I'm on a hit list. This is awful.

[missjulia]

WARNING: If you're one of my dear Christian friends, you may want to skip this.  Then again, you may want to know how some of your parishoners come across, when they engage in the following highly-offensive behavior.  I love you; I don't love mean-spirited lies perpetuated in the name of "God."

Last night at the grocery store, I saw my neighbor (who just moved to a nearby street, due to foreclosure).  We did the, "Hi, how have you been?" thing.  He said, "We've gotta have you guys over."  Then we started talking about the housing market, which led to the economy, then the global economy, which led to his mention of Israel, the "FACT" that we're living in the end times--to which I said, "I'd like to fix THIS world, not look to the "next one" with faith-based idealism."  And I kid you not--he asked, "For instance, why is everybody picking on Israel?"  I said, "I don't see it that way at all.  I think they act like a spoiled child who postures, knowing they have 'big brother' backup."  Then he said, "But they're GOD'S CHOSEN PEOPLE."  *OMG, a modern-day Christian who admits that our foreign policy is rooted in ONE religion?  You don't say!*  "In the Bible, it says . . . God's gonna come back for them . . .  ."  I politely shook my head and he started in with JESUS: "Jesus was real."  I said, "Yes, Jesus was a real man.  I believe he did exist, and that he was good."  Then--"The Founding Fathers were Christians."  *Hold on.  I thought this one went out with parachute pants.* 

So--this guy's sharp, he really is.  I don't mean to make light of his obvious natural gifts.  He's a commissioned insurance salesman.  He's quick on the draw.  And he has a very charming demeanor and a perfect smile that never stops, even when he's pissed.  And cooool as a cucumber.  I could read his thoughts, because I've met this guy a million times.  I could already hear the story he was going to tell at Bible study--at his church, where he is "somebody": He stood his ground with these "lies" that Satan put in my head; God overcame him and brought forth this incredible message that I HEARD and now he's proud to put out the Welcome Mat for me, in Heaven.  I can see this man leading an adult Sunday School class.  He's perfect.  He's the kind of guy who could convince an audience that he's got "that thing" that they're all craving: that Fast-Lane Super Pass to God.  The offering basket would overflow on those days.

I explained, however escalating in my annoyance, that his grand "Prop 8" was oppressive and taking rights and mistaking a "right" for a "privilege," that Christians were going to get exactly what they're asking for: the government's separation from ALL marriages, and . . . that there is no "gay lifestyle."  Yep, I told him in front of my 14-year-old daughter: "If you want to get technical, I can have the same kind of sex with my husband.  And if I have a close, loving friendship with Sheila (my pet name for lesbians) and don't have sex at all, but make her my one-and-only and share a bed, I guess I'm "living the gay lifestyle?"  He actually told me, *OK, maybe I exaggerated his intellect earlier* "If everyone started living that way, would we even exist?"  *I don't have to explain what I said to that, right?*  Oh Lord . . .

The more politely disagreeable I was, the harder he worked.  He told me that this Savior could live in my own heart if I would JUST OPEN UP MY HEART.  I told him I spent my first 25 years in the Evangelical church thank you very much.  He asked me, "What happened to you?" and told me he'd "pray for God to open up (my) eyes."  I told him I thought that was an arrogant position to take, and that I was a "recovered Christian."  I saw him twitch.

He didn't like the part where I told him that his God would have had CPS called on him and that the religious principles he described sounded very Jihadist.  Nor did he like the Abraham Lincoln quote I gave him, which exemplified Lincoln's agnosticism.  When I told him "abortion" was another deflective issue, and that the Bible was written ambiguously because religion is a "business," and the confusion keeps people coming back to feed the offering basket, I saw fire in his eyes: "Abortion is murder."  I said, "What God did to his son was worse.  He made the rules and he set his children up for failure.  He had a child for the specific purpose of torturing and killing him.  Have you ever met someone who wishes they were never born?  I have: a fetal-drug-exposed, handicapped teenager.  Abortion is a child's right.  And it's Biblical."  I told him I'd e-mail him the "Congressional Handbook" by a Biblical scholar, which refutes everything he's saying, with scripture. 

The quote of his that I'll remember for always and hold dear to my heart because it was such a nice bonus gift of absolute validation that he gave me: "Knowledge is a fatal attraction."

I think we'll be declining the invitation.  And I've changed my mind about the e-mail.  However, I think I'm now the "Ace of Spades" on someone's religious hit list.

[amandae21]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 12:52 PM

Let me guess.... when his home was approaching foreclosure he was waiting for God to give him that blessing he prayed so hard for?

[missjulia]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 1:15 PM

Actually, they said to the neighbors, "We could afford it, if we wanted to.  But we don't want to."  Then they bought a brand-new vehicle, stayed in the home six months for free, and moved to their "other house" down the way.  I know the times are bad and I don't fault anyone who's fallen on them.  But--stick to one story, please and maybe exercise a little humility.  KWIM?

Ironically, their kid is the neighborhood "pot head" who reportedly gave an 11-year-old his "first try."  Yet they offered to "pray for" my daughter and us, when she told on their son for shooting--yes, shooting--a bee bee gun at little kids . . . on the public street. 

The thought that kept running through my head, while he was talking last night, was, "What terrible secret are they hiding?"

(Original Poster)

[JezebelKel]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 1:23 PM

He's hiding behind God----and one day God will out him.  Mark my words. 

[lawmom623]

Nov. 15, 2008 at 10:53 PM

MJ - from one recovered Christian to another, "I love you!"

[LilyofPhilly]

Jan. 3, 2009 at 12:22 AM

Woah!