Grieving Moms - This Journal Is Dedicated To You...

[greeneyes42055]

Luke 2:12
And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

As we celebrate the birth of Jesus this Christmas, families will be spending time together and enjoying the Holidays.  There are many Moms right here on Cafe Mom who have experienced the loss of a son or daughter.  This is a very difficult time for them.  I know, because I am one of those Moms and in hopes to help another Mom, I would like to share my story with you as we are approaching this very special Christmas. 

(This was one of my first journals on cafe mom)

In Memory of My Jonathan 6-14-84 to 3-19-02

 I Love You and Miss You Very Much!

Hi and please note that my message is in green because that was my son's favorite color and his eyes were green.  It is my favorite color and I also have green eyes.

I would like to take a minute and share my story about what happened to my son.  Jonathan who was 17 and my son Brandon who was 24 and a friend named Jon went out very late one night.  My son Jonathan was driving.  Jonathan had driven them where they were going.  Jonathan and Brandon had gotten out of the car for a little while leaving Jon in the car.  Jon ended up in the driver's side listening to music.  When Jonathan and Brandon came back to the car, he told them to get in indicating that he was going to drive.  My son Jonathan climbed in the passenger side, buckled his seat belt and Brandon climbed in the back seat, but didn't buckle his seat belt.  They were on the way home and Jon had been drinking and his alcohol level was pretty high.  Brandon had been drinking and from what I understood, Jonathan hadn't been.  That was why he was driving in the beginning.  They were traveling on a road where it was getting ready to end and you had to turn left or right.  You couldn't go straight.  So, he thought he was putting on the brakes and he hit the gas.  They kept going straight across the Highway, luckily nothing was coming, and they hit a ditch and Jon turned the car just enough to keep him from hitting a huge Oak tree in someone's front yard.  But, he didn't turn the car enough to keep Jonathan from being slammed into the tree.  Jonathan was killed almost instantly.  The car caught on fire and the fire had to be put out before they could cut him out of the car.  He had already passed away when they got him out.  It is hard for me to talk about this.  I can't imagine my little baby being in a situation like this without his Mother there to help him.  He had no one to help him but God.  God showed me one night that Jonathan did not hit that tree.  Only his body did.  He showed me and reassured me that Jonathan was on his way to the tree and when the car hit the tree Jonathan was in an ejected position and his spirit and soul went straight to Jesus and his body hit the tree.  Then he gave me a song on my keyboard about Jonathan and the tree.  The song is on my Journal Post if you would like to hear it.  My son Justin did the music effects and I play the keyboard.  The Journal Post is called "Jonathan's Song". (I am sorry but I decided to have this song kept private for my friends only, for personal reasons).  I miss my son, but one day I will see him again.  If I didn't know Jesus and I didn't have that hope, I would be crazy right now.  That is why I started my group on cafe mom "Grieving Christian Moms Who Care And Share".  I want to reach out to hurting Mom's and help them to know and understand that the only way that a Mother's heart can be healed is Jesus.  Brandon wasn't hurt.  Jon wasn't hurt either.  For about 7 months I wanted to strangle Jon.  If I had seen him before I finally did, there is no telling what I would have done.  But, over a period of 7 months God worked on my heart.  I went to a church service one night at my church.  We had a visiting pastor not from our area.  He just out of the clear blue said there was someone in the service that was dealing with a forgiveness issue and in order to go on and be where they needed to be in the Lord they needed to forgive that person.  I knew it was me.  So, in my heart I forgave Jon.  Then shortly after that Jon came over to see me before he went to prison.  He hugged me and we cried.  He told me he was sorry.  We were ok.  And the sentence he got was only 8 years as opposed to 11 or 15.  His lawyer asked me if I would suggest 8 years instead of the minimum or maximum.  After talking to my daughter who is a very strong Christian, I agreed to the 8 years.  What I want you to get out of this tragic story about my son is this, let God heal your heart if you have lost a child or loved one.  If there is a forgiveness issue, let it go, forgive that person.  You have to do it for you.  It is like Susan St. James (an actress) said about her situation in losing her son.  Someone asked her if she was mad at God.  She replied, "Why?"  "That is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die".  You only hurt yourself.  You are the one that will die if you don't give all of it to God.  Won't you give him your heart today?  The new year is coming and my motto is "It is not too late in 2008".  God Bless You!   Your friend, Karen 

 It hurts to look at this picture.  He was having so much fun with his friends on a church ski trip.  Jonathan is the one in the white T-shirt.  He was my baby and I loved him so much.  This is one of my favorite pictures of him.  Love you Jonathan, Momma

If you would like to share your story with others and meet other Moms who have experienced the loss of a child, you are more than welcome to join my group...it helps to have the support of others who have been there.  All of us in "Grieving Christian Moms Who Care And Share" have lost a child and we know what it is like to have a broken heart.  But...Jesus heals broken hearts and he wants to heal your heart and help you to live a healthy life. 

http://www.cafemom.com/group/greeneyesgroup

Thank you so much for allowing me to share my story with you.  I pray that you will have a very Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year and I pray that you will experience the Love, Joy and Peace of Jesus this Christmas Holiday.

My heart goes out to all of you Moms who have experienced the loss of a child.  I would like to share my favorite verse with you if I may "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted; And saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18.  If you would like for me to pray for you, please reply and share whatever is on your heart.

Love and Blessings,
Greeneyes 

  

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

[babycakes254]

Dec. 5, 2008 at 4:10 AM

I'm so sorry for you losing your son. We lost a baby girl in 06...the pain never goes away.

[godzgirl21]

Dec. 5, 2008 at 7:05 AM

I'm so sorry about your tragic loss and can't ever begin to imagine what you must be going through and hope I never do. Your story is so sad and tragic, yet so full of love, hope and forgiveness. As I read your journal I couldn't help but cry. God is so gracious and loving to have showed you what happened to your son to give you the hope and peace to know that he's with The Lord right now.  I also believe with all my heart that our loved ones who have gone to be with The Lord watch over us and pray for us. I don't know you, but I am a sister in The Lord and love your heart that's filled with do much love, compassion and forgiveness as you reach out to all those moms out there who have lost a child as your personal story touches many hearts for God. God bless you!

[RettsMom]

Dec. 5, 2008 at 7:28 AM

What a powerful journal post.  Thank you so much for your willingness to share your pain so that others may find their strength in the Lord, as you have.  I know as Jonathan smiles down upon you, so does our Lord!

[2kjnbabiez]

Dec. 5, 2008 at 9:07 AM

I am sorry for all you have been through. Christmas Day Marks the first and last time I ever felt my unborn child move.

[dhhaj]

Dec. 5, 2008 at 9:18 AM

I am sorry for your loss. Your family is in my prayers.

[mama2mycuties]

Dec. 5, 2008 at 9:32 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss....my husband and I lost a daughter in 2007.....she was 9 days old and had 3 open heart surgeries.....i was angry for a very long time, especially when we found out that her death was because of mistakes made in the operating room.......but after a while i decided to make peace with it....i have my days of course but i cant live my life in anger and i know that when i finally arrive in Heaven someday i'll be reunited with my daughter and none of the questions or hurt will matter anymore....

i dont know if you've already heard it but there is a song called "Held" by christian artist Natalie Grant...it always helps me during my very dark days to play and sing it at the top of my lungs.

God Bless You and Merry Christmas!

[Tina1007]

Dec. 5, 2008 at 9:33 AM

I am so sorry for you loss, we lost our baby girl in June, and even though I never met her, I have void in my heart that can never be filled. I can only imagine loosing a child you have watched grow up and then have him taken from you. My prayers are with you this Christmas

[Mom2FourAdults]

Dec. 5, 2008 at 9:45 AM

Thank you, Karen.  What a powerful message you've shared.  May God continue to comfort you and your family.

[greeneyes42055]

Dec. 5, 2008 at 10:00 AM

Thank you all for your wonderful comments.  I am in tears right now as I read all of your replies.  I miss my son so much and I know there are others who are missing their son or daughter and are hurting also.  We have Jesus and we have our faith and that is what gets us through the tough times.

I thank you all with all of my heart!

Have a great weekend and many hugz and blessings!

Your cafe mom friend,
Greeneyes

(Original Poster)

[sweetemotions]

Dec. 5, 2008 at 10:10 AM

This Journal not only brought tears to my eyes for this mother's loss,I too lost a son 7 years ago,and the grief is still unbearable at times. To all mom's who have experienced the loss of a child--I send out my deepest sympathies.....To let you all know I understand what you are going through,and that I as a mother who has lost a child will always be here for you.......