Trying to hold all the feelings in....

[Buggirl]

Well basically i'll start from the beginning. When i was a baby, 23 years ago, my mom found a lump in her brest, while i was still nursing. She went to the doc back home and they told her it was nothing. the it grew really fast, So she went up to Roswell, and got admitted immediatly. She ended up losing both breasts, and eventually the cancer spread thru her whole body.. I turned 7 two months after she died. Anyhow the reason im bringing all this up is because my doctor wants me to make sure i get a mamogram and a hole bunch of other stuff... becuase my mom was only 32 when she died. So i went yesterday, and got schedualed for my mamogram, and possibly have to go for genetic testing. So the docs asked if i could get any of my moms records so they have an idea what happened with her, ofcourse this all is 16 years ago... and im able to get the records from one place but the other needs more info, which would be prolly lost over the last 16 years. So hopefully we can somehow either find it in my grammys things, or something.. its just frusterating! Then last night was really hard, i had a few nightmares about those few years that ive kinda supressed...

i really didnt want to go digging and have to refeel all this stuff, but i really think i never really dealt with all this when i was younger... i mean how could i, i was only 6 technically when she passed. And the worst part is, i remember my 7th birthday. No party, no smiles. And my dad took me to his moms (my grandma) who's religion, doesnt celebrate and she wouldnt even wish me a happy birthday or accknowledge me... and sadly i spent 9 years living with her, that started a few years after that...

boy dont all that just break your heart... =(

[mymommy31]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 6:05 PM

So sorry sweetie...i am here for you if you need anyone to talk to...i can kinda relate to what you are going through....i didn't lose my mom...thank the good Lord....but i have gone through the cancer scare myself...as recently as three weeks ago...if you need to talk give ma aholler...in my prayers