Subject: FW: Quickies

[Secretivme]

Pretty good - too bad so many are true!
 

Quickies

I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
Beep. If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes."


~~~~~

Aspire to inspire before you expire.
~~~~~
( I LOVE THIS ONE! )
My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to us e mine.
~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
~~~~~

The irony of life is that, by the time
You're old enough to know your way
Around, you're not going anywhere.

~~~~~

God made man before woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer for her first question.

~~~~~


I was always taught to respect my elders,
But it keeps getting harder to find one.

~~~~~

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

~~~~~

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides,
flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to
another,
and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure
this
is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

~~~~~

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!"

*******************************************

A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother."
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER."

****************************************

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress.

***********************************

Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies, "No, It means, "With Idiot For Ever" !"

*****************************************

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
and Panic is when both are pregnant.

****************************************

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted ,
dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.

*********************************************************

A women asks man who is traveling with six children,
"Are all these kids yours?"
The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these
are customer complaints".

*********************************************************

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident
and
confidential?"

Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that.
Your friend over there, is also my son, that's
confidential."

*********************************************************

Nominated as the best short joke this year...

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles
while taking a bath.
"Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.

[kanake]

Nov. 21, 2008 at 10:39 PM

Boy, Those are some good ones. The Jay Leno would be funny too, if it weren`t so true.