Dealing w/MIL- worse part of Holidays

[kristydillon]

Every year since dd was born we get a phone call from mil a week or so before christmas. She's calling to bitch at us because one or more of her sisters called her to say how cute the kid(s) picture in their christmas card was. Every year we explain we don't mail her a card or pics because we bring them with us on our visit. This year the call was on the 23rd because I sent cards out late. After my husband gave her the same explanation as always and assured her we would be visiting on Christmas day, he got off the phone because he got a work page. So she then calls his 17 yo son and start complaining to him. Come about noon on christmas she calls freaking out because we haven't been by yet, we always go around 3. She was mad because she had cooked dinner and had some other family over but we hadn't come. 1) she didn't ever tell us she was cooking then 2 ) we don't eat at her house because it is nasty there and frankly her cooking sucks. Hubby told her we'd be down around 2. We put our turkey in the oven (our built in excuse to leave) and head down. Our 4yo son, who has SPD, freaks out almost immediately after walking into her house, it's dark, dirty, and stinks and he is in a phase where he's worried about germs. So I go outside with him so he'll calm down. Then the other kids want to be outside and mil gets mad but she then decides that she'll go outside too. With my son right next to her she decides to tell my hubby that she's so glad that with Max, the 2yo, my hubby finally got a real Dillon (Max has hubby's hair color while the older two are redheads like my great-great grandma). Hubby just kinda laughs but Travis got pissed and kept saying "I'm Dillon! just like my daddy!" I was across the yard when this happened but heard it. It just drives me crazy, she has questioned their paternity since birth because they don't look him, but to say things like that in front of them!! I guess I shouldn't be surprised, both hubby and his oldest have severe self-esteem issues due to her verbal abuse. That's one of the main reasons we only visit her a couple of times a year even though she lives only 7 miles away.

Then when we were leaving, she waited until I had the kids buckled into the car and then she calls hubby back and tells him that she has set a new rule for his and one of his brothers. Next year they are to call her at least once a month (she's going to be keeping records) and if they don't she will only give them $5 for Christmas instead of the $20 she has been. Is this not pitiful? I hope I don't have to resort to bribing my children for them to tolerate being around me when they grow up. I'm assuming she's trying this on her sons because she had favorable results when she did this with her older grandkids. They are all out of high school and she sent a message with their parents a couple of years ago that if they didn't at least visit her one time during the year they would receive no money. She offers my kids money to hug her.

Now I'm going to have to put up w/ hubby being a jerk for the next couple of days because he feels guilty about hating spending time with her.