He's gone and not coming back what now....?

[bubblycute]

Some things in life happen and there is no rhyme or reason as to why. There is no way to grasp the reality of the situation no matter how real it is. There is no changing it no matter how much you wish you could. I still want to... I still want to end this grieving and stop the tears from forming because I can't let them fall down my cheeks. I can't believe that someone I once intimately shared my life with is now missing and gone. I can't go back and say good bye or take back the last conversation we ever had. My ending sentence " I'll call you back" and now never being able to get around to calling him back.

Discovering that my ex husband has passed away floored me like nothing ever has. I've lost loved ones in the past I've lost dear friends in the past, but his death is one that has had the most impact on me. Death is defined as the act of dying and the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism.  I can't believe he isn't going to call me up to tell me he still loves me and thinks about me. I can't believe that now I can't call him and tell him I'm thinking about him right now . That over the last week since learning the news I haven't stopped thinking about him. That at night once everyone is in bed I can't stop the tears from fallng because now that he is gone it won't stop hurting from the pain of realizing he's passed on.

Life is so crude the way it comes and goes, life is so painful for those of us left behind. I miss him because he was a great guy, despite our issues he was a great guy who can now not aspire to those dreams he had. I remember when we first met I was 18 he was 21 he had this dream of going out for American Idol and he could of done it ... he used to sing along to Craig David , in fact he introduced me to his music. He was there to pick me up when I'd fall apart because some minor crisis in my life. He was there to make us laugh and be a friend and the support system that we all needed when there was no one else.

I can't believe he's gone, I can't believe that it's not going to be a bad dream, I can't believe that I've lost a friend and someone who meant so much.

[1-2caf]

Nov. 26, 2008 at 1:40 PM

I am So sorry for your loss, bubbly.  Just grieve through it; plow on.  Live one day at a time, and thank the good Lord for the good times.  I've lost a father, grandmother, several aunts & uncles, a mother (who is living, but the same as dead), a 27 yr. old friend in the prime of his life, a 49 yr. old brother-in-law, a mother in law.  I guarentee you can live through these losses, be a better person for the pain, and live & laugh another day!  &:->

[beautydisaster]

Dec. 2, 2008 at 3:04 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, no words could ever offer the comfort you will need to get through the days but I hope just knowing that some one cares will . I'm sure he knows how much you cared for him and he showed you how much he cared for you even through the issues that made life difficult that message was clear by what you have written about  him. Take each day one step at a time, there is no time table for grief. Visit places you used to go together, listen to songs you both loved and cry. Grief is not something we should rush through but society has taught us to avoid that which is uncomfortable. By feeling the depths of grief you can completely heal, covering it up doesn't mean the wounds aren't still there. I will keep you in my prayers and know that he will always be with you even though you can not see him , you can feel him. May God hold you in your time of grief for He to will never leave you.

[bubblycute]

Dec. 2, 2008 at 4:04 PM

Thank you both for your support, I'm trying each day to get through and accept his passing. I hope that in time I can look back at him without wanting to cry but with a smile and the fondness that made us friends then husband and wife then friends again after the divorce.

(Original Poster)