  I'm so angry with, well, people in general right now.  I just can't seem to help myself.  I'm angry with my homestate of California for passing Proposition 8.  I mean REALLY angry.  I'm angry with religion right now in a huge way.  I try not to be, but I can't seem to help myself.  I'm angry with my government.  I'm angry with my family. I'm just angry.  And hurt.  But hurt seems to just breed more anger, you know?

(Final thought)

What makes a person radical?  I asked this question of some friends awhile back.  All of the answers I got were exact mirrors of what I would consider 'radical' means.  I'm not talking about the definition of radical.  I'm talking about the perceived notion of radical persons.  You know, the ones that are so extreme in their thoughts and actions that they can not, no matter how much info you throw at them, conceive of any idea that is not their own.  People that are obsessive.  People that only read 'radical' left or right wing news sources.  People that resort to violence to achieve their goals.  THESE are the radical persons that I think of when I hear someone say that another person is radical. 

Yet I've been told repeatedly that I am too *radical* and that I need to tune out for a bit, etc.  Basically because I watch the news every morning and choose to have discussions with my family about the things that I see on said news programs.... I'm radical.  I was told this morning that I need to "stop reading all of the crap that I do on here for at least a week because I'm getting too radical".  Really?  I sign on to CNN.com once a day to check the headlines from around the country.  That's it.  Yes, really.  That's it.  I don't spend hours surfing the web looking for the latest conspiracy theorist news.  I don't belong to any groups that are plotting dissent. 

I have come to the conclusion (after re-reading this lengthy and pointless diatribe) that I really am quite boring. 

And on that note, I have a radical, violent overthrowing of our government to plan.

Good night, ladies

And, as always, Blessed Be!

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Comments:

bella...
Nov. 11, 2008 at 9:04 PM

Thank you for sharing your thoughts T.  I am with you on so many levels with the depression issue and wanting to reconnect (as long as it is bug free and all the other things you listed) lol

You are right.  Hurt breeds anger.  Lets breathe and this shall pass.............................eventually haha

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queen...
Nov. 11, 2008 at 9:06 PM

Thanks, Bella.  Sometimes as awful as it is to think that someone might be hurting, it's also nice to know we're not alone. 

I am trying to breathe.  I got out my candles and incense today.  It helped.  For about a minute *lol*

Hang in there!  It will, indeed, pass.  It always does, right?

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sweet...
Nov. 11, 2008 at 9:12 PM

You are anything but boring. Take pride in your radical-ness, I learn from you. Hang in there, queen. Our day will come. And don't go hiding in the woods somewhere, we all need you. Really, I mean that.

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IsaQ
Nov. 11, 2008 at 9:13 PM

I'm depressed and angry too. That's it...just wanted to share that. Don't feel alone on this.

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queen...
Nov. 11, 2008 at 9:16 PM

Isa, hun.  I wish SO badly that I could just give you a huge hug right now.  :(   Keep your chin up and hang in there, babe.  My love and thoughts are with you.

 

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queen...
Nov. 11, 2008 at 9:17 PM

Sweet, you're awesome.  You really are.  Thank you for your kind words :)  I don't know about anyone needing me, but I doubt I'll be running off to the woods anytime soon.  Hey, maybe we can get the state of Cali to ban BUGS!  Then I really could run off to the woods and hide =D

(((hugs)))

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Jeang...
Nov. 11, 2008 at 10:36 PM

Queen, I think that you're an awesome, intelligent, strong-willed and beautiful person.  I do relate to what you're going through, I have overload issues from time to time where I now know when I just need to detach from everything temporarily to get my peace of mind back. Is it possible to unplug and focus on yourself for a day?  And being called radical is what I consider a compliment and have been called it at work several times. I'm not there anymore, but I loved that I had my own mind.

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DivaG
Nov. 12, 2008 at 3:59 AM

I will answer you with more rambling. ;-)

My thought reading this is that you are in a state of flux. That's probably a good thing because that's usually when change happens. Sure, life is scary right now but when we come out on the other end of the scary, we'll all be stronger for it. It's the whole bad with the good thing. It occurs to me that the moving to the woods thing fits here too, being with nature demands compromise, she doesn't do compromise though.

Hang in there and don't let other people's insecure opinions get you down because radical means being strongly different from the norm and you are certainly that; it's what makes you wonderful.

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queen...
Nov. 12, 2008 at 9:44 AM

Jean and Diva.  You ladies made my morning :)  Thank you. 

It's funny.  I guess I never really thought of myself as 'strongly different than the norm'.  I've always been such a pleaser that I felt I had no identity, really.

You two gave me something to think on and I thank you for that!

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