I guess I m just done

[ExpectingEbani]

 

Now that we have decided to part, my heart hurts even more. This morning, it hit me hard. It hit me even harder when I found the list of apts on the coffee table. What will our daughter think of us? Will she be loved just as much? THe reasons I cant be with you are plain and clear. Everytime I ask you to do something, istead of saying no, you say yes, but neglect to do it. You purposly ignore me when I ask for help and you are playing video games or watching cartoons. You NEVER keep your word. There is no itimacy in our relationship, I feel all alone. You call me crazy and say i do 180's with my attitude for no reason. Its not for no reason, you drive me to the edge.

I am scared. I dont know where to start on my  own. I dont know what to do. I dont want to live with my brother, yet I cant afford to be on my own. You say your going to watch Ebani when I am in school and every other weekend, but how do I let my 4 month old baby go away with you at night and you cant even wake up with her here? I cant. You talk about taking our daughter to Chicago to see your family, but your not taking her alone. You say I can go with, and I will, but just so you know I am uncomfortable there.

You call me lazy and if for just one day you could walk in my shoes... you would knw the real truth. You think i have it so easy because I work from home. Reality check, now I am doing two jobs. Now I work and take care of our daughter.  Do you know how hard it is? no because you are in an office with no other worries but getting your work done.

Its killing me knowing we are going to be apart, but i do think its best for both of us and our daughter. We dont get along, and our daughter will not witness fighting everyday.

[anotherandree]

Nov. 26, 2008 at 12:42 PM

I'm so sorry.

[Momma114]

Nov. 26, 2008 at 12:54 PM

i remember when my daughter's father and i first decided to split up. we were married and i thought things were going fine. but because he had a lot of single friends that were filling his head with all kinds of things. then he just turned on me. stopped coming home. stop calling me to check up on me and this was while i was at work. it was like we were strangers forced to live in the same house. and it hurt so bad that i thought i would never get over it. i was afraid that i wouldn't be able to raise my daughter on my own, that i wouldn't be able to finish school and that i would just be able to do nothing.

i watched him move on like what we had never existed. i watched him bring other children into the world, without the sloghtest regard to my feelings. i listened to him tell me that i was lazy and useless and a nagger and that he wasn't happy and i was so wrapped up in his unhappiness that i forgot to pretend to be happy. and i was able to see for the first time the shell of a woman i had become. i was going to be a mother and i refused to bring a baby into a world to be raised by a depressed, almost comatose woman. so i prayed to Jehovah constantly and i tied up my boot straps and did what i had to do. we are divorced now and i have never been happier. but it did take a while for me to get strong again but now that i am, there's no turning back.

i hope much success for you and if there is ever anything i can do for you, send me a message and we can talk.

[thundersgirl]

Nov. 26, 2008 at 1:00 PM

Im sorry if you need to talk feel free to message me. I kinda know what your going though Haleys daddy and i arnt together either

[momma2zac2006]

Nov. 26, 2008 at 4:09 PM

I am so sorry to hear this. It will be ok though. There are a lot of people out here thtat can help. Besides if that is how he is to you then maybe that is the best thing for your daughter. Becuase she has to be your number 1. My sons father left while I was pregnant with him so I had to do the whole single mother from day 1 but I won't lie it is hard sometimes, especially when you are sick or don't feel good, but it can be done and in the end you will be a stronger more independent person.

Just let him live his own life after this. Don't go crazy and call a million times and get jealous and stuff when he brings a girl around your daughter because your daughter doesn't need to be in a situation like that. I would slowly let him be alone with her though not this while your in school then every other weekend stuff. Because if he did not care for her always then he might not know how to take on caring for her on his own and everything. You can always sign up for free daycare or see if a family member could watch her.