quote: Adopteeme....I see many posts from you here, and you are always against adoption

Yes, maam, I am pro-family (when there has not been abuse/ neglect) but, I am not always against adoption.  I know that adoption is necessary for children in foster care and true orphans (no living mother.father or extended family to care for them) I have never spoken out against this kind of adoption.

"I" want Mothers considering the surrender of their infants to voluntary adoption to at least hear what NO ONE ever bothered to tell my Mother. If I could go back- it would be, imho, the Right thing to do (for both her and I and OUR well being)  in giving my Mother the knowledge of the possible risks and consequences of adoption ~ before she made such an important, life long and life altering decision.

 

No one told her that (for her) it would never be possible to "get over" being a Mother without her child......she had mothering instincts and feelings about me- even tho they told her she'd eventually move on. Asking a Mother to NOT be a Mother is like asking her to not sleep, or breathe or eat. 
  She was never given the other side of the story, about the grief and regret she would suffer.

No one told her that adoptive parents (are) human, and that it IS possible for them to "fall" to sin, crime, addictions, illness, death, divorce, single parenthood, abusive behavior , financial ruin, ect ect. They led her to believe (hook-line and sinker) that I WOULD have a better life ~ without her.


She was never given the possibility of the other side of the story, that I went to an adoptive home where there was abuse, and where my adoption had the expectation of 'curing' my ap's infertility. My ap's wanted and needed a child of "their own".  I never fit that bill.  My ap's were also let down and (even deceived) by not hearing the other side of the story.

No one told her what it may feel like to be an adoptee......growing up in a household of genetic strangers, with no one that looks or acts like I did.....no one told her that I WOULD miss her, or that I suffered not knowing (my medical background, ethnic identity, family traditions, customs, and kinship to my siblings and extended family) no one told her that I would hold her significance in my life HIGHER than just "someone" who gave birth to me. No one told her that just maybe...I would NEVER be thrilled that she WASN'T there for me....No one told her that I'd grow to have self-esteem issues, because if my own Mother didn't love me.....who else could love me?

I could go on and on......

But I won't.

Many here feel I am bitter.  By definition, bitter is a reaction to extreme pain.  They are right.  I have experienced extreme pain.  So have BOTH sets of my parents.  My adoption did NOT achieve anything that (they) promised- for any of us. (they) the agency, and social workers- painted a picture that my adoption would be THE perfect cure to both my Mothers problems and a solution for each of them. I seriously doubt that they ever had my best interest in mind, by lying to my Mothers by reason of obmission and NOT informing them both of the possibility of the bad things in adoption.

I don't want another living soul to endure what WE have without the knowledge that it COULD go down this way.  That way, they can better assess individually,  the good of going thru an adoption to be in the best interest of the child,  to outweigh the risks and consequences. 

 


 

Add A Comment

Comments:

South...
Dec. 3, 2008 at 2:48 PM

Thank you for this.....I get that anti-adoption label thrown at me sometimes too.  I am only against unnecessary and unethical adoptions....not foster care adoptions, etc.

Message Friend Invite

Found...
Dec. 3, 2008 at 2:48 PM

clappingWell said!  & Thank you for speaking out.

Message Friend Invite

oneth...
Dec. 13, 2008 at 10:49 AM

No one told me either. I believed all the myths. Keep spreading the truth.

Message Friend Invite

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in