My College Daughter is Making Me Crazy!

[PamR]

I thought this parenting stuff was supposed to get easier when the children got older.   I have a bright and beautiful 20 year old daughter.  She breezed through high school as an honor student, then got to college a year and a half ago and is barely - and I do mean barely - managing to remain in school.  I just got her final grades for the past semester.  Keeping in mind that she was on  a part time schedule due to her dismal grades the first year, she managed to pull a C, a C- (both in her major) and a D.  Was she busy working and not spending enough time studying?  Uh, no, she has been fired from three jobs in the past three or four months.  Prior to that, she was waitressing, but that was soooooo boring.   We live in the same metro area that her school is in, but she lives downtown so that she doesn't have to spend a long time commuting.  Who is paying the rent and bills?  You guessed it.  I think the word "SUCKER" is written in glowing letters on my forehead.  She has two roommates, who manage to hold down jobs! and go to school.  One of them was a high school classmate who was one of those kids who was iffy about even graduating from high school.  And yet she gets to college, works and is doing great.  What's  going on here?  Every time the phone rings and my dd is on the other end, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop - what is wrong now?  What do you need?  I know she isn't just calling to talk to me; she won't even answer the phone when I call unless she needs something. 

I know that this girl is capable of being an outstanding student.  I know that she is capable of holding down a job.  She is a wonderful person, but she is as lazy as she can be.  During her teen years, she had problems with depression, but seems to be better now and is on a minimal dose of anti-depressents and is weaning off altogether.  I think the whole depression issue has made me a little afraid to be too tough on her and has become a bit of a crutch for her. 

My first instinct was to make her withdraw from school for a while - I mean, the money iwe have put away sn't going to last forever and I would like to have it available for when  and if she finally GETS IT  - and make her work full-time for a while.  The drawback there is that we would no longer be able to cover her on our insurance.  I am so frustrated now, I don't know what to do.  She's making her teenage sister seem like a walk in the park.

Tags: adult children

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[MSugarKane]

Dec. 20, 2008 at 1:23 PM

We had four daughters, three of which did some college. One paid for it herself (the oldest). The other two we had to stop paying for them to go because of the same exact problem your having, laziness. College is so expensive and they were just using it as a avenue to party, socialize, and not really get into the scholastic parts of it.  They both now regret it. They are 25 and 27 now.  The 27 year old did pay for more college for herself and did graduate. Funny how her grades improved drastically when she was paying for it! 

Sometimes in life we have to let them make their own mistakes and watch what consequences they take for them.  My 27 year old went back after a year because she found waitressing wasn't going to take her anywhere in life. 

Before , if you do decide to drop her out, sit her down, tell her the reason and tell her she would have to get a muldane job and it is going to have to include medical insurance payments, along with all her other bills. Or give her one more semester to improve greatly or the money wagon will be gone. She will have to deal with what choice she makes. 

Good luck!

Its frustrating, I know~ !

 

 

[itsmesteph11]

Dec. 30, 2008 at 6:30 PM

LOL  I hear kids have trouble the first year getting their priorities in order. My daughter took 3 classes and dropped 2, made a C in English. (sigh).  They sent her a notice saying if it happened again she would not be eligible for financial aid.   I had to laugh at that one. She will never qualify for it anyway.  Oh well, she is already thinking of changing her major  so we are in for a ride.

[dr_m]

Mar. 25, 2009 at 10:59 AM

hard to say what the cause might be.. but, i have a familiarity (unfortunately ) with depression, and wonder if there is a way you can sift that out, that could explain it..   and it's the worst one..  it's a tough situation..  i wish you and her the best..