The Day After

[hohaas]

Well, today is the day after.....I did not sleep well last night. I kept thinking about Carleigh. We've got to make decisions about her birth. We've got to plan her funeral. We shouldn't have to think about things like this.

My mom came down around noon today. My dad drove her down here. He stayed and visited for a little bit and then took Coalee and went back home. He took Coalee to board him at Boutwell's while we're on our trip.

I got a package in the mail today. It is the prefolds (cloth diapers) I ordered for Kyndra and Carleigh. This completed all the diapers I would need for Carleigh and now I won't be able to use a single one.

I got a call from Dr. Fauley's office today regarding my referral to a specialist. I have an appt tomorrow afternoon w/ a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist in the Dayton area. I will be having a level 2 US, meeting w/ the specialist, and possibly seeing the genetics counselor too. I am hoping that everyone is nice, caring, and understanding. I don't want to be questioned about my decision to continue to carry Carleigh. I don't want to be told that termination would be better. I have no problem walking out if they don't support our decision. The office said they were faxing over all of my records so I'm hoping they realize that we are serious in our decision.

I bought 2 books today off of Amazon. One is "We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead" and it is a children's book. The other is "Waiting With Gabriel: A Story of Cherishing a Baby's Brief Life" and it is a book that I have been wanting to read for a long time now, even before this happened to us. It just seems more important to read now.

I don't want to do this. I don't want my baby to die. I feel though that Carleigh was meant for me. God knew he was sending her to a mommy that would take good care of her and love her no matter what. I do believe too that God has been preparing me for this and I am glad. Please continue to pray for us and for Carleigh. I know God can work a miracle and as much as I hope for that I will accept whatever He chooses for us.

[Ibelucky1]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 3:34 PM

sending prayers your way

[LoganAndKennedy]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 3:41 PM

I feel chills reading this because I feel for you! God has chosen you! And he knows you can handle whatever he sends your way. Sending Hugs and Kisses! I am praying for you as always!

[bobbi318]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 3:45 PM

All our thought & prayers are with you as you struggle to understand that which can not be understood.

[divinity80921]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 3:50 PM

I don't want to be questioned about my decision to continue to carry Carleigh. I don't want to be told that termination would be better. I have no problem walking out if they don't support our decision. The office said they were faxing over all of my records so I'm hoping they realize that we are serious in our decision.

I would ask your doctor to be sure to convey to the new doctor that your decision is made and you are firm in standing by that decision.

I don't want to do this. I don't want my baby to die. I feel though that Carleigh was meant for me. God knew he was sending her to a mommy that would take good care of her and love her no matter what.

With all my heart, Holly, I believe that, too.

[Kat770]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 3:59 PM

Praying for your strength and for Carleigh.

[lovemy918]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 4:32 PM

God would not have blessed you, your husband, or your family with Carleigh, if he didnt KNOW that you would be able to care for her, in even the worst possible outcomes.   God is in complete control, trust him with every ounce of your being.  Always remember that no matter what the outcome is, shes will ALWAYS be with him.    Take care girl.  As hard as I can only imagine it is, try to keep your head held high.  Your a Beautiful woman, with a beautiful Heart, and a beautiful family.  God has a plan for everything... We're praying for you

[sistresmama]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 4:51 PM

You can make it through this! It is a hard road to take, but I have been down it. She was meant for you, she was meant to be your angel, and God chose you to be the wonderfull mommy of an angel. I know it hurts now, and later on you have good days and you have not so good days. But there will be times, you will see something in the corner of your eye, or hear a baby call out for mommy when there are no babies around, and you will know your Carleigh is always around you, watching over you, and loving you. I lost my Austin 4 years ago, and I know he is a lil jokster and does all I listed above. My prayers are with you, your husband, daughters, and family. God Bless You!!

[nsrush83]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 5:35 PM

I am hoping a miracle happens! I am praying for you. You have been on my heart and my mind all day..

[MaxNMakennasMom]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 5:58 PM

I've been thinking of you and your family and praying all day. It breaks my heart that someone else is learning the pain that I and others know so well. I admire your strength. You seem so clear minded through all of this. Your decision to carry Carleigh to term is the right one and I hope you don't encounter anyone who tries to tell you otherwise. Stay strong, this is YOUR decision and you have every right to make it. You are the one who has to live with this, not the doctors or people who think they know what's best. I know if I were in your shoes and had known while pregnant that Makenna was going to become an angel, I would've continued with my pregnancy as well. I will pray for a miracle and pray that God surrounds you during this time. Good luck with your appointment. Also, Makenna's problem was neurological as well, although different than Carleigh's. We were sent to Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, where the head of the World Pediatric Neurological Foundation works. His name is Dr. Micheal Painter, if you would like to contact him. He is brilliant.

[hohaas]

Dec. 16, 2008 at 6:09 PM

MaxNMakennasMom Dec. 16, 2008 at 5:58 PM 

Carleigh's middle name is McKenna. I believe I have heard of Dr. Painter.

(Original Poster)