The school dilema

[Desirae1394]

Background.... Sean went to a public school for his entire school life. I started in public school, but started home schooling with ABeka in third grade (well technically fourth but I had to redo third).

I have ALWAYS planned on home schooling my kids,preferably through a Christian advanced curriculum like ABeka. We had talked about this but obviously could completely decide till we had kids. Aidan is now 4 (late Sept birthday so he will be held back a year), and Colin is 2 (April birthday). This past year we've talked more and more about what we would be doing about school. Sean was not really sure about home schooling since he knows nothing about it from personal experience (other than knowing several people through me who were, though he was surprised to find out about each one.... stereo type didn't fit :p ).
I decided to look more into K12 and other virtual public school options. I showed them to Sean and thought that he was on board with that as our plan of action. ... that was several months ago.

I found out Christmas Eve that he felt that I'd made the decision on my own (why he didn't say anything till now- and this was all from my mom not him- is beyond me). So now we're trying to sort through this.

He now says that he isn't considering virtual or any form of home schooling. When my mom brought this all up to me, she mentioned Montessori. I do love the Montessori method and wanted to incorporate it into my home school method. We only have till Jan 30 to enroll them.  This is the last year Aidan can start or he loses the option of Montessori. (They prefer that you start them at 3 but will accept them still at 4.) When I showed Sean the info on the method (since he didn't have a clue about Montessori) he thought it was great and said that he wished there was an option like that when he was in school.... then he went to work. *sighs*

He asked some coworkers what they thought and none of them knew a thing about Montessori. Then the truth came out. What he wants is for them to go to the schools he went to growing up. He knows how they work... he turned out great, the kids are good (apparently they're not in the city we live in..... 7 blocks away) and they're the second best in the district (which btw is 70 out of 72 in the state)...... When I asked him why he liked that better than the Montessori he basically told me because he didn't know enough about the Montessori schools. When I asked him why that city versus a school in our city he told me the kids there wanted to learn and were better..... Ok..... so I asked ... So WHO the boys learn with is more important than WHAT or HOW they learn?!?  He said he hadn't looked at it that way.

I cannot understand his reasoning behind this and am getting SOOOOOO frustrated! I don't know what to do. Do I fight for home schooling when the facts and figures seem to mean nothing to him? Do I fight for Montessori because I feel it is at least better than mainstream for our kids? Do I shut up, continue to home school the boys, and wait for him to make the next move?

Please keep us in your prayers. I'm growing more and more anxious for the kids and frustrated with Sean, all of which I hate. Please pray that Sean will be able to look beyond what he "knows" in school options to see the other potentially better options for our boys. Please pray that he will start a conversation on this (I've been the one to start them all thus far) so that I don't feel like I'm attacking or pushing him on the issue. Please pray that God would give us both discernment on what truly will be best for our boys and peace with the decision once made.

Any advise, stats, links, personal experience, etc would be GREATLY appreciated as well!

[IRA871]

Jan. 4, 2009 at 7:08 PM

I wish I could give you an answer, maybe pray about it with your husband, as what you can both agree on and what is best for your children. Blessings on this for you. :)

[Kiter]

Jan. 4, 2009 at 7:08 PM

My husband was like yous.. "I went the Public School. It was good enough for me, it'll be good enough for my boys" He even insisted they go to the samme exact preschool he attended- until our 2nd was old enough for preschool and we couldn't afford it...LOL. My oldest went to Public School for K and 1st, my middle just for K (my youngest never).  during that last year of Public, it was just awful on my middle and not going well  for Gavin (who is a'dvanced' in math and 'behind' in reading). I told my husband about what I wanted (homeschool) he was "it's was good enough for me..." I prayed and prayed for months, then in the summer I told him. We had done a combined 4 years of schooling his way and I was unhappy with the results and the boys were pretty miserable. and it was my turn to do school my way for a few years. I still waited till he said OK. But he finally agreed it was OK to try it my way for a few yrs and see if it works. We have been homeschooling 8 yrs now. So, just pray for God too lay His will on both your's and your husband's hearts and give  you the patience to wait on His will and honor your husband's choice.

[Happy-Duckof6]

Jan. 4, 2009 at 7:39 PM

We live in Texas- the state with more of its population is in "home schooling" as to other states... But, in my opinion- I still think that Public School is the best....but, if you live where it is not safe or a good school district- then by all means, either home school- if you wish to dedicate to that task----- or---- try a private school if it is in your finances...good luck!--- and just remember - ask questions and let hubby feel like his input is important-- try not to nag and try to listen--- it sounds like that is what your hubby wants- to feel "in control and part of the decision making process"..(Which is great!)_...hugs, Meredith

[bluestarr80]

Jan. 4, 2009 at 8:03 PM

I'll keep you and Sean in my prayers, and for God's clear guidance in this big decision. 

[KamiB79]

Jan. 4, 2009 at 8:25 PM

I'll be praying for you all Des! I'm sorry this is all just now coming up and causing a strain for your family!

[Jillredroom]

Jan. 4, 2009 at 11:27 PM

I don't know if any of this will help,but I teach at a private Christian school here in Franklin, which uses Abeka.  I have been a preschool teacher here for the last 10 years.  I believe in the program.  I also graduated from a public school and not to throw fuel on the fire here, but my 3 children have all been a combination of private and public, personally the public have been the best of the bunch.  I know that you want a Christian upbringing for your family and believe that you could do a better job than anyother person out there and I am not debating that.  I do believe and know from the many years in Milwaukee that there are some very good Christian teachers that teach in the public schools.  I am not a person in favor of Montessori schools, because unless you want to continue them all the way through your children's schooling, it is very hard for the children to mainstream.  Check out Whittier on South 3rd street.  It is a very small Charter school, which all three of my children have attended.  There is a combined 20 years of time spent at that school and my youngest just left.  Give this some time and prayer, lots of prayer.  You have a done a wonderful job of raising your children.  Now let God have a chance. 

[Kiter]

Jan. 5, 2009 at 12:22 AM

it may be difficult for a child to go from Montessori to public/private schools as they do not make much allowance for personal freedoms and choice, but it is easy to go from Montessori to homeschool or both.

but it is not our job to sway you one or the other-  God will let you know what to do

[Desirae1394]

Jan. 5, 2009 at 8:42 AM

Thanks so much everyone. My issue is not so much public versus Christian as much as mainstream versus varied methods. I truly believe, having watched how my kids learn best, that they we not thive to the best of their ability in a mainstream school. I don't want them labeled as SN or to fall through the cracks simply because they learn differently. A mainstream teacher doesn't have the opportunity to try various methods with various students. If my choices were a Christian mainstream school or a public Montessori, I would probably choose the Montessori. I do wonder how they'd do going from Montessori to mainstream, but I don't know that they would go mainstream after that....

We talked last night, and praise God for answering prayer! :) We haven't decided but I had a much easier time holding my tongue and Sean hearing what I was saying. :) At this point, Sean is seeing why I don't want them in a mainstream school so we are looking at either Wisconsin virtual ( a public virtual school) or the Montessori schools.

Continued prayers would be greatly appreciated.

(Original Poster)

[Kiter]

Jan. 5, 2009 at 10:40 AM

if you ever wanna talk or have question- just message me... part of the reason we homeschoooled- and part of the reason my husban agreed- was b/c we did not want our boys labeled S.N. and He did not wannt them to have an IEP and thought all that stuff was not needed for school- and it is NOT needed to educate a child, but unforunately is needed if they are in the oublic school sysytem or they will not get the type of teaching they need- even so, they don't get much of what they need. I found it best to let my husband know what I wanted/thught- then leave him alone. he needed a lot of time to think and process all the info on his own. so that when I did come to him late summer and tell himm I wanted to try schoool my way a few years- he was ready to agree. Good Luck.

I think Public School is fine for some kids, but some kids don't thrive in it and do much  better in homeschool

[bluestarr80]

Jan. 5, 2009 at 12:37 PM

Just curious.....what does "SN" mean?? I have not heard that term before and I want to educate myself on those terms since my son will attend Kindergarten this fall. Thanks!