suspended.....again

[smokefan20]

My ds was suspended again today for fighting.  He is 7 years old.  He has been suspended twice in the last 2 years and has had detention 3 times since he started school.  He has never been the one to start the fights, by the school's admission, but he loses his temper if provoked.  Has been like that since he was a toddler, bit anyone that dared to take a toy away from him. His teacher wants him tested for ADHD and medicated.  I do not trust the medications, I believe they cause more problems in most kids than what they cure. So my question is, for those of you out there that have chose not to medicate, what do I do, who do I turn to, how can I figure out what makes him get so angry?  Our family has a history of 2nd children bad behavior.  I am the youngest of 4 girls.  My sister that was the 2nd in line had issues growing up, now all the 2nd children in the family have these same issues.  Only one of my sisters turned to medication, and it really did no good.  We have found that sugar makes things worse for these kids so we limit the sugar he has.  This weekend we had a family game night and let him splurge with some sour gummy worms.  Wammo, he is having a really bad week.  His previous teacher was very accepting of him and worked with him and us.  She gave us updates weekly and let us know immediately if he was having a rough day or week so we could stay on top of his behavior.  His teacher this year, even after repeated requests on our part, does not give us updates.  The first thing I heard of him having difficulty this year was at P/T conferences after 9 weeks.  That day she confronted me with his hyperactivity in class, lack of focus, talkative behavior, with no feedback before or after.  This is what really frustrates me.  Then it just snowballs until something happens like today and I get called at work to come get him because he got into a fight.

I purchased brightspark and focus to try out with him but so far I have been too chicken to give it to him.  I was hoping to try it out over Christmas break and see how he does.  I am so conflicted with what to do.  I am willing to listen to all sides of the debate. Please help.

[mistynights234]

Dec. 9, 2008 at 10:25 PM

I know its hard.......but your son needs to be evaluated by a professional and treated by a professional.  My now 23 year old daughter sounds exactly like your son.  I spent many years trying to say "not my child".  I wont put her on meds.  I can handle this naturally.........Well sometimes that just doesnt work.  She too was 7 years old getting kicked out of school.  Trust me mom, it doesnt get any better.  Society does not like or accept kids like ours.  The school does not like kids like ours.  They cause trouble, they disrupt those who are "normal" and are constantly ruining the day for adults in the school system.  Soon his self esteem will start going down and then it will get worse.  When a kid growing up has no self esteem on top of there emotional issues (yes it sounds like to me he has emotional issues) they have no chance.  This is not "2nd child syndrome" this is an emotional issue.  I would run and not walk to a counselor for him and for yourself.  You will need to learn how to help him help himself.  You need to be educated on how to deal with the school system.  You may go threw three or four counselors before find the right one.  If you dont have insurance go to "community mental health".  They go by your financial situation. You may not have to pay anything.  BEst of luck and I have strong shoulders!  Have him evaluated..........what do you have to lose?  If he is evaluated as just a high spirited kid...........you can come back and leave a snide remark in my chatter box :).  But my gut tells me they will tell you he needs more then natural remedies................Best of luck momma!