|
"DEAR EDITOR:
We are 22, 17 and 14 years old.
"Our parents say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, "I am broke from that trip to Florida last month."
and Mama says "Aren't you girls getting a little old for visits from Santa?"
Please Mr. Editor, you told that girl named Virginia what she wanted to hear. Can you help us too?
Signed,
Natalie, Elizabeth and Kristen
Well, girls, I could write you a letter filled with all kinds of fancy poetry and illusions and silver cups overflowing with dreams and crap like that, but the truth is, you would probably plagerize the crap out of me and turn it in as an assignment for English class. Then, your teacher would send it off to one of her friends with the heading "Can you believe this girl tried to pass this off as her own work?" and it would go around the internet for years and I would never get credit for it. Do you think I work for free?
No, there is not going to be any fancy answer from me. I'm going to be frank with you.
Your parents have spent what little money that wasn't consumed at the gas pump this past year on fancy coffee and pulled pork sandwiches. So, I hate to tell ya, but not only is there no money left for Christmas presents, there's not any left for college either. Not that it matters, with Natalie being a super senior in Industrial Engineering, she ought to be able to figure something out. And Elizabeth, planning to follow her sister to Purdue next year and major in education, would be wise to get used to living on a teacher's salary now.
Kristen who's in 8th grade is usually overlooked anyway so she's used to it.
Instead of worrying about Santa visiting you with his big jelly belly, perky red nose and giant candy canes to leave in your stockings, maybe you three should put in more hours at your jobs. Natalie, you need to get cracking on that internship. Being a college senior is only "cute" for so long, you know. Elizabeth, since your a lifeguard at the YMCA and we all know it's it's a piece of cake job, 99% of the time, and we know high school seniors pretty much coast, and since swim team ends in January, perhaps you could find something productive to do, like clean your room.
And Kristen, all those swim teams you are on aren't cheap so maybe you could start banking all that babysitting dough you rake in around the neighborhood and save it for a rainy day. Your dad isn't going to work for ever you know. And your mom couldn't even hold a job for one day. Certainly, the burden of supporting those two bums will be falling on you sooner than you can imagine. So perhaps you could also take on a paper route.
In closing, your parents don't believe in fairies, handsome princes, miracles or the Hoosier Lotto. They don't believe in Social Security, The Criminal Justice System or that reality TV is spontaneous and unscripted. But is that reason for you girls to give up on such things as Santa Claus?
Well, honestly, my darlings, you would be better off hoping for a visit from Britney Spears or Paris Hilton or any of those Jonas fellows. And, like it or not, that is the truth.
Merry Christmas.
The Editor
|
I love your stories of "real life"..........so cute. My grandson said just the other day "Theres no santa, thats just some fat man dressed in a stupid red suit........BTW, he is 4.
- gracie1220
Message Friend Invite