My First Pregnancy and Elijah's Birth

[CubasFamily]

Being pregnant with Elijah and having Elijah seems like forever ago and just yesterday at the same time.

It was July, after the 4th of July celebrations, after Jeremy's birthday, and after the glasses of wine that would give me nightmares in the months to come, and I was plagued with urinary tract infections for seemingly no reason. The third time I went to see the doctor, Jeremy came with me because we were both concerned why the antibiotics were not working. The nurse took my urine sample and came back muttering words into a chart while writing and all I caught was "due date" and I looked at Jeremy and smiled. I have to admit I was incredibly nervous and scared as well as excited. We were definitely trying to conceive but I never thought that it would happen that fast and so I just never mentally prepared myself for that moment. I think in some ways it was better though - better to get it all in at once rather than drag it out.

Once I knew I was pregnant, I milked it at work. Oh, I have to sit. Oh, I have to use the bathroom. Oh, can I get breakfast from the breakfast tables? I was a front desk clerk which to me was just the worst since I was a college graduate looking for a full time teaching job. I thought I was doing a great job, but now that I think back, showing up the exact many minutes you can show up late before you're actually labeled "late", and calling in to say I'd be late when I was late, and generally breaking every rule when the managers weren't there (or just not looking) probably didn't scream raise or anything. Anyway, I loved being pregnant and getting special attention; I never knew that people could be so sweet.

It was at work however I got to figure out what Elijah disliked! He didn't like wheat bread or toothpaste which was all very unsurprising or unproblematic for me. However, my big surprise was the laundry room at work. It ended up almost forcing me to quit! Elijah couldn't stand the smell of laundry detergent, and to get to my locker, the refrigerator, and the bathroom, I had to go through that dreaded room. I ended up moving where I put everything so I could avoid it. And I thought aversions were limited to foods!

The rest of Elijah's time in the womb was pretty normal. We had insurance coverage from our new jobs (which was secretarial work for me - another downer) so we looked into doing a home birth, but understanding co-pay and all of that was complete nonsense to me and so I went back to my state-provided free hospital which ended up being fine.

By the time Christmas rolled around, I was already quite big and I felt like I could have Elijah any day. Many months of him loving his protein, meat and eggs, had caught up with me. Eggs for breakfast, meat at lunch and dinner, and them a BLT at midnight was the usual, with lots of snacks in between meals.

Christmas break was nice since Jeremy and I both worked at a school, however, it also made us sad. I remember just laying in bad with him, just feeling slow and immovable because the darkness and the cold just made us feel depressed. We figured out a plan that night to get the heck out of Alaska in the summer time.

I worked as the school's secretary up until the end of February. After that, I stayed home and continued my journey in cooking. Being raised with my grandparents, I was more spoiled than taught, so I wanted to make sure I could cook for my family, especially since Jeremy's mom could win awards with her cooking (and cleaning). Anyway, it was supposed to be a time devoted to relaxing and resting, but Elijah gave me such hard kicks, backaches, and heartburn that it was quite anything else but hard work. I had to sleep holding my side in because it felt as if for weeks he might fracture one of my ribs!

In the wee hours of March 12th, I was still awake in Elijah's room. I had everything set up but I was just finishing the last details and it took me until 5am. I remember just sitting on the floor, looking around and patting my tummy, telling him I'm ready for him to come.

So, three hours later at 7:50 am my water broke. I jumped up so fast and ran into our adjoining bathroom and sat on the toilet. To my relief, Jeremy was still home, not having left for work yet (and be extremely late for work - had to be there at 7:45). I remember just shouting nonsense, I think the only words that came out were "It broken, broken, I'm broke!" And Jeremy came and asked what was broken...it was pretty comical to see him start to freak out. Actually, it helped me calm down because I got to see how ridiculous it looks to start panicking.

So, we calmed down, called the hospital, and I took a shower and changed. We checked into the hospital at about 9 am. My in-laws came to visit and I called my family and friends. We all took bets on when the baby would come. I said midnight and I was the closest!

The hospital was really nice. I waited a short time for a delivery room and then was never strapped down. I took a stroll with my husband around, ate some food, and just relaxed. However, many hours later, I was wondering why contractions were not starting - then they did and it hurt. I still had breath though and still talked quite peaceably sitting on a large orb and in the jacuzzi bath. It was probably about midnight that I hit 7 centimeters and then contractions slowed.

The slowing contractions concerned me but didn't surprise me either - I had only gotten three hours of sleep. So I took the opportunity to try and nap, which of course didn't happen. The last two or three centimeters were the worst, and I just sat on the bed and squeezed Jeremy through them, trying to relax the rest of my body. Jeremy and I had read all about the Bradley Method of birthing and we wanted a natural birth.

Pushing started at about 3am. I was exhausted so the nurses offered us oxytocin so we decided to accept it. The contractions came regularly after that, and with a nurse holding up one leg and Jeremy holding up the other, we just pushed for hours. My nurse Sara was so nice to give me water every time I rested. It was like I was dreaming because I was so tired, I started to wonder how delirious I was. So many nurses seemed to have come into my room that I thought I was dreaming. Jeremy told me later they wanted a peek at the young woman who was going natural - nice.

So, we're pushing and pushing and Elijah is just sitting at the edge for like a half-hour. The mid-wife went to get the doctor on duty and we ended up getting an episiotomy and a suction. The doctor told me to push real hard so I just imagined my baby's head shaped like a permanent cone if I didn't get him out in one push, and he popped out at 6:04 am (my birthday is 06/04 - thanks for noticing grandma!). Apparently, Elijah was trying to come out with his arm next to his head which was causing all the hubbaboo.

Nothing is like those first moments. Jeremy agrees that it was just a indescribable moment, becoming a parent and acknowledging a new life. And it just takes seconds for you to move on from that wonder and awe and think about what's next - the first vaccine, bath, feeding, etc. I wish I could just expand that feeling to last longer, that I-can't-speak-only-stare moment. The I-cannot-hear-nor-see-anything-except-this-little-being even though you're in a room with doctors and nurses all around you.

Elijah's birth was the most significant of my life. I absolutely would relive those moments and maybe sniff that newborn head and really lock it into my memory because all of those things just disappear so fast I realize as his 2nd birthday is approaching. It is going to be so strange to see my baby and see him as a bid kid next to this new small baby, but we'll adjust, it will be just an emotional ride is all.

[Punkylu78]

Jan. 14, 2009 at 10:35 AM

I really enjoyed reading this and I completely agree with time going to fast and how quickly we forget those feelings. I am also expecting baby #2 in April and my daughter will be about a year and half old and it is just crazy to me how big she has gotten. It feels like just yesterday she was the little one I was taking home from the hospital. It's exciting and sad all in one! :)

[Tarable525]

Feb. 2, 2009 at 1:16 AM

what a wonderful journal.  be sure to save it so that you can give it to him when he's expecting his first.