The Many Faces Of Birthmothers.....

[randi1978]

Thru my introduction to the adoption world, I always held fast to the belief that every birth mother out there was and is a good mother.  Often circumstance and lack of support lead to relinquishment.  But over time, I have encountered many stories that contradicted this belief.  And even within my family, the contradiction is there as well.

It is sad to know that there are women out there who were continuously having babies and surrendering them.  And often it was because they did not want them.  Women who willingly sign over their rights to even older, school aged children because once they were no longer cute little babies, they were no longer interested or didn't get the attention they used to.

And it's the women like this that we hear about the most often.  Once, I even heard another person tell me that the birth mother she knew only wanted updates and pics so she didn't look bad to her family for never inquiring about the child.

My cousin's ex girlfriend is another prime example.  My grandmother is raising their daughter.  Jason's ex girlfriend has children all over between Washington and Montana.  Given over the paternal sides of families, surrendered at birth, and finally, taken away by CPS and rights severed.

It's these women that make all birth mothers look bad.  It's these women that make everyone truly believe that, if not for adoption, all surrendered children would have been abused, neglected, etc if left to be raised by their mothers.

Well, there are many women who are NOTHING like these women I mentioned...myself included.  Many of us were pressured, tricked, coerced....some of us surrendered with a sound mind but were then treated like unfit breeders by the very people who accepted our children from us...some of us were unaware of the impact our child's adoption would have on us, our children, our extended family.

I could tell you some horror stories of the things I have heard, read and seen.  Someone close to me was threatened in the hospital within hours of giving birth.  She was told that if she did not sign away her rights, they would take the baby and terminate her rights against her will.  All because she was 17, homeless (I met her while volunteering in a youth shelter)  and made the mistake of working on an adoption plan.  I chased out the social workers.  I chased out the nurses.  I chased out the adoptive couple who called her "trash" and "a whore" when they became aware of the fact that they were not getting her baby.  With a little help, she got an apartment, a job and is now doing good.  Her son is about 13 months old now and doing great in HIS MOTHER'S care. 

We are all unique in our experiences and no experience is the same...keep that in mind.  For every story you hear about that includes some woman who breeds indiscriminately and gives away her children like puppies, there are hundreds of us who would give anything to be in the presence of our children.