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I had my baby two months ago, I don't know if I have the baby blues, or postpartum hormonal changes, but I have been experiencing a wave of emotions that maybe only another mother could understand. Either that, or I am crazy.

When you get pregnant and choose a Dr., you go to that office many, many times. At first it's just once a month, then weekly, and in my case a few times a week. You get to know the office staff, and they don't have to check the chart to know your name. They are usually nice, pleasant people. The Dr. makes you feel like you are their only patient, and that is a great quality. These people see you in the most unflattering of poses and positions, they see parts of you that you will never see. You trust that what happens in that exam room stays in that exam room. Then you go through delivery with this Dr. you have come to have much respect for.

Then it's over. After the baby is born, you see the office staff once more, and the good Dr. once again, but after that.......nothing. If you decide to have another baby, or maybe for your yearly exam you will see them, but it's not the same.

I guess I'm trying to say that I had a wonderful Dr. and he has a fabulous office staff. I saw so much of these nice people and now that my baby is here I feel sad that I won't see these people anymore. I also realize that I am not his only patient. he has other moms to see, with cases more interesting and complicated than mine. I will get over it soon enough, and probably feel stupid for feeling this way, but hey, it's how I feel.

With this last pregnancy I had my tubes tied. The main reason being that my being pregnant can cause fatal blood clots hat I am prone to. Plus financially it was a good choice. Now, 2 months later, I am wondering if I made the right decision.

Right now I couldn't even imagine another baby. I get maybe 4-6 hours of sleep a night, I am constantly changing diapers, and the cost of these girls is outrageous! Plus I don't have private insurance and I doubt Medicaid would cover the cost of Lovenox for a whole pregnancy. But......it makes me sad to know I will never have those special "pregnancy" moments again. Like when you see the pregnancy test turn positive, or the first flutters of the baby moving, the first ultrasound, the first time you hear your baby cry, seconds after she was born. I do feel very lucky to have experienced that twice already, but my moments are done. I know I have a lifetime of moments to look forward to with my girls, but the pregnancy ones came and left so quickly, and I didn't appreciate them when they were here.


1/23/09: Ok, the feelings have passed. i'm over it =)

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Jan. 14, 2009 at 8:37 AM

I can tell you that your post is why I am suckig up every moment of this pregnancy, I have waited over 10 yrs for it and I am loving every second, good, bad and ugly.I think it is very natural to be sad about everything you posted, you are not alone and hang in there.and hey...someday...grandbabies!!!!!

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Jan. 14, 2009 at 8:48 AM

Grandbabies are a looong way off...lol! Congratulations to you! The baby is worth every ugly moment you will experience!

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