Reminder to self: Why politics should NEVER be discussed with family. . .

[jsbenkert]

I feel like I've been baited, and was foolish enough to fall for it.

Eight years ago, while the votes were being counted, I called my dad with some light ribbing--at least I thought it was light ribbing.  My folks were living in Florida at the time, and at this particular point in the evening, Gore was leading in the counts.  I made the mistake of calling my parents and asking my dad if they had forgotten to vote.  I thought it was just a silly exchange (we'll put that down to post-pregnancy poor judgement--my newborn was just over two-months old).  Although it wasn't at all my intent to cause hard feelings, it certainly did.

A few days after the election, my dad sent me a letter that really tore me up.  He was greatly offended by my "joke" and went so far as to say that a vote for Gore was a vote against my own parents (never mind that I felt that a vote for Bush was a vote against what I felt best for my own fledgling family).  I repented and said that obviously politics is something that we won't agree on, and that it would be best to just not discuss it any further, trying to assure him that I really didn't meant to hurt or offend.  After all, my candidate lost and his won, so any hard feelings should be on my part, not his.  Or another way of putting it would be to say that the joke was on me, after all.

Then came the election of 2004.  My brothers and parents were sending me all sorts of anti-Kerry and anti-Edwards emails.  You know the sort because we saw the same sort of trash during this election.  The problem being that I had requested a truce and thought that we had agreed to refrain from any sort of political exchange.  I honored that agreement, and asked again that they stop forwarding those emails unless they wanted me to respond in kind (can you tell that I'm the black sheep in my fold?).   That seemed to work--at least for nearly four more years. 

Out of the blue, my dad emailed me an editorial piece that he had written which outlined all the reasons that he was supporting McCain.  He said that the reason he was sending it to me was because he was hoping to have it printed, and if it was, he didn't want me to be taken by surprise.  Lovely, but transparent.  Why on earth would I be surprised that he would be supporting McCain?  He's a die-hard Republican.  That's not news that would have me falling out of my chair.  Obviously, the reason he sent that to me was in hopes that I would read it and be swayed by his argument.  There was no other reason to send it to me, because we live half a country apart and the odds that I would even see it or hear about it are so very remote.  Nonetheless, I chose to ignore that obvious jab.

Lately, he sent me two separate emails deriding Harry Reid.  The second one was about how Reid "spins" things, like his ancestry.  Normally, I don't reply to those things.  But I thought that this was a ridiculous email and sent a reply to my dad saying, "Yeah. . .like Bush spins the last eight years?"

That was about a week ago.  I heard nothing until today when he sent me a very angry response--several paragraphs long--about how terrible Democrats are (including me, I guess, as I consider myself as one) and how unforgiving we are about Bush's record, which in his view is stellar.  He said that even though he and my mother gave their full support to McCain/Palin, he recognizes Obama as the President-Elect and will support him (adding that he hopes that Obama won't be swayed by the crazy left-wingers and let the country fall to destruction, though he's sure that it is inevitable--some support, right?).  Also, apparently, the Republicans are better people because they won't judge Obama the way that the Democrats judged Bush, and that Republicans will also recognize and support Obama even if they didn't vote for him.  Maybe I should have him join CafeMom and read all those journals and comments written by some of the McCain/Palin supporters.

Anyway, he said that I shouldn't bother replying to his email, since he will delete anything that I send to him.  I wrote a response anyway, saying that my only point in the Reid/Bush reply is that they are both politicians, so it is almost second nature for them to spin. I said that it's not a Republican thing or a Democrat thing, but a political thing.  I said that I meant no more offense in my reply than he did in sending me the original emails.  I hope he reads it.

In the meantime, I'm feeling very conflicting emotions.  I'm hurt (and feeling a twinge of childish shame that seems to come along with disappointing a parent) that I've angered my dad, whom I did not mean to offend.  I'm angry that he won't even let me explain.  And I'm feeling baited--like it's okay for him to send me politically charged emails, but not okay for me to express a differing opinion.

There it is.  I've vented and can now go on with my day. 

Later the same day. . .I just received another email from my dad--in response to the one I sent about Reid and Bush being politicians and doing what politicians do. . .He said that he "cheated" and read my reply (he said that he wasn't going to), and understands now that I didn't mean anything by my comment, that I didn't need to apologize, and to accept his if I felt his previous email came across as too angry or offensive.  Whew!  I'm feeling better!

[chickenhobbit]

Jan. 17, 2009 at 4:13 PM

definitely not cool what your dad's been doing. my parents and my dh's parents are so polar opposite when it comes to politics, i knew that when the results were in, somebody was going to be over-ecstatic and somebody was going to be pissed. at one point my mother-in-law and i got started into it, and it started to get heated. then we both realized that because we defend our own views so strongly, we weren't going to bring up politics anymore so we wouldn't damage our relationship.

hope things work out w/ your family

[aurorabunny]

Jan. 17, 2009 at 4:15 PM

UGH.  ((hugs)) I'm so sorry.  The reality IMO is that politics should NEVER come between family and I'm so sorry that your dad is being like that.  I've seen firsthand how hurtful this can be because my DH's family are the same way.  After we went to an Obama rally when he was campaigning my in-laws said that us going to that was a slap in their faces and his brother said it was a direct insult to him (he's a marine).  Riiiight.  It's just so nuts.  I don't have any solution for you unfortunately but just wanted to commiserate....I hope your dad comes to his senses and realizes politics aren't worth hard feelings against loved ones. :(

[0Jenna0]

Jan. 17, 2009 at 7:08 PM

I'm glad your dad read your email but I do agree that he seems to feel it's acceptable for him to send you politically charged emails but not ok for you to express a different opinion. That's not fair. I understand this is your dad though so I guess the best thing to do would just be to realize that this is him and it's better to keep your democrat ways to your self. That sucks, but hopefully it will help keep the peace between you.