How do you deal?

[IWant2AdoptU]

I am not going to sugar coat this but between not being able to get pregnant naturally AND with doing fertility treatments, how do you deal with not knowing if you are ever going to become a parent?

The wait of being matched or even getting one response to an inquiry, how do you deal?

Though online has made adoption a big business for agency's, what about the couples who don't have $15K or $25K to pay the fees to an agency who doesn't give us a real reason except that, "We market to BM's." Seriously? I run a marketing company and we don't even price gauge and here you are talking about a child's life! How do you deal?

Adoption reform needs to be present. In this infertility and adoption experience of the past 7 years, I have found that the wait will continue unless you have an unlimited amount of money and willing to "buy" a baby.

We aren't interested in buying a baby, we are interested in giving an infant a loving, stable and secure life. A life of millions of experiences that they can remember and develop into their own person.

How do you deal?

[MSugarKane]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 12:32 AM

My daughter has been trying for 6 years. She finally gave up this past summer. She said to me, "I am going to leave it in God's hands".  Its not like she is religious , she doesn't go to church, but has good values as a person.  In early November she found out she is pregnant~  !  BIG surprise!  BIG, BIG surprise!  There can be something said for trying to hard.  When she did go to get the pregnancy confirmed by a doctor she found out she has a 90 degree tllt to her uterus/cervix.  This could have been her problem getting pregnant. The swimmers had to go up, then swim back down, and up her cervix to conceive.

So don't lose hope. Miracles do happen!

And three weeks before that , my other daughter who has severe chances of ever conceiving even through using IVF's, losing so many IVF;s we have lost count, found out she is pregnant too~!  Super big, MAJOR blessing! 

Sending baby dust to you !!!!

 

[MamaKB2]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 12:37 AM

I was an egg donor for a couple who struggled with infertility for 10 years.  She had a successful pregnancy and now a beautiful 1 year old daughter. 

It's definitely a choice, if you're comfortable with it.  You can always research the hell out of it before you decide :)  There is probably a donor out there who could help make you a family, where you could be pregnant.  If you have any questions, I'm always here!

[IWant2AdoptU]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 12:38 AM

Thank you both for your wonderful comments! Congrats on your daughters pregnancy's!

(Original Poster)

[SashaDay81]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 7:22 AM I wish you all the Luck in the world. I have so many friends who are trying to adopt. It kills me. I know they are good people. Where I live it seems like every other day I hear a story about someone hurting or neglecting a baby. Just yesterday I heard this girl who I wanted to take her baby and her oldest was already taken from her is now Prego again! It makes me sick to know that those who don't deserve children pop them out like rabbits. And those of us with stable homes and morals have so much trouble being blessed. I truly hope you find your baby. HE or she is out there waiting for you to hold them close. Have faith Your time will come.

[dmzach]

Dec. 21, 2008 at 11:32 PM

My sister has had many years of unsuccessful pregnancies. When I learned that I was pregnant and I knoew I wasn't ready to raise a child, especially as a single mother, I turned to my sister and brother inlaw. I asked them if they wanted to adopt my baby. That way since they were briefly mentioning the word adoption between their fertility treatments. I thought that it would be perfect. They would have a baby, that was stil apart of the family whether they were born into it or not. They of course denied because they still had hope with the help of fertility drugs. Well, the last and final attempt did not work. At the begeinning of the summer they adopted a baby boy ( my Godson). Just a few weeks after they  brought their new baby home, she became pregnant. She is due the beginning of March. My younger sister just had a baby the beginning of December. Actually he was born on my son's 5 month birthday.   I've been so strong and positive for so many months. It is so hard for me right now and it's actually just starting to hit me again.

I feel like a hypocryte because I've said to everyone countless times how strong and positive I have been.  Others get frustrated that I "always" think of him or talk about him. How can I not? A part of me is missing. I am happy for the life I had and given to the adoptive family, but a part of me feels empty right now. I cherish them deeply. I've been so strong for so long and I am so proud of myself. If I could ask for one thing for Christmas this year, it is to be able to spend time with my son and tell him how much I love him.

 

[IWant2AdoptU]

Dec. 22, 2008 at 10:39 AM

DMZach, You are an amazing woman and I know the way your family has behaved is inexcusable. We all can't be strong all the time, birthmoms and AP. If we were we wouldn't be human. We hurt, we love, we have emotions which we are allowed to give into. Being strong, although looked upon as amazing, isn't always the way to go, especially at certain times of the year. I have my times of not being strong and holidays def. make it difficult knowing I can't have a child.

I have heard numerous stories about after a couple adopts, they get pregnant. I wish all of them the best! This is not our reason to adopt. If I happen to get pregnant after we adopt, then its another blessing but we would be absolutely happy growing our family through adoption.

SashaDay, Thank you for your wonderful and true words. You are correct. With life if things are suppose ot happen they will happen. :)

(Original Poster)