My Tween Might Kill Me

[romalove]

My 12 year old, honor student, all star cheerleader, musician daughter has gorgeous sea-green eyes that she plays up with dark eyeliner and mascara before school every day.  She has told me at times that people "judge her" based on her eye makeup, or tell her she is wearing too much, or that she loses friends over the eye makeup.  I tell her if she thinks that's true or bothers her that they feel that way, to wear less, and if she doesn't care what they think, to do what pleases herself.  She wears the eye makeup.

Today she has completely freaked me out.  We have the eye makeup going on, but she is wearing what I consider to be pajama pants (white fleece pants with giant music notes in black all over them), a black T-shirt with silver stars on it, and she has put her gorgeous blond hair in two pony tails, one on either side of her head, high up, and then teased the hair into two giant puff balls on either side of her head, with her bangs straightened in the middle and pushed to one side.

I said, what in the world are you doing?  She said, I'm not doing anything against dress code.  I said, that's a big statement you are making, are you sure you want to do that?  People are going to comment.  She said, I'll just tell them I was bored and they can't tell me what to look like.

She looks like she's going to walk the catwalk in some giant emo fashion show.

I know that she is going to spend all day fending off criticism of this garish get-up.  I think that's part of what this is, an attention getter.  I don't normally choose to fight this fight (I believe you have to pick battles carefully, and self-expression through clothing and hair is not one I pick, it's not really important enough to me, and as long as she's not dressing like a streetwalker I'm OK with it) but this feels like she's doing everything but wearing a sign on her back that says "Kick Me".

I'm aware that this might be a healthy rebellion, or a healthy self-expression, but I truly think she's asking for a bad day. 

I don't know if I will survive her adolescence!

[LadySaphira]

Dec. 15, 2008 at 7:36 AM

as hard as it is to do so, try to let her go. I think it is wonderful that she is brave enough to go to schol dressed that way and not care what others think. and look on the bright side, she isn't wearing a skirt so short that you can see her hoohoo nad at least her shirt covers her chest!

[CookieMama13]

Dec. 15, 2008 at 8:48 AM

omg , all i could do when reading was laugh , sorry to say i guess cause im not there yet , my day is coming and soon ... Dani is only 4 but she does have a mind of her own , and all i could do was picture that being my daughter ...Im hoping her day at school goes over well , and she makes her point ... did you take a pic ??? would be cute to see it ..

[romalove]

Dec. 15, 2008 at 8:52 AM

I didn't take a pic; she is also camera-phobic, which is a problem because most of her friend's moms take lots of pics of them, and she complains that they are "stalker moms" who have to ruin every fun thing with their Kodak moments.  I'm waiting to see what sort of response she had to this at school, and am hoping for the best but bracing for the worst.  The funny thing is, as bizarre as the hair was, she is a pretty girl and she looked pretty despite the nutty ensemble.  Enjoy Dani while you can, because 4 becomes 14 awfully fast.....

(Original Poster)