Who knew I could be UNSELFISH?!?!?!

[hotmama708]

Growing up as an only-child in a single-parent home I was pretty much the center of attention all the time. Although we lived in shitty, mice-and-cockraoch-infested apartments in NYC, my momma always made the best of every situation. She always decorated our home beautifully, so I never felt taht we lived "in a rathole" (as my future stepfather would one day call it.) Every Christmas, I always had the "it" toys if the year. I never felt that I was without. But, now as I look at my daughter, and look back, I can remember that my mom's wardrobe NEVER changed. I NEVER drank juice, just water with some sugar and food coloring lol!!! Bit, I was ok. I didn't know, and that was one of the best gifts my mom ever gave me. She sacrificed EVERYTHING (even a social life and romantic life) to make sure that I never l felt lacking in any way.

Before the birth of DD, I would consider my then-self, a pretty selfish person. I wasn't MEAN to anyone, but even the first few days with Samantha, the though of changing poopy diapers was gross to me. I can remember myself saying: "UGH!!! THAT'S FRICKING DISGUSTING!!" more than just once. I even left her in a poopy diaper for fifteen minutes until her daddy came home to change her. This resulted in a diaper rash, and a shitload of guil trip.

And now, I would change her diapers with a smile on my face EVERY HOUR ALL DAY, if I had to. I would have breastfed until blood came out of every hole in my body (not just my nipples.) I can close my eyes and see myself dodging a bullet for her (I live in the hood, hence teh graphic image.) I FREAK OUT when she gets the tiniest sniffle. I have converted my apartment into a toxic-free, natural and organic home. And it doesn't end with her either...

I find myself leaving food / formula at the doorsteps of my friends' home, who is in dire need of help, and driving away. I ENJOY cooking for my husband, and anally cleaning my home. My daughter has changed me. And I have only known her for 6 months. I think of what is to come, and I am in awe. She is a baby, and she has so much power over this "weathered-been-through-it-ALL" 25 year old once-addicted woman. She makes me better.... 

[MyIrishTwins56]

Jan. 22, 2009 at 12:00 PM

Isn't it glorious....ha your from the hights aren't you? JK I'm from "da bronx" - I know EXACTLY what you mean!