Sperm Donor (some cussing) update in red

[MISSOURIBABY]

I found my little sister on facebook. Took me forever to find her but I was bored tonight and decided to Google her name again. I found what school she goes to. Then I found one of her friends on facebook and seen a picture of her. So I sent her a message and I hope she will respond and I hope that atleast we can be friends. Wish me luck ladies and hopefully all goes well. 

 

I am writing this in hopes that maybe I will feel better about the way my life has been for the past 34 years.

When I was 12 I was babysitting for my cousin when my mom told me that the man who I thought who was my dad was in fact not. Now don't get me wrong, she didn't just come out and say that, I had been real upset because the man that I grew up thinking was my dad, never really came around and I thought that he didn't really love me. As it turns out the man who donated was a worthless piece of shit that ran when she got pregnant. He came to see me when I was 6 weeks old, told my mom that I was not his and she was a whore. He was her first. Yes I do believe that is true because of my uncles. Anyway, at that time I decided that I wanted to meet him. My mom decided it was time to prove that I was his. So off to the hospital to get the dna tests done. That was when they still drew blood. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I loath needles and the stupid nurse dug in my arm. Well 6 weeks later the results were back and 99.99999% I was his. He paid his support, but never wanting to meet me. I was 16 the first time I called him. I asked if I had any younger sibs and of course he said no. I asked if we would ever meet, he said no. Imagine the thoughts that was going through my mind at that time.  Anyway, even after he said no, I still sent him letters, pic, and when I graduated high school I sent him an invite and my senior pic. I never heard back but I figured that was because his wife didn't know about me. About 6 months after graduation I was helping my mom clean out her car, when I found every letter I had sent the man. They had been mailed, opened , retaped, and returned. My heart dropped. I was in tears when my mom found me. I was sitting on the back bumper of her can when she can back out..

Fast forward 7 years later. I am a single mom, with a wonderful well mannered little boy, who was very full of engery. I was in another state for thanksgiving when my cousin came to me and said that she found where my grandmother lived. I went in to let my mom know that I wanted her to keep my ds and that I was going to go and meet her. There was a few minutes when everyone in the family got real quiet waiting to see what she would say. She looked at me told me to remember that the last time she had seen my gma she was an evil bitch. But she wished me luck and sent me on my way. When I got to her house I am not sure who was more surprised that I actually knocked on her door. When she opened it I told her who I was. She invited me in!! I told her that I wanted to go and get my son first. I went back and got my son, when I first walked back in my mom thought I was going to cry. I told my ds to get his coat cuz we was going to go and meet someone. My whole family was amazed. We went back there and I had a wonderful time talking to her. I got to see a picture of my dad, of his wife and even of my little sister. (It seems that he didn't lie when he told me that I didn't have any sibs. At this time she was only 8) she then told me that she didn't want to hurt my feelings but I didn't look nothing like her and that my sperm donor told her that I was not his. My reply was "I AM GLAD I DON'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE YOUR FAMILY BACAUSE MY LITTLE SISTER LOOKS LIKE A BOY. AND IF I WASN'T HIS THEN WHY AFTER WE HAD THE TEST DONE DID HE PAY SUPPORT?" She didn't know we had the tests done or that he had paid child support. All this while we are talking my ds is playing with the few toys she had and eyeballing a dish of candy. Which I told him no cause we hadn't had dinner yet. When he looked at her she said that if momma says no then gma has to say no to. My 3 year old son looked at her and said " You are not my gma, I have a nan, a mama, and a gma, and you are not them." I couldn't help but stiffle a small chuckle. I couldn't correct him because honestly who was she to think that just because she was his bgma she was no one he knew. She told me that she would keep in touch and try to talk to my donor to see if maybe we could meet. Either thing ever happened.

Fast forward another 6 years, I am now a happily married mom of 2. It is now the 4th of July and we are now back in the same small town as before. I found out that my gma was in a nursing home. So I took the youngest ds and went to see her. I was really shocked when I walked into her room and she knew who I was. I let her hold the baby and she was so happy. 4 months later she died. I went to the funeral, was actually questioned by several different people. When I first walked into the door I reconized my donor right away. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew who I was to. I never went anywhere near him. Instead I walked up to the casket, told her that I may not have really known her but I did love her. Naturally when I turned back around I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I sat down in a pew and this very nice older couple turned around and asked me how I knew her. At first I didn't know what to say. So I asked how they knew her. Turns out I was sitting next to my great uncle and his wife. So yes I told them who I was. They asked if Jetta (my gma) knew about me. I had yes that we had meet a couple of times. Then they proceeded to show me who my "stepmom", and my little sister are now. And let me just tell you my little sister is beautiful. She has grown up to be gorgous. I knew I had a few min before the service so I decided to go out side and call my mom to tell her that I had met my uncle, and that I had seen my sister. As I was heading out the door, I was stopped by this other lady. Now had my uncle not told me who she was I probably would have been real rude but I wasn't. She asked me if I had taken care of her in the home. When I told her no that I was a grandchild she got this really weird look on her face. She then told me that SHE was the mother in law to one of her sons and that SHE knew all the grand kids. WHO did I belong to? I told her that Rocky was my dad and yes she flipped out. You see SHE is Rocky's mil. Boy had it not been for the fact that it was a funeral things probably got ugly. I did get to see some cousins that I hadn't seen forever. So I had back up if anyone started any shit. I left right after the services.

Fast forward 3 years later. I am now an even more happily married mom with 3 kids. (Seemed I was pregnant at the funeral, just didn't know it yet.) I was on the computer and happened accross Reunion.com. I decided to look up my donor. I found him, and his wife. I also found his email, address, and phone number. Now comes my delima, do I call, write to him, or just go and see him? I honestly don't really execpt him to welcome me or even respond but I really would like to get to know my sister. I could careless about him or his wife. But since she is only about 16-18 I am pretty sure that I would have to go through them to see her.  I do know that more than likely I will get rejected and they will find a way to make her hate me. But I feel I need to try. Now I just have to figure out how to go about to contact them. Wish me luck.      By the way for anyone who wonders, the way I feel for him is this, if he dies tomorrow, I will cry because he will never have had the chance to meet his beautiful grandkids, other than that I will be happy to spit on his grave. Please don't bash me for saying that, you don't know what its been like to know that he is outthere and could care less.....

[AnnaIam]

Jan. 9, 2009 at 12:13 AM

I really don't have any advice because I have not been in this situation that you are in.  I just wanted to show some mom to mom, lady to lady support and wish you all the best!  I hope that you will get to know your lil sister!

Best wishes!