I miss my mania

Ah, to be the life of the party.  What a wondrous thing it is to feel beautiful and worthy and sexy and free.   

Mania can come at a price.  Sure.  I know this.  Hindsight IS 20/20, after all. 

And yet those of us who suffer (I use that word lightly here) through a manic episode will crave it's return long after it's gone. 

Let's just look at the ups and downs of mania, shall we? 

Below is a list of symptoms of mania: 

·      Elevated mood

·      Euphoria

·      Hyperactivity

·      Excitement

·      Overconfidence

·      Grandiosity

·      Extravagance

·      Spending sprees

·      Recklessness

·      Delusions of grandeur

·      Talking a lot

·      Rapid speech

·      Rapid movements

·      Reduced need for sleep

·      Increased appetite

·      Excessive exercising

·      Increased libido

·      Increased use of alcohol

·      Distractedness

·      Aggression

·      Excessive laughter

·      Anger

While it would appear that many of these symptoms are obviously not so positive (and even the ones that are positive....well, they aren't always so positive in the end), I think it's pretty clear why a lot of us miss our manic episodes when they leave us. 

The problem isn't just losing our mania.  The problem is that for many of us finding our depression compounds losing our mania. L  We don't just feel ‘normal' all of sudden after an episode subsides.  In my experience I feel nothing of the sort.  I go from the beautiful, funny, adventurous, sexual life of the party to the morbid, grouchy, weeping sack of guilt and misery. 

There has to be a happy medium, right?  Something that falls in-between....

Unfortunately (and quite honestly) I don't really want that either.  I don't want to be normal.  Why would I want that when I can be a superhero sex-machine who can do it all?

I want to be funny.  I want to be sexual and beautiful.  I want to find adventure where I can.  I want to be outgoing and strong.  I want to get shit done.  I want to work and clean and and and .... I want it all... even if I have to pay for it later. 

 

And believe me, I always end up paying.

 

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Comments:

Midni...
Dec. 30, 2008 at 4:20 PM

Who said your not funny and sexy? Beautiful and adventurous?  I bet your DH will disagree

You are. So once in awhile you don't feel outgoing so play mysterious for awhile (wink) keep them guessing........

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IsaQ
Dec. 30, 2008 at 4:42 PM

Just when I thought I was cured and am back to normal....I realize all those things are me. So maybe I'm just manic and not actually happy again? ...***Sigh***... Time for me to go excessively eat again.

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bella...
Dec. 30, 2008 at 11:59 PM

Dude...............me too.  Mania is such an enigmatic, romantic, exciting and skillful lover.......until he dumps you on your depressed ass, wondering what went awry in such a perfect love affair  lol...

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queen...
Dec. 31, 2008 at 3:05 AM

Excellent description, Bella.  Just perfect :)

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Debbi...
Dec. 31, 2008 at 12:29 PM

You almost have me wishing I were bipolar so I could look forward to a mania.  Cause all I have is good ole depression and not quite as depressed to look forward to!

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queen...
Dec. 31, 2008 at 12:32 PM

I hear ya, Debbie.  BUT remember that mania comes with a very steep price.  I miss it.  I want it.  But I want it like an addiction~ not because it's healthy... just because it's 'fun' (used lightly)

Hang in there!

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kimbe...
Dec. 31, 2008 at 12:36 PM

I know what you mean

Thank you for posting this.

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