Divorce, maybe soon??

[Jssg86]

I can't take much more of this crap.  My husband thinks that by getting up in the night to make our youngest son a bottle is all that he has to do( he goes back to sleep after he makes it).  Durining the day he will make a few bottles ( I do them all other wise)and that is it, if I ask him to hold Jeff for a minute so that I can use the bathroom, eat or something that, he puts jeff in his swing and sits on the bed and watches TV.  All he does anymore is watch TV and complain that I don't do enough.  Most of the time if I ask him to hold him so I can make a bottle he will say no it is ok I will make the bottle, he will do anything to get out of having to take care of Jeff.  He gets mad when I don't help with dinner but what I am to do when Jeff is crying in his bouncer and his paci isn't what he wants, I can't help cook/clean or anything cuz I won't let Jeff cry for a long period of time, he wants to be comforted. Also when it comes to me taking a shower I have to make sure he has been feed and is asleep, other wise I have to get my mom to watch him for me, all though my husband is in the room.  He spends more time with our oldest son, well if you call it spending time with him.  He will put mikey down for a nap no problem. 

All though my husband is home all the time, my mom watches mikey about 23 hours out of the day. My mom changes his diapers, feeds him, cleans him and plays with him.  I do all of that too, but not as much as I should I know that, but that is no excuess for my husband not to help, they are his kids dang it.  He takes advantage of my mom and her taking care of mikey.  I am so glad that my mom is here to help me, cuz if she wasn't here I don't know what I might have done, I would have snapped.

Today I took Jeff in the room and laid him in his crib and I told my husband that I was going to get mikey down for a nap.  About 10 min later he comes out, cuz Jeff started to cry and says what the hell, what time did he last eat.  I told him to go check himself and he got mad and said well you should have told me that he needed to eat, that is how much he don't pay attention to what I do.  He says that I am lazy and all I do is put Jeff in his bouncer and I am on the computer.  Well, I am not going to hold my son 24/7.  At least when he is in the bouncer he is right next to me so that I can talk to him and still do what I am doing on the computer, not sutffed in his swing and ignored.

I am currently looking for a job and I hope I can find one that lets me be on my own with my boys.  I really am thinking about a divorce as soon as I get the money.  He says that I don't need to work, that once this jobs gets going things will be back to normal.  To him normal is sitting in his but and wanting to be waited on like a little kid.  I have told him that I have 2 kids he can do for his self and I won't do anything for him and he gets mad and asks why I won't get him something when he asks.  He doesn't understand that I do have it hard and it isn't so easy taking care of a 23 month old and a 2 month old.  He says that it is my fault that it is like this, I love my kids, but if he doesn't want to help, I think it is time we go our own ways.  He gets me anything that I want(ex. water, soda, my plate of food, etc.) and can be nice, but I think that I derseve it, I can't put into words everything that I would like to, I could write about 10 pages on it.  I know I should like a bi**h, but that is how I feel.

My husband can be so nice one minute and then the devil the next.  .

I hate my life being with him, he makes it a living hell.  All I hear from him anymore is that I am lazy. 

As I am writing this I am really tired, but since Jeff is awake and I don't want him put in his swing I can't take a sleep, but sure enough my husband can. 

He starts work on the 31st and when he does that he will get even lazyer and say that he don't have to do anything since he works and I am a stay at home mom.  I should do everything and all he has to do is lay in bed and watch TV(witht he door closed to the room), no interaction with either of our boys.

I am wrong for feeling like this???

 

 

[Queencastle]

Dec. 28, 2008 at 4:46 PM

No, you are not wrong for feeling like that!!!  It takes 2 to make a baby BUT it takes 2 to share the responsibility 50/50!!! I was in your shoes, when our 3rd child was born and my hubby acted like yours till i told him to share the responsibilty equally or i would leave!!! He didn't like that thought, and picked up his socks right away!! He loves me too much in order to lose me too quickly, if you know what i mean!! Do that to your husband and see what happens?! OR, consider "marriage councelling" for the 2 of you, it WILL help out you both! I wish you all the luck, and let me know what happens? ok?

[lilmom0417]

Dec. 28, 2008 at 4:48 PM

I'm sorry but I get so tired of men using their job as an excuse to get out of helping out around the house.  Just because you are a stay at home mom does not mean you do everything.  You arent the only one to eat so why should you do all the cooking and wash all the dishes.  You aren't the only one that wears clothes so why should you do all the laundry?  You aren't the only one that lives in the home so why should you be the only one to clean it?  And you sure didn't make those babies by yourself so why should you be the only one taking care of him.  Now granted, because you are the stay at home, a majority of the work is on you.  But is it too much for the men to step up and help?  Not in my opinion!

[tashamarie21]

Dec. 28, 2008 at 4:53 PM

 I really feel your situation my husband and i are alwways fighting like that i try to do as much as i can with both my kids i go shopping i take not one but both my kids i am home all day long with not one but both my kids and i am 9 months pregnant on top of all that too i see that my husband trys but always with just one not both i have to ask him to change a diaper even though he sees that it is dirty i feel like he never takes the time to just do it on his own so im always doing it by myself. and if i try to talk to him about it he is always like i go to work all day by myself which is not fair because i dont get off at four my job is 24/7 and all im asking for is a  little help ya know sometimes i wonder the same things or atleast how can i make him see that my job (being a mom) is just as hard as his if not sometimes harder. i havent found a solution yet but at least now you know your not alone

[happi-ladi]

Dec. 28, 2008 at 5:33 PM

It sounds like you are both blaming each other when you need to be on the same page.  You are on the same team, not enemies.  I know it is so hard and frustrating when he doesn't pitch in.  There is so much to do when you are at this stage of the game.  One of you has to do something different or things won't change.  Let him know you want to work with him and ask him if he is willing.  Let him tell you first what is most important to him to have done by you.  Not a list or a bunch of bull about what doesn't get done.  Is it a meal, laundry?  What does he really feel stressed out doing?  Is it childcare, laundry?  Make a list of what you love about him and remind yourself this is only a temporary stage of life.  Remember how important it is to have a Daddy and then approach him about teamwork.  This happened when my first daughter was born.  I had to let my husband know that I needed help and I didn't want to do it on my own and that's how I felt.  I don't think men really want to or know how to pitch in.  They need help getting there.!