legal guardianship v/s adoption

[Mum2Alex]

So yesterday we all went over to our +1's house and tried (key word there) talking with her parents.  She wanted them to accept her and their new granddaughter that was coming and they didnt want anything to do with her, or the new baby or anything.

They DID agree to sign over legal guardianship to us though, with the final word of they didnt want to hear from us EVER again once the paper work was signed, and we are fine with that.  they made it clear that they werent paying any child support or providing any assistance and that she will be dead to them and we are as well.

FINE

we can deal with that.

now after about an hour or so of them attacking her big time over all this, we (meh and her) left, and my husband finished everything.  she still doesnt know that they are signing over rights.  We want to talk to her about it today, yesterday, it was just too much and i wanted to give her some time to herself.

So the paper work was delivered via courier today (at 7 am) and my lawyer just called saying that its done and we are now legally her guardian.

Which is awesome, we are excited, this was something that she did want if her parents were unwilling to accept her back home, and so things are progressing in a good way.

However, the question now is, do we just leave it at that?  Or do we give her the option to let us adopt her.  We know she is older, and its not really worth the time/money to go through the process, BUT at the same time, we want to offer her full security to know that we are her family now.

So what are some of the major differences between the two?

Also, do you think its a good idea to let her choose?  Thanks!

ps: we are going to the lawyer tomorrow to finalize...

[NDesmond]

Dec. 8, 2008 at 12:00 PM

Hmmm.... Well... My first thought says "is it really worth the time and money to go through the legal adoption process when you already have guardianship.." However, knowing that you're accepted and a part of a family can make all the difference in the world to a scared young mother. In any case, here's what I found out:

Guardians: A guardianship is a legal right given to a person to be responsible for the food, health care, housing, and other necessities of a person deemed fully or partially incapable of providing these necessities for himself or herself.

Adoption (according to the government) is: the legal transfer of parental rights from one parent to another, provides children with love, nurturance, and stability and promotes their well-being and their opportunity to become healthy, productive adults.

Here's a site that may help with adoption info, if you want to research it a bit today:

http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/types/domestic/attorney.cfm

 

Good luck Harm!

[SultryLadyBug]

Dec. 8, 2008 at 2:43 PM

I agree with the above poster. Adoption is really sealing the deal....its so much more final and permanent. However if she is fine with the child where it is leave it be. Goodluck hunny!!

[sarahmarie284]

Dec. 8, 2008 at 2:59 PM

Well Harm I'm glad that you at least got guardianship. I would say that if you want to make it permanent and make her feel like you truly love her and want her to be part of your family forever.....def. do the adoption.

[onethentwins]

Dec. 8, 2008 at 4:06 PM

I think it would be lovely if you offered to adopt her. She might be too shy to ask after all you've done for her. I think it would be best if you adopted her then you will never have any problems like visiting her in the hospital or whatever once she's an adult. It also makes you legally grand mother to her child.

A friend of mine just readopted her son that she'd given up for adoption. I think it only cost her a couple of hundred and it was quiet straight forward. I'll ask her to contact you.

BTW I feel so sad for #1. How horrible to be treated so shabbily by the parents that raised you. Poor kid.

[annebeckett]

Dec. 9, 2008 at 8:51 PM

Wow;  yeah, she NEEDS parents.  I still find it so difficult to believe that ANY parents would do what hers (and so many do).  It makes me sick at heart to hear it.  Of course, it also makes me feel so proud to b e YOUR friends, considering what you are doing. 

But, back to the question.  She IS 16.  She is almost an adult and COULD probably go to the court to ask for emancipation...  But, still, she needs you.  I would maybe take it slowly.  I mean, yes, you do have guardianship and all that entails...  Still, when she is older and out on her own, she needs a place to call home (for holidays, etc..).. and, I think that if you WANT to do it, you should.    It CAN be an informal thing or it can be a formal and legal document.  When I think about ALL of the kids who age out of the state programs and never DO get adopted, it makes me so sad.  you don't want her to be there, right?  *yes, the largest number or homeless in this country ARE kids who aged out of the system.  That's screwed up.

Talk to her.  Yet, take it slowly, I'd say.  Live with her for some time and then decide. 

Of course, for her, having a real mom and dad who love her regardless may be exactly what SHE needs now and forever/ 

Its a big one, hon.  I think you will do whatever is best, though!

[annebeckett]

Dec. 9, 2008 at 9:00 PM

OH, by the way; on major difference IS that the guardianship MAY be temporary, meaning that the awful parents may be able to have a change of heart somewhere down the road and take her back. Adoption WOULD be permanent.  they could not change their minds (not legally anyway) and she WOULD be yours.  It's something to consider..

[SuperHumanC]

Dec. 14, 2008 at 12:10 AM

Wow.I wish I could give you & your family huge hugs. What you're doing for this girl is amazing, you're such an awesome family to help her like that. You're gonna be rewarded greatly for this act of such pure kindness.

I agree...ask your +1 if she is OK being adopted by y'all and if she says YES, then I'd do it :)

Good for y'all :)

[crystalsmom686]

Dec. 20, 2008 at 6:15 PM

If she is ok with being adopted then I would do it.  I think that what you and your family is doing is a wonderful thing.  My heart goes out to yall right now.

[anetrnlov]

Dec. 22, 2008 at 7:17 PM

I am always late on everything.  LOL  I don't know anything about all of this but I wanted to say that you, Eric and your whole family are just awesome.  Both her and her daughter are in good hands.

Love you much.

[ArbonneJunkie]

Dec. 27, 2008 at 6:49 PM

Guess I should read all your posts before commenting and asking quesitons!  LMAO  I think it is great that you want to give her the option and that you are willing to pay to legally adopt her even though she will be an adult in just over a year!  Such a wonderful thing to do for her, and a wonderful way to offer her the security that you will always be her family no matter what!