Close the door, open the windows

[livetolaughlove]

That saying of when one door closes, two windows open ran thru my mind for last 5 hours of 2008. For whatever reason, I have felt very sad in the past week or so. there is nothing Obviously wrong going on in my life, other than Aleah had croup and I had a cold. so why was I feeling so blue? When the door shut on 2008, I asked myself "what did I accomplish this year?" the first thought of-course was that I gave birth to an amazing and beautiful girl. then I thought, yup, I kept her alive thru  a difficult pregnancy... I started making sacrifices for her before she was even born...staying in bed for the last 3 months so as to not tear the placenta away from the uterus anymore. and sticking my finger 6 times a day for sugar-tests, and giving up chocolate and ice-cream those last months was really hard. but i did it. I also gave up all modesty and humility, peeing in bed pans was always a fear, so were needles, catheters, and Drs in general. I have had 3 surgeries and a blood transfusion since her birth, so I spent a lot time in the hospital last year, and a lot of time in bed-from January  till the end of May. so in some ways, I guess I felt that there wasn't a long list of things I'd accomplished last year. I actually only made it to work one day before ending up in the hospital for bleeding and then the subsequent bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy. But the fact that I had a child is HUGE, especially since my last pregnancy wasn't viable. i have become a mother, a parent, and joined the ranks of the women I have admired my whole life-my own mother, my aunts and cousins who have had children. it has been an incredible experience to watch my daughter grow and laugh, and seeing her interact with my SO has really touched my heart-sometimes I cry watching him playing with her. I am overwhelmed with emotions too foreign to describe when it comes to being my child's mother.

but now the door has closed to 2008... the year i was pregnant and gave birth has ended. I don't know that I will ever become pregnant again, and the feeling i had after pushing my daughter out of my womb was the most amazing moment I've ever felt in my life. (Perhaps this is the source of my sadness?) But that door to 2008 closed and now 2009 has opened its window of opportunity to us. of course I wonder shat will this year hold for us? there is a lot to look forward to..weddings and births, Aleah's first birthday...and who knows what else. I am just going to enjoys the breeze from the open windows!

[CheyennesMom03]

Jan. 2, 2009 at 10:28 PM

You have done such a good job! I am sure that in the new year you and your family will be presented with some wonderful challenges and experiences. Some that you have looked forward to and some that you could never have expected. Changes are hard and you have been through a lot of them! I am sure that you have a great year ahead of you!