Struggling until the new year

[ladyauthor2b]

I was driving through my neighborhood tonight and noted that some  had decorated for Christmas. How sparkly the lights. They were beautiful.

We may not decorate this year. Money is nowhere and what I get in my paycheck goes all to utilities and loans we had to take out for emergencies recently. I already told my daughter not to expect presents this year , that we'd make it up at income tax refund time... maybe. we'll see. I do have one present for her, but it's one of those things you pick up and hope your kid will like it, not on her wish list.  And I bought it about a month ago.

This is the first time I really feel down about the holiday.  I usually am very otpmistic about Christmas, but not this year. I won't take off for the holiday but work voluntarily. My daughter has minor foot surgery the following week, so I'm saving my time off for that. My family will get together for a Christmas eve brunch, but that's it. Everyone is having hard times.

Too top it off, I haven't been feeling well. My diabetics med ran out the first part of November and I can't afford them. At the new year, I will have my insurance kick in again to make them affordable. I have to wait until then. I'm topped off right now, so if I buy insulin, one or two vials will run me about $200. I don't have the money to pay out of pocket. There are other meds I need, but that has to wait four more weeks. It sucks. I get up each morning and pray I am not dying or have to go to the emergency room, as I can't afford that either. I had selected the cheapest insurance coverage at work and not the best that covers everything. The cheapest covers about 80% and I'm stuck paying the rest.  So I pray nothing bad happens to me or my family to end up in the hospital.

Perhaps in 2010, I can afford the better insurance again.

I'm sure alot of other families are trading apples for oranges, so to speak... anything to keep things stable in thier own household. I am praying for Obama to come through with a stimuls package when he gets to office. I'm already looking for my tax refund, but that's not going to be much, as I have one less kid to claim.

I have even decided to back away from advertising my book. It really didn't amount to anything, all the time and effort I put into it. I offered it for free here, but didn't get any real feedback about what worked or didn't. No one entered the contest I posted. I would have followed through on my commitment if someone had. In 2009, I'm laying low and will not participate as much here. The very few friends I have really made here are appreciated, but I think they will understand my views, and I will still write to them. 

With my health in a delicate balancing act, I have to focus on myself for while, try to get healthier and get some exercise in, and lose more weight. I've had lost over 20 lbs this year alone. Hooray!,but I struggled hard to get there. I currently weigh 196, down from about 222. I have about fifty more to go, at the very least. I'm so determined to get there. If I weigh less, then perhaps I won't need as much medication to keep me going. I pray that's so.

In the meanwhile, I will drive up through the streets to appreciate those who have money for them lights. Maybe next year, I can come back and display my own. One can only pray for endurance and stregnth during these difficult times. I pray for each of you too. So, God bless, merry Christmas, and happy new Year.

[aussiegirl3]

Dec. 6, 2008 at 8:53 PM

I'm sorry you are feeling down.  Hearing that its everywhere and so many are going thru it doesn't usually help, but its true.  All I can say is I'm sending a prayer your way.  I find it helps me to see the things that are good so the negative downward spiral doesn't take over.  Hang in there.