ok may be selfish

[mommything03]

this may see selfish.  but yeah...... in march of 02 my sister (half sister(blood)) had her little angel at 24.5 weeks due to an incomp. cervix, she lived for 24 days before she got so sick that she passed.  well i know that it is hard for her to see others having to deal with this..... but to get to the story... in feb we lost our son at 16 weeks.  15.3 he was fine and everything was normal.  at 16.3 they could not find his heart beat. by 16.5 we went in to "just see" if it was true (we didn't want to believe that it was) well we knew that the baby was gone.  he had shrunk in size instead of being at 15.3 or 16.3 the baby was at 13.4.  so we knew that it was true.  so we decided that we were going to try to do it as natural as we could.  my sister told me that she would be there for me.  well when the time came she backed out, and i can understand that, and at the time i was not mad at her.  (getting to the point here soon promise) she helped me out a lot in the first month.  but then when i really needed to talk to someone besides the people i had at home. but when i tried to talk to her and my step mother(who also lost a baby the previous sept (07) and we found out in dec we were expecting) i was told that i needed to get over it and the only way that i could was to leave him be and to basicaly forget about him.  i have not stopped talking about my son and i know that i never will.  but i have stopped talking to them about him at their request.  but what has got me is not even 9 months after we lost our son, her "sister"(not blood, but has known for 20 years,) (known her for 26) had to have an emergency c-section at 22 week due to complications. well needless to say that she was there for her friends in the hospital, but was not there for me (as far as i can see)  she has told them that she will always be there for them day or night, but when i needed her i had to call during 8-5 and basicaly make an appt to see her, but she will take off a week or more from work just to be there for the other person.  i am sorry if that seems to be selfish. but i am hurt at the lack of concistany she shows people. one she will show half a$$ suport and the other she shows all suport.  i don't know what to think any more about her.  i have not told any of my "blood" family that we are expecting again.  because i know what they will think.  we also have not told the in-laws either because of what one of them said to my SIL " they are selfish and are just kids them selfs, what makes them think that they can bring another into the world when they have a hard time taking care of the one they have now"  read from an email that MIL sent to SIL.  but blood will just say "don't, that is inconciderate of you to tell us this when you know that (sister is having hard time conciving another and has waited 6+ years for another child) it is hard on us.  why would you do this to us.  you are not ready for another one.  you have to many problems with the one you have.  take a look at your life and see what you are going to be doing. doing to your family.. "   well i know that we both (hubby and i) want another baby, we both see what we have and what we know that we can share with the baby.  are friends are having them and we know that we will be the parents that we can be.  but we do not have the suport of the ones we love.  but our non-blood family we have all the suport that we could ever need.  my adopted mother, who lost a baby 29 years ago, told me that you never forget, you get threw and that is what we have done. when we told the my "fam" they were like "its about time woman" and "congrats, we there for you no matter what"  and they will listen to me when i need to talk and they don't judge me, they let me talk all i want and need to about my son.  so if this makes me selfish to think that my sister is being unfair in how she deals with things then so be it.  she wrote a blog about her "fam" and what they are going through, but she did not even mention anything about me or what our family had to deal with.  i don't know. i guess i just had to write to *itch. 

[termit2001]

Nov. 23, 2008 at 6:08 PM

let me thing about what you wrote and i will reply srry very tired and sore right now and congratz on

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[aav1125]

Nov. 23, 2008 at 8:52 PM

I find it a little rude how your sister has acted. I know how you feel.....We lost our baby at 11 weeks back in May. I have never forgotten about that baby and never will. We had been trying since to get pregnant again, and we found out in Sept that we were pregnat, when we told his mom, all she could say was "huh, thats our anniversary (referring to the due date)" She later told my husband, when you BOTH showed up, I knew you were coming to tell us bad news. I know its hard to do, but you have lots of people on here, who obviously will be more excited for you than your family. Over the years I have learned to not stress about what they think, and worry about me and my family that I have........Congrats and Good Luck!!!