Fear of A Failed Adoption

The Life and Times of Randi M

Fear of A Failed Adoption
Jan 8, 2009 at 3:34 PM
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- randi1978
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I've been having disturbing dreams lately. I don't know why. Snippets of Brett's card ringing in my head: "for a while, Julie and Zoe were having a hard time, but all is good now....." Frantic nightmares of hearing my daughter's voice but never able to find her. Dreams of Brett and Julie finding out they are pregnant with a biological child and no longer wanting Zoe. Dreams of them discovering Zoe is autistic or some other special needs and no longer wanting her....Dreams of them giving her up and me never knowing what becomes of her or how to find her when she is an adult......

It has left me with a fear that this may actually happen. It has left me so jarred, I am almost tempted to contact the lawyer who handled the adoption and letting her know that if this does happen, I would gladly take her and would find a way to pay whatever was neccessary if such an event occurred.

Then I remember who the paying customers were. Then I remember how easilly it could leak back to them and all hell breaking loose. I would give anything to have her back, but only if she were truly not wanted by her adoptive parents. If my dreams and fears are only products of a stressed mind, it could certainly cause more harm than good if they were to discover I actually offered to take her back. To them, even suggesting the adoption failing on their part would make it seem as if I thought less of them in their role as her parents.

Simply put, I don't think less of them in their role in our daughter's life. But I do know that they are only human and what one person sees as a little issue can be something major for someone else. I also know that failed adoptions do happen. I think it is more common with International Adoptees who were adopted at slightly older ages, but I have heard of rare cases in which a couple adopt a child at birth and then cannot handle the responsibility if the child is special needs, or even sadder, they find themselves finally pregnant and decide they no longer want a child who is not biologically theirs. While the last two scenarios are rare as hell, it has happened. A friend of mine from another forum who is a birth mother found out while searching for her son that the couple that adopted him at birth surrendered him when he was 18 months old for reasons unknown.

I am sure that these dreams and fears are normal and nothing more than stress induced "nightmares". But I don't know what I would do or how I could live with myself if I find out 18 yrs from now that those fears became a reality.

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Jan. 8, 2009 at 4:30 PM

You are right mama! Things like that do happen. If I were you I would say something, but make sure it is never mentioned unless the circumstances come about. My husbands old boss and his wife adopted a little girl, who they later found out was special needs. Something like cerbial paulsy, but not quite. Anyways, they decided it was "to hard' on their marriage. So they gave her up, I think to foster care?! Anyways, it was said that they could still have contact after giving her up, but ended up that the new parents drew the line because as anyone would. Why would you let someone who adopted a child, but didnt love it enough to keep it, be in their life still, ya know. I thought this was horrible and really made me look down on his boss. How can you have a baby for 6 months and then "wala" you give it up. Anyways, I would make sure that your daughter always stays safe, just my opinion. Im sure you want to know where she is through her life. Hugs mama!