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Starbucks fights back OR How Starbucks uses brainwashing techniques to trick a coffee hater into ponying up the dough
- Nov 18, 2008 at 1:38 AM
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- Comments (16) Total Views (456) Everyone can see this journal post.
True, it's only been 2 days since I declared war on Starbucks and I swore I'd never go back, but it wasn't my idea. My 17 year old has some medical issues we are ironing out and my heart just ached for her after an appointment today so when she asked to get a Starbucks, I caved. Again.
I rationalized it this way; if she had been a little tyke she would have been offered a sticker or a lollipop after the appointment and I wouldn't have objected, so what's the harm a little four dollar drink for the ride home? After all, she's not boycotting the place. I am. I decided I would just get her a drink, nothing for myself.
She already knew what she wanted, a mocha-mint something-or-other. So I pulled right up to the drive-thru speaker. This should be easy, just order the one little drink for the poor, poor child, let the "BARISTA" pry the four bucks from my fingers and I'm on my way. Just one drink. Easy.
I shouldn't have even looked at the board. Why do I even LOOK? Now that I have conquered my addiction to their salted caramel hot chocolates, I should have been home free. But I had to look.
This time it was the Hot Caramel Apple Cider that reeled me in. At first I was just going to ask what it was. But when the static-muffled drive-thru voice answered, "pshhhhhhhhh cinnamon syrup, psshsshshsssssssssscider, pshhsss caramel...psshshss....ssshhhwhipped cream, pshhssshhhhhh topping."
Before I even knew what I was doing, I was saying "Venti, please."
Who said that?
What is my problem?
I glanced down at my ample lap. Oh, yeah, that would be it. I have no will power, whatsoever. Maybe I should have made my daughter drive. Maybe I should have brought a bottle of water. Maybe I should have learned my lesson when I bought the 35 dollar hot chocolate machine!
As I pulled away from the speaker, my poor, poor, half starved, thin daughter asked if she could get a turkey sandwich. Because she missed her school lunch and because I had a brief vision of a phone call from the school nurse who was brow-beating me about why I let my daughter have so much caffeine on an empty stomach, once again, I caved easily.
"Sure, honey."
At the drive up window, I asked the frightfully perky barista-boy (obviously free espressos are a barista fringe benefit) if we could add a Turkey & Swiss. "Oh, sure," he answered, "Anything else?"
"No!" I thought.
"Egg salad." I said.
What is my PROB-LEM?
I felt as though I now had two medical co-pays, one to my healthcare provider and one to Starbucks after each medical visit.
After forking over 20 bucks and some change, we were on our way. My daughter (who swims two to four hours a day) enjoyed her 1200 calorie lunch. My egg salad sandwich was bland, at best, and the seeds in the multi-whole-grain bread-like sponge kept getting stuck in my teeth. But of course...OF COURSE, I managed to eat it all anyway, every calorie.
And that drink? That delightful, delicious drink was like some kind of freaky magical goddess nectar. You actually feel like you are a shampoo model or a sexy Greek fertility goddess (don't tell my husband) while you drink it. It was that juicy-goodlicious. I may be hooked, yet again.
So, to get even with Starbucks for their dirty tricks and unethical insurance practices and mostly because I am still waging a very personal anti-coffee war with them, I am posting the recipe on the Internet. Take THAT you coffee pimps.
Starbuck's Caramel Apple Cider
Cinnamon syrup- a couple of squirts (sold in the store)
Treetop premium apple juice
Whipped cream
Carmel syrup drizzled on top, serve hot
Drink and pass out from extreme taste-bud pleasure stimulus.
This isn't over yet, you...you...you Coffee Chain, you!
Comments:
Love the coffee-pimps.... hahahahahaha
Now I have to rack my brain all morning to come up with something delightfully wicked, hateful, and yet clever to call the sadists that have made me a slave to my Dr. Pepper.... **wheels turning rapidly (yet clanging like cymbals) in my head...**
as I look down at my own ample lap with my head hanging low I admit that I too order things when I don't really want to just b/c whoever I'm with is ordering something...it's a terrible disease called "fatassitis"
LMAO ... no will power .... those places are like Satans Den ... you can't help yourself, then kick yourself in the head for the rest of the day. It took me a very very long time to control myself ... I am better now ... sorta ... my kids got me going on energy drinks ... getting better about that to ...
Oh hell ... where is my SweetPea and Support Group???
I just love your posts !
BTW .... THANKS A LOT....
All I can think about now is a REAL COFFEE =P
Ok, I confess ... that's not all I can think about but sex it right up there with real coffee ;)
Unethical insurance practices? I've heard they're one of the best employers, and their dental plan is better than the military United Concordia dental coverage. Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?
I'm a Starbucks addict. Actually, coffee... period. Even gas station machine hot-water-and-powdered-crap-mix "coffeee."
LOL "Unethical insurance practices" was a joke, meaning that everytime I take my child to the doctor, she talks me into stopping at Starbucks where I spend $8 to $20, kind of like giving me a second (medical) co-pay. I actually call it my Starbucks co-pay. But I guess I didn't explain that very well in the rant.
I really have no info on their benefits and I am just teasing. I actually love that place. I just hate the I have no will power to avoid them, no matter how hard I try. All in fun. Alll in fun.
When we lived in Oklahoma I swore I would never pay four dollars for a COFFEE! I thought that was ridiculous. Then when we got to Washington a Pastor bought us a Carmel Macchiatto with an extra shot of vanilla every morning for three days. Well, my husband and I got hooked. It's been just three months in Washington and my kids recognize a Starbucks from the highway, like it's the holy grail or something. And then, of course, cries for hot chocolate resound throughout the van! But man, that cider sounds delicious. I'll have to get one tomorrow.....
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love your post. I don't have a starbucks near but we have something similar.that I visit once or twice a year..
- karriewren
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