When the financial side of life gets in the way

[issianemmi]

I aways look forward to Saturday evenings. My Dh and I get a babysitter for our 2 girls(4,6) and I don't have to feed them, clean up or get them ready for bed and put them to bed. Usually I do it all and I just need a break. A BREAK! No washing dishes, since we don't have a dishwasher I do the dishes by hand, no getting up to get DH a glass of ice water, snack etc having someone else make dinner for me and clean it up. BLISS.....not happening. My DH is upset to spend $30-40.00 that we would pay the sitter and money for the movie, dinner etc. so he chose to cancel our ight out. I need a breakl but you  know it is not happening.

I love my family but sometimes after being at their beck and call for 18 hours a day-the other 6 is spent sleeping I hope-  just gets a bit tiring.

I come from a big family. I was number 5 out of 6. My older sibs are 5-11 yrs older than me and my younger sister is 2 years younger than me. Our parents have been gone for a while now and we used to be pretty close. Now I am only in contact with my younger sister. About 3 years ago my Older sister S decided to open her mouth about how she felt about my Dh and called him a abusive mf to his face while he was holding my youngest daighter E. She wasn't a year yet and granted she probably didn't understand the conversation it was all there in front of her and family and in laws! I was in the house.

 Well since that time my relationship with my siblings their spouses my niece and nephews has been strained. Non existent and hard on me and my younger sister J. Why I bring this up....on Christmas eve my sister C always invites us over with the family and I would go with my girrls. We don't celebrate Christmas we are Jewish and my sister C is nothing really but its an excuse to get us over. Well this year she did't invite us even when I called her to wish her a happy holiday. Sister J felt bad that we weren't and I told her that by now I am kindof used to being left out.   It still bothers me but I don't want her to be put in the middle. It has happened before and it is not fair to her at all. Granted I have never said bad things about sister S and my dh can't stand her and her family. She has talked about us when we were not living in the same state and has spread nasty rumors about me being abused.

About the financial state of things. We are okay but I want to feel like I contribute which I do thanks to rental properties my father left to my siblings and me but DH makes me feel like I do nothing sometimes. And I run this house the girls lives etc.G-d forbid anything happens to me he would be up a creek without a canoe and paddle. I would like to start my own business of wardrobe consulting since I have a retail background and I am so tired of seeing mommy shlumpadinka's! I can get them dressed and fix their wardrobes. But timing is not right and how would I go about doing this??

So I really look forward to Saturdays. I can wear something I know a child's hands won't be wiped on. I can wear pretty earrings I know someone won't pull and look nice for Dh and myself and get lost in the movies.......Next week it is a party for a friends law firm where I get really dressed up for and I can dance and have fun At the expence of someone else.  UGHHHHH Well at least it will be fun.