Best for Baby

[apexmommy]

I am so sick and tired of hearing moms say "I'm the mom and I know what's best for my baby."  Really?  Really?  Then how can you ignore EVIDENCE and choose something that doctors, nurses, lactation consultants, anyone with actual education on said topic says is wrong?  Oh, that's right.  Because you magically know that your 2 week old "needs" cereal in her bottle.  Never mind the doctor saying "no solids before 4 months" or anyone (including the damn bottle manufacturer) saying that cereal in a bottle is a choking hazard.  Because you're the mom, and you know what's best.  My child hates being rear facing!  She screams every time I put her in the car seat!  She MUST forward face.  Never mind that she isn't twenty pounds.  Never mind that best practice is rear facing until they grow out of the seat.  Noooooo, you know best!  Why do we test products?  We can just ask you!  Baby won't sleep?  Put her on her belly!  Never mind that it is proven to increase your risk of SIDS.  What do a few old researchers who spent thousands of hours studying this know?  Nothing!   

Don't tell me that so and so did it and their baby is just fine.  Do you know how current standards are reached?  By examining what went wrong with the babies who aren't just fine.  Remember, they aren't around to say "I am just fine."  Things don't flip flop.  Back sleeping is now recommended.  It wasn't recommended, then stomach sleeping, then back sleeping.  Stomach sleeping started first.  Babies, well, kept dying, some research was done, and it was discovered that back sleeping was safer.  "But my baby sleeps better on her tummy."  Of course she does.  Some babies sleep so well they never wake up. 

Here's what gets me.  You know that cereal isn't recommended.  You know that rear facing is.  You know that back sleeping is.  So.  What do you do when the baby isn't happy / you aren't happy?  You try the cereal, foward facing, tummy sleeping WHILE KNOWING THAT IT ISN'T WHAT IS RECOMMENDED.  That's how you discover that your baby "likes" it.  You make the decision to try it, without knowing what the outcome will be, but knowing that it isn't what's recommended.  Then, you justify it by saying "I know what's best for my baby." 

Now, did your doctor tell you to put cereal in the bottle?  Maybe YOU have a medical reason.  In this case, fine, maybe it is best for baby.  Doctors really are behind on this research, but if you are at least listening to your doctor, you are trying.  And that's the best we can do.  Did you need to rearface your child who is over 20 pounds and a year for a reason (a leg cast perhaps?)?  Then that's the safest thing to do.  But unless you have a compelling reason why your child is so different from millions of other babies, you aren't doing what's best for your kid.  And I'm sick of research being shot down as "opinions".  Send me a link.  Show me.  Show me and I will listen to you.  But if the best you can come up with is "I know best" I am going to assume that you really don't.

[RugersMommy06]

Dec. 13, 2008 at 12:28 AM

My husband loves the phrase  "let them screw their kid up, he's not yours"  when I try discuss other parenting methods. We do practice AP-not very mainstream it seems.

[ethans_momma06]

Dec. 13, 2008 at 12:41 AM

I understand your frustration! I hate it when moms use it as an excuse because its more 'comfortable' to do rather then whats right, but I dont think you should discount the whole ' Im a mother and I know whats right' theory. Alot of mothers will have a feeling * a deep gut kinda feeling* that something isnt right and they need to change it, and sometimes these mothers will bring it up to thier doctors who assure them everly thing is o.k. until to late.

But I get where your coming from!

[MelanieLouise]

Dec. 13, 2008 at 12:58 AM

My husband loves the phrase  "let them screw their kid up, he's not yours"  when I try discuss other parenting methods. We do practice AP-not very mainstream it seems.

RugersMommy06 Dec. 12, 2008 at 10:28 PM

My husband says that too. It drives me nuts because I want to help!! That other kid can grow up and mate with my kid, ya know? And it seems that it's harder to turn someone AP than to turn them mainstream.

Good journal, Apex! I agree one thousand percent!

[sapient]

Dec. 13, 2008 at 11:19 AM

I think I love you

[ivansmom07]

Dec. 13, 2008 at 1:27 PM

I don't thik: I KNOW I love you.

Apex, I agree with you 100%. 

The mere fact that some of use are willing to risk our child's well being or even their life (i.e. tummy sleeping) just to find out 'they're just fine' boggles my mind.  Raising a child can be dangerous enough as it is, why add unnecessary risk?

[RanaAurora]

Dec. 13, 2008 at 4:28 PM

Hehe.  Absolutely.  "I know best, I'm his mom!"

You may know when he needs a nap, or when he's about to poop, but you do NOT know if the internal lining of his stomach is prepared for solid foods, or if his spine is strong enough to withstand a crash.  That's not part of the Mom-Knowledge package - that's part of the research package.  We dont' spend billions of dollars on medicine and science for moms to be disillusioned enough to think that somehow THEIR baby is special and won't suffer ill effects from their poor choices.

[RugersMommy06]

Mar. 19, 2009 at 6:54 PM

Yup, my husband says that too. He also likes to say  things like "Well that one deserves a darwin award."

Dec. 13, 2008 at 12:28 AM

My husband loves the phrase  "let them screw their kid up, he's not yours"  when I try discuss other parenting methods. We do practice AP-not very mainstream it seems.