I screwed up - big time! and now I'm freaking out!

[elwalters77]

We were about out of propane, so to conserve, we stopped running our dryer and hung the clothes by the fireplace for weeks.  I tried taking a shower only every other day.  It was going to cost $467 for only 150 gallons of propane, which might last us 7 or 8 months, if we were lucky. 

So in all my infinite wisdom, I suggested we get an electric water heater and electric dryer and say screw the gas company.  The dryer can wait, so we went in search of a water heater.  We got one for $249, but all in all, it ended up costing us $380!  They wanted another $200 to install it, so we figured we'd do it ourselves. 

Big mistake.  We couldn't get the water to shut off and our basement is soaked, then the propane pipe snapped and we had to air out the house (thank goodness we didn't have a fire going at the time).  After hours, my husband was finally able to take out the old one and place the new one, but then couldn't get the pipes to connect.  We bent one a bit too much and then we had to solder the connections, which didn't hold.  Plus, we were barely able to plug the thing in.  We ended up calling a plumber, and now we're looking at about $700 on top of the $380 we already spent!  We have no water in our house right now either.  We are already a month behind in our mortgage and barely getting by every month and now this!  I have snow tires, but can't even afford to put them on my car and we're expecting snow this weekend and I have a nearly 50 mile commute round trip to work each day!  Not to mention, I can't even put gas in my car to get to work now. 

My parents don't have much, and I'm sure they would help if they could, but jeez, my mom just got over breast cancer and I'm 31 years old!  I shouldn't have to run to them whenever we get in a bind!  I could ask my grandparents, but if my parents ever found out they'd never forgive me. 

Not only have I put is in a further financial bind than we were already in, now I've set us back even further on our mortgage, but I've pretty much ruined Christmas too.  I feel so guilty right now.  I let my whole family down and I can't do a thing to fix it.  I can't even get a second job to help out because I'm a high risk pregnancy right now and probably shouldn't even be working as much as I am. 

We don't qualify for any sort of assistance because on paper, we make too much, but we barely make enough to pay our bills or keep food on the table and get my necessary meds.  We're in a dept management program, so we can't have any credit accounts or loans either.  We have no savings either.  I have been so tense on the state of our accounts and it just keeps getting worse and worse. 

I really ruined it for my husband, because he was supposed to go hunting this weekend and now he can't.  He's been waiting for it all year too.  Way to go Erica!  Good job!

[shell81]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 2:28 PM

I am so sorry. I feel for you. I hope things get better soon. HUGS!

[my4pinkroses]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 2:41 PM

I hope things get better... And if its any consolation, I believe we all are having financial difficulties... It just us honest ones that admit it....

[SalBac]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 2:43 PM

I'm sorry for your stress, but I don't know why you take all of the respoonsibility yourself.  You make it sound like you should have known better!  Geez, I'm sure hubby agreed with you to shop for an electric, and he worked on installation... why is this your fault?  And I appreciate your generosity about his hunting trip, but honey, you've had an awful lot on your plate and no breathing room or emotional peace in a long time... sorry he can't go hunting, but you haven't been able to buy maternity clothes or take much needed time off from work!  He's your partner, not your boss or child.  S**t happens.  You deal with it together.  I'm terribly sorry, but I'm more concerned about you beating yourself up for something that's not at all your fault!!!

[yvonne37]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 3:04 PM

I agree with SalBac.. I was about to say the same thing.... why are you so hard on yourself?  you are not the only desition maker in your house.. he is the man! if he didnt agree then you guys would have not done it.. so its not yours or his fault.. its just a bad setback... dont torture yourself like this.. you are doing everything you can and thensome.... you are pregnant, high risk at that, and still working, I read another of your posts and remember he wanted to buy shit for his hunting and you couldnt buy maternity clothes for yourself... you need to stop puting yourself down like this...

Those are material things, they can be fixed, as of you asking your parents for help.... damn, go ahead and do it... you need to stop being proud, just because you are a grown women dosent mean you dont need help, you have to think about your son and the baby coming... they need to have heat and water.. you can always do things on paper with your parents and pay them when you guys are in a better place...

And who gives a rats ass about hunting??!!!  why people have to go killing inocent animals?!! your husband is not single, is not only about him and his pleasures.. its about your kids, so stop feeling bad about that too... its not like he cant do the stupid hunting next year...

Hope things get better for you... sending blessings!

[elwalters77]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 3:11 PM

Thanks girls.  I do want to say though that hunting would put much needed food in our freezer and it wouldn't cost anything.  I'm upset about that too and that he had been looking forward to it and now he's dissappointed.  Ugh.  I'm just so sick of feeling this way about our finances.  I'm really thinking of going to my Grandparents.  Just have to make sure my parents don't find out.  They'd KILL us!  But I know my grandparents are in a better place financially than any of us and they would be more than happy to help if they could.  I just don't want to beg, ya know?  Oh, it's an impossible situation right now.  My emotions are on overload.  I really appreciate all of you listening!  You're great!

(Original Poster)

[Eviesmommy]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 3:49 PM

Sweetie, if put in that situation, I'd probably make the same decisions. And like SalBac said, I'm sure your husband agreed with the decisions. So it's not all your fault. Everything will work out O.K. in the end. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but it all has a way of working out. After breaking my leg and being off with no pay for 2 months, I've leanred this the hard way.

[Sarbear92]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 6:20 PM Okay, normally I'd try to stay neutral and not say anything because I know both of you. However, knowing that he is the one who makes the majority of the financial decisions in your household, it's ridiculous to me that this is somehow all your fault.
Plus, I'm sure he's the one who said "yeah, I can put it in myself", you didn't force him. And didn't he learn his lesson when he tried to deal with the water problem himself last time?
I guess in a way I'm lucky I have a man who's NOT handy with that sort of stuff that he doesn't even try.
Anyway hun, I guess what I'm saying is what everyone else is - it's not all your fault. Yeah, it sucks and now a hard time is even harder but you two need to stop blaming yourselves or each other. You're a family working toward a common goal and things might get worse before they get better in this country so you'll need each other for support.
Try to kiss and make up.
There will be other days he can hunt. And who's to say he would definitely kill anything anyway ;)

[ovmom]

Nov. 14, 2008 at 6:45 PM

Oh Erica..You truly are so hard on yourself and not only do you not deserve it or need it, but neither does the baby in your belly..Stop taking the blame for everything..you always do that. You are such a kind and loving person..recognize that in yourself and focus on the fact that those qualities are what made you go this route to begin with..I love you girl and know it will get better..You deserve only the best and I have total faith that it will come your way..keep your head up!