Heaven and Hell

[MumFerg]

The days are crisp and the leaves are gone.  And has each day crawls towards December it reminds me of a day,  I saw a little bit of Heaven and Hell on Earth. 

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I slipped in my husband vehicle as he picked me up from work for my second ultrasound at 22 weeks.  It was his first appointment he would be in attendance.  My bladder was full and I was uncomfortable, what pregnant woman is not, when you are forced to drink extra water.  I wiggled in my seat as we drove. 

As we drove, he got a call from his professor, an Assistant Fire Chief, informing my husband that he would be retiring.  But he wanted to advise, Lowell that there was a EMT course starting that night and it  would greatly increase his odds at gaining employment as a fire fighter. 

As we walked into the office, I realized, my bladder was at its limits.  I asked the pregnant secretary if I could use the restroom 'just a little bit'.  She most likely not informed that I am an overachiever replied no.  We waited patiently because they sneaked in a patient before my appointment.  I keep telling myself that person, needed the ultrasound, so I had to be patient.  But as the minutes ticked, I was no longer able to sit.  I stood in the corner rocking the pain away, I started to sweat, and joke around. I had to go. 

Lowell went to the receptionist and said, " Ma'am, my wife needs to use the restroom, otherwise, I think she might do something she regrets." Just as I was waiting to get denied again, the ultrasound doctor swooped in, "Oh my goodness, I am so sorry, I can take you now." 

I blopped myself down and ignored the pain, because I had been waiting for this moment since I was holding the pregnancy test in my hands.  The chance to glimpse at a blurry image of my future.  She gelled me up, and informed me that my bladder was too full to get any imagine.  I was to go to the restroom and empty my bladder half way. 

At this point, I was picturing my bladder as a measure cup and what would be half full.  I went, I went a lot.  But was relieved I had the capacity to stop.  At this point, i realized how sweaty I was by my armpits, shirt, and even my pants.  I jumped back in the room and got gelled up again.  Nope, not empty enough.  I was now given complete permission to empty my  bladder.  Ahhhhhh!

The image was a little hiccuping, sleeping baby.  Ultrasounds are like staring up into heaven and using your imagination to make shapes out of clouds. It was just a glimpse of what our future was would be.

"Fetus Navidad" - Evelyn Patricia - December 5th 2007

We wondered on to the other side of the office to the OB.  Still gleeful and infatuated with the images.  The office seemed disrupted and unsettled.  I noticed a television was on in a corner with staff.  But I was so wrapped in love, I didn't perceive the fear.

As the nurse, weighed me she informed us there was a shooting at a mall.  No details but gunman is on the loose.  Still full of joy, my husband and I were optismistic no one was seriously injured as we waited for the doctor.  As we listened to the heartbeat, my husband asked, "Is that the heartbeat? Because that sounds like something out of a cheaply made Sci-Fi movie?"  And people wonder why I don't take him to more appointments.  He joked that the heart sounds like a little football player, as I giggled at his ignorance of only being capable of producing one type of sex. 

We headed out to our world.  We had to rush off, now with one car to his first class for an hour, only to be cut short to try and obtain acceptance at local community college in the EMT program across town.  '

But as we got in the car, the truth of the shooting poured through the radio.  As we sat watching our piece of heaven, not far, in fact we drove by the mall on our way to our appointment, a piece of hell was brought to Earth.  Details were fuzzy and numbers were undetermined, but people were seriously injured, if not, killed. 

My transfer of emotions was harsh.  And for the first time in my life, I couldn't listen to the news.  It was literally too much for me to comprehend, someones ability to choose to take innocence lives.  As the day ended, we learned eight people died and 4 seriously injured, and the shooter killed himself.   Details poured in about the scene, the people, the shooter, it was a lot for a town like Omaha to take in.  We were all connected, we had all been to that mall.  Myself six days prior in the same store.  We were devastated and horrified by evil. 

Now, we can sit back and say this man was a youth and the state failed him.  But the truth is, today our vision is blurred by acceptance and trying to avoid judgement, however this shooter choose the work of the devil.  If this wasn't an evil act, than what is?  We take the example of Fred Wilson, a victim who only saving grace was he fell on his wound and applied pressure to it, he forgave the shooter. 

Since that moment, my husband is a certified concealed weapons citizen.  I pray often that I can see evil, I would defend against it or 'defend us in battle". My husband see the world in black and white.  He is my protector and I trust he would defend against evil. Many judge him for his harsh statements, but the truth is, he see the world as good or bad. And perhaps that is why he loves comics so much, there is no gray, there is only the good guy and the bad guy.

In this world, life and death is what makes it go round. It is what we learn from life and death that makes us.

*   *   *

Please pray for the victims families this year and for the shooters family as well. 

[aaflyin4alivin]

Nov. 22, 2008 at 10:29 AM

I to am from Omaha also...that was just awful what happened at Von Maur...I won't forget that day.  My dh also has a permit to carry a concealed weapon...sad that it has gotten to that huh?

[MumFerg]

Nov. 22, 2008 at 10:43 AM

I know, ever since that day, I cannot imagine him without his weapon!  We live in the Dundee area, and the recent shootings only make me justify it more! 

(Original Poster)

[muensters_ma]

Nov. 22, 2008 at 4:34 PM

i love reading your journal posts, you should quit your jobs and become at stay at home mom/ author. that is so sad to experience such happiness and sadness all in the same day.