When my baby was born, none of my family came to visit. After begging my mom, she showed up a month later. Only her. Not my dad or my brother or my sister. Then we told them our plan was to go to my grandmother's house for Christmas, which was where we had met up with them last year, but I told them my SO had already requested that we spend the New Year with his family. Well, I got an e-mail back from them saying that they had decided to spend Christmas at home and go to my grandmother's for the New Year. I wrote them back saying we were going to stick with our original plans, and I got this in return "Sad we won't get to see you or Rosalie because you aren't willing to visit Houston a couple of days later." No, what's sad is that they couldn't come visit me or my baby when she was born, even though she was born in the summer (and I should add they were only a few hours away when I went into early labor and they never stopped by to see how I was). What's sad is that they haven't been able to visit for the past 3 1/2 months she's been alive. What's sad is they expect me to change our whole schedule for them. I'm really beginning to think they don't even want to meet her. I know they consider me a huge failure because I'm not married. They didn't even talk to me for a while when they found out I was pregnant. Everyone said things would change once she was born. Then they said things would change once they had seen her. Well, nothing has changed. You'd think they'd want to see their granddaughter and niece. My brother and sister still live at home, but they haven't ever asked about her, and they've never shown any interest in meeting her. And I think my parents had something to do with that. My mother has blatantly told me that she told my sister I was a sinner and she wasn't to look up to me, and she's also told me that she never tells anyone about me or my daughter (they moved the same summer I left home).

So I emailed my grandmother asking her if we could come visit her for Christmas. We really wanted to be there for her since her dad died this year. I told her I knew my parents were coming later but we had decided not to change our plans. I also shared with her some of my frustrations about my parents, because she wasn't married when she got pregnant with my mom, and I was hoping she could help me through it. Well, she emailed me back saying that my parents have every right to treat me how they do, and that she doesn't tell anyone about me or my daughter, either. She also told me that she thinks we're horrible parents because my SO hasn't been able to find a job. She ended the email by saying if we came to her house for Christmas we'd have to stay in separate rooms.

We decided not to go. In fact, after this Christmas I'm not planning on ever communicating with any of them again.

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Comments:

bubbl...
Nov. 19, 2008 at 1:30 AM

There is no law that says because they are your family you have to love or like them. I'm sorry that you're going through this, sometimes family is the ones that hurt us the most. Just remember that you're starting a future with your child and with your SO you do not need them to be there to cast negativity on your life or show your child how to be negative.

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glitt...
Nov. 19, 2008 at 1:39 AM

How heartless!!! I want to bitch slap them for you!!! If I was you I would see if I had any friends that can't visit their families and have a get together with them.  Not everyone is married when they concieve and not every marriage stays together because they did get married before... that is just lame!!! I am sorry for you hun!!! BIG HUGS!!!hugs

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Dalma...
Nov. 19, 2008 at 3:10 AM

It's ridiculous how judgemental some families/parents can be. I never told my parents I was bi, because I was scared since the family has always been Catholic on my mom's side. Then of course, my SO is athiest, so obviously I'd never tell them that [ granted I no longer have parents, one of which passed away years ago ]. I'm not married yet, granted we specifically have to wait due to certain government laws in Australia. If we had jumped straight into marriage, I may never be able to get into the country and see my wonderful SO again. But I bet you anything some people will still get on my case for not being married before my baby was born. Oh well, to each their own. As long as you and your SO are happy, and healthy, and so is your LO, then nothing else matters. If your family chooses to stay blatant assholes, then it's their loss. Including your siblings if they choose to follow under their parents view instead of making choices for themselves. I have no blood family, but I sure as hell have family back in australia, which are really all just close friends, but that's still family to me :D Hopefully you'll have something like that too. Happy Holidays to you and yours

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mommy6xs
Nov. 19, 2008 at 11:25 PM

I am sorry you are going through this during the holidays.  Family is family no matter what in my book.  THEY are WRONG for treating you like this.  Be happy with your own personal family.  Live better, I mean that not by money or "things" but your life.  That is what I am having to do, only I am doing it because my DH is doing things he shouldn't be.  And now he is wondering what I am up to.  If you ever need to just vent, vent it my way, I will listen.

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count...
Nov. 20, 2008 at 1:55 AM

Dear, family sucks. We have talked about this before. Just let them do what they want, one day they will realized what they missed out on and want it back, then it is up to you to decide if to let them back in your life. I just decided a few days ago that my bio-dad can kiss my a**, if he wants to be apart of his grandchild's life, then he will have to call or come around, I am sick of trying to contact him. All my other family has called me more since out lil guy was born, which makes me happy, but still the some of them refuse to be apart of our lives, and I am sick of trying to be apart of theirs. It is their loss and they will never have the memory of seeing my lil guy when he was just 8 lbs. and in his little incubator thing, along with anything else, like his first birthday. Hang in there girl, I am still here if you need me. I am on Myspace more often than Cafemom, so if it is urgent email me there. **hugs**

good luck

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Kaliemx3
Dec. 23, 2008 at 6:39 AM

Life is too short to live with regrets. Thier loss because this moment in time will never return for them to re-do thier bull headed-ness and just get over themselves and enjoy your grandaughter. I am Christian and my side of my family is Catholic and if it is what God wants they are basing this off of. Well the bible is clear that we are not to judge, but to love and your family is missing that part. What can I say? I am sure that with time and communication they may be better but I would just be happy with your little family you created and realize that is your family now and let them approach. Apologies are in order for how they treat you ..(((Hugs!)))) I know it still stings tho =(

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Night...
Dec. 23, 2008 at 7:06 AM

Thank you all. They've decided since we aren't going to them, they're coming to us. That was a huge relief to me. It showed that, at least somewhere deep inside, they do care. It broke my heart when they told me my little sister cried when they told her we weren't going to Houston. My little sister was like my 1st daughter to me. I'm still not going to be seeing my grandmother, but she did ask for Christmas ideas. I'm really not sure how the visit will go. They're furious that my SO hasn't been able to get a job, and they talk to him about it every chance they get. I told my SO just to make sure he's never alone with them while they're here.

Haha you ladies want to here a story from last year? My parents wanted to visit with us last Christmas so they bought - get this - a bus ticket for me to visit them in Alabama (they moved there to be with my grandparents, but unfortunately my grandfather didn't make it - he passed away about a month before they moved). Yeah I went on like a 12 hour bus pregnant. And I have acid reflux. I was sooo sick. I vomited twice on that trip... so anyways we stayed there for several days, and while we were there my SO got on my laptop in my sister's room (better connection there). I was staying in my sister's room (and my SO in my brothers room - my parents wanted to make sure my SO and I were never alone together) and I came out of the shower to her room to dry off and change. My SO's back was to me and he wasn't paying any attention to me. I had the towel completely wrapped around me and nobody could see anything. I was brushing my hair. Well, I thought I saw the door open a crack, so I moved to the bathroom. Sure enough, there was a knock on the door. It was my mother. She'd been spying on us. Not only did she chew me out, she sent my dad to chew my SO out! I was so upset about that!

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