MyDH'S Mother passed away.

[Dott038]

On new years eve we found out that my Dh's my passed away. There isn't going to be a funeral and because of circumstances we can't go up there to be with her family. My main concern right now though is my Dh is depressed not just because of his mom's death but because of other things that has happened and he just doesn't want to deal with anything. He shuts himself off and doesn't talk about anything that is going on. I don't know how to help him through this if he wont talk to me. I have asked him to go See our doctor for depression and maybe therapy to help him cope but he doesn't want to. I have no idea how to help and that is frustrating to me. I can't fix this and I don't have any magic words to take away his sadness.

[happi-ladi]

Jan. 2, 2009 at 7:15 AM

I am sorry about the situation.  My husband did the same thing when his father died.  You are right when you say you can't fix it.  He scared me one morning when he just wouldn't get up out of  bed.  I was thinking more of me dealing with that then about how he was feeling.  I would give him a week and then see how things go.  If you can drag him to the doctor, do it.  Call the doc ahead and inform him of the situation so he can intervene at the appointment, man to man if possible (I realize you may have a female doctor and that's ok of course).  I have had to deal with my problem of a husband who won't open up and be emotionally available to communicate about important things.  Sometimes, I have had to tell him it's not working for me.  Not because I am selfish but because I need to be honest about the marriage being stuck.  I hope this is temporary and you find enough of us to talk about it so your husband can work it out his way and get past it. 

[Dott038]

Jan. 2, 2009 at 7:31 AM

I doesn't bother so much that he wont talk to me. I just wish he would talk to someone. His step mom which he considers his mom or his oldest sister but he wont talk to them either.

(Original Poster)

[Helen]

Jan. 2, 2009 at 7:32 AM

I know my husband doesn't talk.  His dad died a couple of years ago.  His grandma just passed on Christmas.  I know how he is and I just give him more hugs and kisses.  Sometimes, actions speak louder than words.  He will come around.  Sounds like it is a very bad situation.  Talk to his doctor if he gets really bad and see what the doctor says. 

[older]

Jan. 2, 2009 at 8:35 AM

I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND HIS, BUT IF HE WON'T TALK TO ANYONE, THEN TIME WILL BE HIS ONLY FRIEND.  HE NEEDS TIME TO HEAL IN HIS OWN WAY, MEN ARE WEIRD THAT WAY, THEY THINK THAT GETTING HELP OR TALKING ABOUT THEIR HURT IS NOT MANLY.  ALL YOU CAN DO IS STICK AROUND JUST IN CASE HE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT, DON'T PUSH HIM, HE MIGHT COME AROUND.

[Dott038]

Jan. 2, 2009 at 11:04 AM

Yeah he has always been that way, but eventaully he talks to me. Now he is in a deep depresson, I guess the depresson concerns me more then anything.

(Original Poster)

[Tajcc]

Jan. 2, 2009 at 11:29 AM

I am sorry.

[jobeck]

Jan. 7, 2009 at 2:21 PM

That is what is happening at my house,Plus Dh get little sleep and that only adds to the problem. Was Ml sick? Or was it sudden? My ML was sick for a while and old so my Dh chose to act like it wasn't true and now he feels guilty. He did talk to a doctor about his depression and low self esteem remember their grandma in a good light, Email me if you want. Hugs Becky

[mamak57]

Feb. 10, 2009 at 11:40 PM

I am sorry to hear about your hubby's mom. I lost mine in 2002 and it will take a while for him to get over it. Just be there when he needs you and listen to him when he finally opens up. He might want to start taking St. John's Wort. it is a herb that helps stablize moods. it is over the counter and would help him through this heart ache.